smk Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 So I just found out my ex's mum is quite sick and maybe have a serious illness... Do I (a) break NC and call/text wishing her mum well or (b) send flowers to her house for her mum or © do nothing at all??? The problem here is that over the past few months I have learnt that my ex lied alot during and after our relationship about lots of things and I just don't know what to believe anymore...I have even been told that her reasons for the break were a lie, and so you can imagine I am stuck between a rock and a hard place... Anyone been in a similar situation before????
jeff2321 Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Personally if it was me ( and you are the dumpee ) I'd take care of yourself and stay NC. That may be harsh to some people, but flip the situation and say your family was going through some rough stuff -- would your ex contact you ? Life is going to happen even after a breakup and staying NC is to protect you -- you have to think about yourself and what it will do to you if you break NC. It's a tough decision only you can make though. Jeff
YellowShark Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 It's ok to be concerned about her mother. But your EX is just that, your EX. She - and her mother - are not part of your world anymore. Stay NC, don't send flowers. You're not part of that world anymore.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 This is sad news and personally I think you should stick to NC for now, If they ex breaks it by telling you (not sure how you found out) you can simply say my condolences etc. My NC belife changes however if the mother is to pass on. I think depending on how you and your ex broke up that it would be acceptable to go to a wake or funeral and or both. Not out of respect for the ex but for respect of the mother. Again this is if you had a good relationship with the mother.
health Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 So I just found out my ex's mum is quite sick and maybe have a serious illness... Do I (a) break NC and call/text wishing her mum well or (b) send flowers to her house for her mum or © do nothing at all??? The problem here is that over the past few months I have learnt that my ex lied alot during and after our relationship about lots of things and I just don't know what to believe anymore...I have even been told that her reasons for the break were a lie, and so you can imagine I am stuck between a rock and a hard place... Anyone been in a similar situation before???? Do not contact her. My ex called and begged me to call her cause she "Had all the signs of a serious illness, and I know talking to you would make me feel better!" - all she could have said she could have told the new guy she was with. I didn't contact her at all. She told me this like 7 months in her new relationship - oh well I guess it wasn't all that great if she insisted on talking to me to help her feel better. Please don't break no contact - I actually did after being no contact for almost 2 years and leanred it is NOT a good idea at all! They just want attention.
Username37 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Tough choice. I say don't do it. You're not in her life anymore and the stuff going on in her life is none of your business.
skydiveaddict Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I agree with everyone . I know that you feel bad for her mom and her also. Anyone would. But she chose to dump you, sometimes life really sucks. Don't sacrifice your healing for her. It won't do you any good and it won't help her mom anyway.
Author smk Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 Thank you - I think I jus needed a little bit of a kick up the backside in my moment of weakness... NC stays intact - instead I focussed my energies today on signing up for 6 runs between now and April and the busted my chops for 2 hrs at the gym.....
bboy Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Perhaps before throwing in the towel.... How serious is the illness (permanent illness/handicap or highly fatal?) and what would you think if your mother was in the situation and your ex sent you a message wishing her well? Is this a crisis in her family? I think you should answer those questions first. IF it is something really horrible going on, I personally believe you should consider it and do it without even thinking about some answer back (then you're doing it because of the wrong reason). You should foremost do what you consider is right and then don't give a r*ts about if your ex interprets it as something else.
Author smk Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 @bboy - the thing is I am not too sure about how serious the illness is -from the snippets I have heard it could be nothing or it could be serious, again it's complicated. I did think of phoning her house phone and just wishing her mum the best cos I know my ex won't give her the msg. I also know that if I initiate dialog with the ex she will keep things going back and forth and TBH I am still not emotionally strong enough to deal with a lot of the things that have happened. Naturally i find out more and her mum is really Ill then my pride and ego will be put aside and I will send my wishes no matter what, it's just that right now I don't know how serious things are. I know this because she works for a company that I own a part off and hence my business partner told me that the ex was discussing the situation with her.
DustySaltus Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 If you're doing this because you indirectly want to show the ex you still care, don't do it. If you genuinely care about her and feel that you could deal with her outside of the relationship with your ex, then go ahead. She didn't do anything to hurt you, but you open yourself up to some potential communication with the ex down the line....could get complicated.
Perhaps Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Do not contact her. My ex called and begged me to call her cause she "Had all the signs of a serious illness, and I know talking to you would make me feel better!" - all she could have said she could have told the new guy she was with. I didn't contact her at all. She told me this like 7 months in her new relationship - oh well I guess it wasn't all that great if she insisted on talking to me to help her feel better. Please don't break no contact - I actually did after being no contact for almost 2 years and leanred it is NOT a good idea at all! They just want attention. Talk about a b**** move. My ex did that too. The only time she calls is when something's wrong... she's usually crying and I pick up out of sheer guilt after she texts, begging me to answer. Then I give her advice on what she's doing wrong and how she can change it.. then she gets mad and hangs up. RAWR. So, to get back to you... I know I'm going against the flow here... but, if I were you I'd call and offer my well wishes. Keep it brief, no mushy crap. No "if there's anything I can do... ". No flowers, though. I understand that NC is imporant but imho, it is more important to be nice. My two pennies
Recommended Posts