Author Sexiness Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 I think you need to search and decide what you want. Are you willing to wait and find out what is going on with him? Or are you done? I always think, it ain't over til it's over. It will definitely be more difficult, but do what you feel in your heart you need to. There are people here who will support and not tell you to just go no contact (NC). GEL But I like knowing what's going on with him.... He has been upfront by telling me he was trying to make it work for a bit and also told me he told her he was NCing me ..... But I also think that NC saves me from some of the BS ..... The original meaning to BS that is...
GreenEyedLady Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 But I like knowing what's going on with him.... He has been upfront by telling me he was trying to make it work for a bit and also told me he told her he was NCing me ..... But I also think that NC saves me from some of the BS ..... The original meaning to BS that is... Then if it's that easy to walk away, then walk away. You know your heart, follow it. GEL
MorningCoffee Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 But I like knowing what's going on with him.... I totally get this. But part of the loss (either when the affair is over, or you're in NC with the possibility that it is over), is no longer having that great sharing that the APs had enjoyed. But what I found was that the only thing I wanted to hear was that my ex-AP/MW was free, i.e., divorced. So when I did get an occasional update, none met that requirement, and I would suffer another let-down. Not fun. I do better with no knowledge of what is going on with her. (That is, I already know . . . and that is nothing has changed.) So . . . as hard as it is, I suggest you try to get used to not knowing, so you can focus on you for however long it might be before the situation resolves.
Author Sexiness Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 I totally get this. But part of the loss (either when the affair is over, or you're in NC with the possibility that it is over), is no longer having that great sharing that the APs had enjoyed. But what I found was that the only thing I wanted to hear was that my ex-AP/MW was free, i.e., divorced. So when I did get an occasional update, none met that requirement, and I would suffer another let-down. Not fun. I do better with no knowledge of what is going on with her. (That is, I already know . . . and that is nothing has changed.) So . . . as hard as it is, I suggest you try to get used to not knowing, so you can focus on you for however long it might be before the situation resolves. when I see him tomorrow I will discuss having NC until he is truly done with his situation.... Cuz it does hurt when I don't hear anything from him then when he does call it's not great news and then the cycle continues.... Thanks...
jennie-jennie Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 when I see him tomorrow I will discuss having NC until he is truly done with his situation.... Cuz it does hurt when I don't hear anything from him then when he does call it's not great news and then the cycle continues.... Thanks... NC is incredibly hard when you love someone. I would only recommend it if you are truly done with this situation - forever.
Daisy_May Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 After Dday, I gave my MM a month to figure out what he wants because that was about all I could handle and I have no patience. Supposably he's moving out on friday (he should sign the lease than) but Ive been keeping my guard up about getting excited. I personally don't like to know what's going on between them, but if it has something to do with moving than I do like to know. good luck!
Author Sexiness Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 I can see NC being extremely hard.... I think it's because he is all I think about and my curiousity is killing me.... I got a text this morning asking if I'm gonna be ok at work today And he is worries about me and he misses me and he doesn't think it's gonna work with his W and he wants to be with me just a little time and we will be good..... Asking for more time is what scares me....
Author Sexiness Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 After Dday, I gave my MM a month to figure out what he wants because that was about all I could handle and I have no patience. Supposably he's moving out on friday (he should sign the lease than) but Ive been keeping my guard up about getting excited. I personally don't like to know what's going on between them, but if it has something to do with moving than I do like to know. good luck! Yea I'm also leaning towards a month for him to do whatever it is he is gonna do.... The hard part of NC is that before dday we would talk everyday all day for at least 6-7 of the 8 hrs that I was at work
MorningCoffee Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 (edited) NC is incredibly hard when you love someone. I would only recommend it if you are truly done with this situation - forever. I agree that NC is incredibly hard. There is a difference between "NC (do not ever contact me again)" and "NC (please do not contact me unless it is to tell me you're divorcing)" but I suspect the second one can be more challenging because there is still that little ray of hope. I decided I was truly done forever with the existing situation (her being married, my having to share her, only having a tiny part of her life), but that did not mean I am necessarily done with her forever. It was the situation that made going NC (the second kind) a wise choice for the protection of my own heart and sanity. My suggestion: be clear about what you are asking for. Edited October 12, 2010 by MorningCoffee spelling error caught
UntoldStory Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I totally get this. But part of the loss (either when the affair is over, or you're in NC with the possibility that it is over), is no longer having that great sharing that the APs had enjoyed. But what I found was that the only thing I wanted to hear was that my ex-AP/MW was free, i.e., divorced. So when I did get an occasional update, none met that requirement, and I would suffer another let-down. Not fun. I do better with no knowledge of what is going on with her. (That is, I already know . . . and that is nothing has changed.) So . . . as hard as it is, I suggest you try to get used to not knowing, so you can focus on you for however long it might be before the situation resolves. I came to the exact same conclusion the other day - that as much as I long to hear his voice and know what's going on with him, the one thing I do know, each day I don't hear from him, is that he is still married. And that in itself is all I need to know that it would not be fulfilling to talk to him, and it would start me on the downward spiral again. NC, as painful as it is, is working for me for now, even though I am one of those that can't quite bear to give up on "someday" yet.
lilbunny Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Hey hun, how's things? At the moment- Things can br pretty rough, we lunge from walking past each other like we don't exist to having a coffee (I regret letting that happen). I have really considered not speaking to him at all, but it just leads to awkward situations and makes for an unpleasant atmosphere. I saw him today, he stopped for a few minutes to chat about something. I felt like crap after. I have no idea what is going on in his head, I've stopped trying to understand it. Good days and bad ones I guess. I'm getting on with life, going out, I've started dating. I guess I'm trying to make myself be ok.
Author Sexiness Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 Hey hun, how's things? At the moment- Things can br pretty rough, we lunge from walking past each other like we don't exist to having a coffee (I regret letting that happen). I have really considered not speaking to him at all, but it just leads to awkward situations and makes for an unpleasant atmosphere. I saw him today, he stopped for a few minutes to chat about something. I felt like crap after. I have no idea what is going on in his head, I've stopped trying to understand it. Good days and bad ones I guess. I'm getting on with life, going out, I've started dating. I guess I'm trying to make myself be ok. Glad to hear u dating again... That takes alot of strength right there..... Things will get better.... It must... It can't get any worse.... Is there anyway u can transfer possibly? Maybe that will be easier day to day....
lilbunny Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Glad to hear u dating again... That takes alot of strength right there..... Things will get better.... It must... It can't get any worse.... Is there anyway u can transfer possibly? Maybe that will be easier day to day.... No I'm kind of stuck, I came really close to resigning a few weeks ago, but two good friends locked me in a room and confiscated my resignation letter until the storm had passed. I'm not looking for anything serious and I've been honest, but dating seems to be good for me, just some fun.
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