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Forum Ettiquette?

lizzibeth

By lizzibeth
in The Other Man / Woman

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jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
I thought she meant the posts about "Mine left his wife and now I have the ring"... I find those kind of posts gloating and insensitive because I don't think most of us OWs set out to or ever really evolve to the point of thinking in terms of taking someone a man from his wife and family, we just fell in love and a natural consequence of getting what we want is that MM must get divorced. But to continue to brag about it long after the fact shows me that some OWs do look at it as a competition which is stupid and which I believe perhaps sometimes rightfully brings on the comments of "find your own man that wasn't already married to someone else" and things along that line.

 

Is that something you have actually seen around here? I don't recognize it.

desertIslandCactus Established Member

desertIslandCactus

Posted
Posted
Is that something you have actually seen around here? I don't recognize it.

 

Absolutely Jennie, I recognize it .. and I know the poster.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
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Absolutely Jennie, I recognize it .. and I know the poster.

 

Link, please.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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Right on Star.

 

The gloating is insensitive - and disgusting .. And under her two identities happily ever after has spent evenings bashing other members on here..

 

OK, I think I know who you mean, and in that case I have to totally disagree with your interpretation of her posts. I have had my controversies with her, but never did I find her to be gloating about her relationship.

Silly_Girl Established Member

Silly_Girl

Posted
Posted
OK, I think I know who you mean, and in that case I have to totally disagree with your interpretation of her posts. I have had my controversies with her, but never did I find her to be gloating about her relationship.

 

I read confusion in her posts, but never gloating.

wheelwright Established Member

wheelwright

Posted
Posted
Right on Star.

 

The gloating is insensitive - and disgusting .. And under her two identities happily ever after has spent evenings bashing other members on here..

 

I just quote this cos I don't understand bashing. Proviso =

 

I 'bashed' once on LS - on another forum when a spouse was badmouthing his W in terms of character, cleanliness, and sex.

 

I felt disgusted by how he spoke about her - honestly it was so disrespectful as to have got me just cos I'm a woman.

 

I think some of the more generic 'bashers' feel similarly about what others feel is a normal part of life.

 

And others just wish to upset you or wind you up. Perhaps they were second siblings.

 

And very occasionally, a real bone of contention comes up. The one I know best from my time here is the BS vs OW contention.

 

About him 'settling' or returning to 'loving M'.

 

Another one is 'fog' vs 'real love'.

 

And in a more complex way 'under a bus' vs BS 'telling what WS what to do'.

 

Basically it's a fight about who he 'really' loves.

 

Oh, and there is no sympathy for an unapologetic OW, a (perceived) bunny boiler, or a BS who only blames the OP.

 

 

But this in itself is interesting.

desertIslandCactus Established Member

desertIslandCactus

Posted
Posted
Link, please.

 

With all due respect Jennie, I'm not furnishing the link - because her stuff isn't worth my time to look up.

 

And also additionally I will say that she has tried to demean at least two former OW's insinuating their former MM didn't find them worth the quest. One of the former OW's was a new member.

fooled once Established Member

fooled once

Posted
Posted
Hey guys I know exactly what u are talking about... I am new to this site and I expected it to be a place where OW can speak freely and get support from each other for each other.... I realize as soon as I posted my issues I was not greeted with genuine support but I was told why I should leave my MM and what I was doing to their marriage... I know first hand what I am doing is wrong and all I wanted was support to either leave him or support him throughhis seperation.....I believe if BS's don't have anything good to say, they should stay in their own forum.... Because although I am the OW (hate that term) I am a good person , I have never done this before and I have never told anybody about this... For me to muster up the courage and actually talk about this is already hard for me and I shouldn't get rediculed for speaking freely because I do not brag about my situation....

 

I just read (and responded to) your thread.

 

Where exactly were people not nice to you? Because most people didn't say "Yeah, he loves you and you just keep waiting because he will eventually leave"? Because there was no cheerleading going on?

 

I believe many people gave you some good advice. Only YOU know your situation and only YOU know if you are willing to wait a week, a month or a year. But what you are doing is allowing him to control you, manipulate you and IMHO disrespect you. If he loves you as you believe, he would be treating you better and not keeping you a secret.

 

Not one person ridiculed you. I am not understanding exactly what you were expecting when you posted.

fooled once Established Member

fooled once

Posted
Posted

to me the point of being with someone is to have what you want out of the relationship, and what I want is full access anytime and not having to sneak around and be part of deception etc.

.

SB, this is exactly how I felt and feel. Having someone in your life FULLTIME to me is a relationship. Settling for sneaking around, a quick text or an email is not a relationship. Meeting a couple times a year, or on a weekend here and there ... for ME, that isn't what I would want.

 

I thought she meant the posts about "Mine left his wife and now I have the ring"... I find those kind of posts gloating and insensitive ....But to continue to brag about it long after the fact shows me that some OWs do look at it as a competition which is stupid and which I believe perhaps sometimes rightfully brings on the comments of "find your own man that wasn't already married to someone else" and things along that line.

 

Again, SB, I completely agree with you!

 

 

I think being the WS, BS or OW all suck. Everyone here is just trying to deal with their respective relationship.

 

I agree with you too - lots of hurt from all angels, especially in my mind, the BS, because she isn't aware of the affair because if it is even hinted at by the BS to the cheating spouse, the cheating spouse minimizes the OW and then proceeds to gaslight the BS. The OW gets hurt too because she invests so much of herself - her WHOLE self - to a man who isn't reciprocating.

Sexiness Member

Sexiness

Posted
Posted
I just read (and responded to) your thread.

 

Where exactly were people not nice to you? Because most people didn't say "Yeah, he loves you and you just keep waiting because he will eventually leave"? Because there was no cheerleading going on?

 

I believe many people gave you some good advice. Only YOU know your situation and only YOU know if you are willing to wait a week, a month or a year. But what you are doing is allowing him to control you, manipulate you and IMHO disrespect you. If he loves you as you believe, he would be treating you better and not keeping you a secret.

 

Not one person ridiculed you. I am not understanding exactly what you were expecting when you posted.

 

as I said before since I am new to opening up to ppl and this site and my whole situation on a whole, I was expecting ppl to say what I wanted to hear that's all.... But I also said that I am getting a little bit more used to the site and I appreciate the comments of all.....

SidLyon Established Member

SidLyon

Posted
Posted (edited)
as I said before since I am new to opening up to ppl and this site and my whole situation on a whole, I was expecting ppl to say what I wanted to hear that's all.... But I also said that I am getting a little bit more used to the site and I appreciate the comments of all.....

 

This still doesn't explain why you said people ridiculed you when as far as I can see they didn't. If you now agree they didn't ridicule you then maybe it's time to retract.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
With all due respect Jennie, I'm not furnishing the link - because her stuff isn't worth my time to look up.

 

And also additionally I will say that she has tried to demean at least two former OW's insinuating their former MM didn't find them worth the quest. One of the former OW's was a new member.

 

I have seen that happen at one occasion, and that was in response to that specific former other woman stating that she for one did not "marry cheaters or former cheaters" but indeed "a man of integrity". She asked for it in my opinion.

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lizzibeth Member

lizzibeth

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I agree with you too - lots of hurt from all angels, especially in my mind, the BS, because she isn't aware of the affair because if it is even hinted at by the BS to the cheating spouse, the cheating spouse minimizes the OW and then proceeds to gaslight the BS. The OW gets hurt too because she invests so much of herself - her WHOLE self - to a man who isn't reciprocating.

 

We all have our opinions on morality and ethics. I just don't think this is the forum for that. There is so much hurt involved in an A, imo that the last thing any poster here wants is more hurt.

Sexiness Member

Sexiness

Posted
Posted
This still doesn't explain why you said people ridiculed you when as far as I can see they didn't. If you now agree they didn't ridicule you then maybe it's time to retract.

 

 

No I do not wish to retract anything.... When I came on here I didn't feel like ppl were saying exactly what I wanted to hear....At the time, that's all I wanted....I wanted to stay in my bubble that everything was ok.... as I studied this site a bit more I realized that it was constructive criticizm from all points of view and I have a different opinion now about the site.... Do u suggest everytime I have a change of opinion, I need to retract all my previous statements? Well I wil not.....

September Established Member

September

Posted
Posted

Well, these forums wouldn't be half as interesting if there wasn't any b**ch slapping! ;)

 

Gotta say, I do love watching the "tennis games" sometimes....keeps me coming back! :laugh:

Sexiness Member

Sexiness

Posted
Posted
Well, these forums wouldn't be half as interesting if there wasn't any b**ch slapping! ;)

 

Gotta say, I do love watching the "tennis games" sometimes....keeps me coming back! :laugh:

 

Lol I think it keeps everyone coming back.......

WTFBBQ Established Member

WTFBBQ

Posted
Posted

Ironic that a thread about etiquette reads like a Jerry Springer transcript.

September Established Member

September

Posted
Posted
:laugh::lmao::laugh::lmao:
pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
Hmm, I have been reading this site for more than a year and I can't recall any OW gloating about stealing other's husbands. Certainly not recently. :confused:

 

Here is the link to the Community Guidelines:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/guidelines/

 

Civility and respect

 

We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating. We realize that all members may not share the same definitions on issues surrounding personal morality, appropriate behavior, and other sensitive topics of discussion that often appear on the site; we encourage all to voice their own opinions while refraining from criticizing other participants for the perspective they hold. Each person that posts on the forum is to be treated with the utmost respect and civility regardless of how absurd or ridiculous the opinion expressed might seem to you from your perspective.

 

Personal attacks against other participants will not be tolerated under any circumstances. We define personal attacks as posted comments which are intended to provoke, demean, or ridicule another participant. It is inevitable that members will sometimes disagree in their responses to any given problem, and LoveShack.org encourages healthy debate comprised of constructive questions and criticisms, so long as they pertain to the post and thread at hand. Personal dislike of another member has no place in any post, on any thread.

 

We expect that all participants will respond to posts in their specific context, not to the person who has posted. While opinions may be formed of various members based on what they have posted in the past, any response to any particular submission should be grounded in what has been posted in that thread. Past disagreements should not be resurrected in new threads. It is important that criticism be directed at what is stated in a post ("I don't like your idea") rather than at the individual making the statement ("I don't like you").

 

Submissions containing threats to leave the community or other forms of "emotional extortion" intended to incite a reaction from fellow participants are viewed as inconsiderate and disrespectful to the community as a whole and will result in immediate loss of access to the site.

 

Jennie, I agree, never saw the gloating....had to laugh...there are a handful of posters that break every rule each time they post in the OM/OW forum...

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
We all have our opinions on morality and ethics. I just don't think this is the forum for that. There is so much hurt involved in an A, imo that the last thing any poster here wants is more hurt.

 

Few words, yet much wisdom. This is really well said LB, and I completely agree:)

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
Ironic that a thread about etiquette reads like a Jerry Springer transcript.

 

This is actually quite calm...you haven't seen anything yet....

desertIslandCactus Established Member

desertIslandCactus

Posted
Posted
I thought she meant the posts about "Mine left his wife and now I have the ring"... QUOTE]

 

Pureinheart, You haven't seen the gloating.. This (and others) was gloating.

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted (edited)
I thought she meant the posts about "Mine left his wife and now I have the ring"...

 

Pureinheart, You haven't seen the gloating.. This (and others) was gloating.

 

I do wonder if the bolded above is an actual quote. Quotation marks are only to be used if the words within them are word for word an exact quote.

 

And as we already have stated in this thread, there is a difference in perspective. Some posts are interpreted by some as gloating, by others just as stating the facts. Just as some posts are interpreted by some as bashing, by others as support.

Edited by jennie-jennie
desertIslandCactus Established Member

desertIslandCactus

Posted
Posted
I do wonder if the bolded above is an actual quote. Quotation marks are only to be used if the words within them are word for word an exact quote.

 

And as we already have stated in this thread, there is a difference in perspective. Some posts are interpreted by some as gloating, by others just as stating the facts. Just as some posts are interpreted by some as bashing, by others as support.

 

Interpret it anyway you wish Jennie.

 

Apparently I wasn't the only one who picked up on it ..

jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
Posted
Interpret it anyway you wish Jennie.

 

Apparently I wasn't the only one who picked up on it ..

 

Interpretation is done on an individual basis. If you find a problem with a post, report it. The moderator is the only true judge here.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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