lesboagogo Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 I am 46 year old lesbian who lived with my partner for 6 years. I had to move 2.5 hours away to take care of a sick mother and after 14 months (last month) my partner ended it with me over the phone and email. I assume there is someone waiting in the wings and she has at the least emotionally cheated. She said all the usual..we can be friends...she just needs time..blah blah blah. She told me a few weeks later that she fell out of "Love" with me in January...nice she wasted my summer. I was extremely hurt as she was the one always having to say she is sorry. She can have a mean mouth and she is a bit controlling. I have never had such good sex and that is what I keep thinking about...and it hurts to think she will be with someone else...yuk! Here is my problem. After she told me that she fell out of love...I tried to hurt her by inventing a new girlfriend that I was attracted to and had sex with or was going to...someone who was her idea of perfect...it was all sick on my part...and I deleted my fake fb friend and myself from facebook a week ago as I realize that I was using it in a way to hurt myself. ie. waiting for her to delete my friends, photos etc. she was not my friend but was not blocked so I could see very little..but made sure she could see my pages...not sure if she ever even looked. directed things to her in a roundabout way. I'm old enough to know better..and I like a lot of us want my ex back..but due to the LDR she may never run into me or see how "fine I'm doing" . I can do NC and will. Tomorrow is her birthday and I am unsure is I should send a one liner wishing her a happy B. OR should I tell her I made up this other person to hurt her (my gift to her). I know the thought of me with someone else hurts her or should I say nothing? btw. in her last note she has wished me love like Ive never had before...and this makes me feel sick. Of course I think what's the diff...she has had 8 months more time knowing it was or will be over between us. I am very angry as I can't compete with that. I also know that almost nothing out there advice wise addresses this specific problem...other than..she will never come back. I know that its impossible now...but I don't want to ruin it for the future. I am know that I may not want her later...but I want her now and don't want to think that I did something to ruin my chances. I am not a writer like so many of you...so if you made it through this...thank you. I need help with what I should do.
newyear36 Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 i agree with skogar. i too am in a slightly same situation. been married for 9 years, together 11. we have had our problem for the past 5 years and now everything seems to be coming to a head. i got the not in love with you part also, but i figured i could love us both and that would bring her around. the more i try, the more she seems to back away. i have been given the same advice skogar suggested and i honestly realized while reading that reply, the advice was correct. your life has to move forward no matter if you never reconcile. just because this person isn't feeling you, doesn't mean someone else won't. i'm at that point where i want her back, but at what cost? will things get better, or will old feelings come back to the surface? i'm taking things a day at a time and i suggest you do also. we are good people deserving of love and i'm gonna love me, as i think you should love you. that person may have known things were done, but it didn't come out of nowhere either. you were given signs. you contact her and wish her a happy birthday and thats all, we need to let them figure out what they gave up on and that the grass isn't always greener, but life does go on.
Author lesboagogo Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 don't tell her about the facebook thing. that's weird and she will just think you're psycho. I don't know ...Since we are long distance(2.5 hours) I was feeling like she would never see me starting to move on. I ALSO did it because a small part of me figured that if she didn't try and save this relationship..with the thought of losing me ..then I could in some way take comfort in the thought that "she is just respecting my new relationship" and somehow it felt better. Some other part of me wanted to put us on an even playing feild as she has had 7 months of feeling like she wanted out. ( I guess thats what I fell out of love with you means ). The Romantic part of my thinking was more like...She would find out how hurt I was that I had to invent someone to keep her from trying to "just be friends" right now. And that after she finds out ( I secretly want someone to tell her ) I lied she will either feel like crap for her emotional affair that has progressed to more by now( women are quick to jump in). And maybe see me as the healthy one since I did take time to grieve her. Why is this so hard to understand?...lol I did delete fb because I was using it to manipulate..hoping she would look...I wanted to both hurt her and move her. If everyone says things like " show her you've moved on and are Ok with the break up". And it will make her think about losing you. How would a LDR w/ NC ever get some of those results? Damn I'm sorry peeps I write for S**T
chocolate_boy Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 The facebook thing was a bad move, dunno about anyone else but the main thing that made me give up hope and decide to move on was seeing my ex had got a new guy. That moment I just washed my hands and cut all ties.
Author lesboagogo Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 So your saying I should try and let her know (somehow)..it was not real and that I am still single and have not slept with anyone??
Trovador Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Tell her the truth... I'd rather not having her because I was honest than having a relationship based on lies... Not saying that she will take you because you were truthful... but at least you will come out clean and maybe, just maybe, she will appreciate that... Do you think it would different if you were around? I mean, wasn't LD what might have killed the passion? In my case, LDR have never worked out...
Author lesboagogo Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 I do think It would have been different...I don't think she would have ever brokenup with me..she was always the problem. I have a stack of appoligy letters from her. But I love her and wanted to work out things since we had 6 years together and the longest honeymoon stage I've ever had. Yes...I know I lied and I'm suffering from guilt. We did not have drama or games in our relationship...well except the part where she fell out of love with me after 6 months after we started a LDR (2.5 hours away) but did not breakup with me for another 6 months. She was out having the time of her life and I was dealing with an ill mother. I guess she was being nice to me by waiting?? You know because she really cares for me. Can someone not see the anger I feel? I know I will be NC. I will never contact her again unless it's to send an appoligy letter for the lie, I just don't want to hear how sorry she is for hurting me when she was been gone in her mind for a lot longer than when I found out.... am I fooling myself? I would like to shut down my email addresses to prevent her from emailing me. I can't be trusted to just filter/junk her address. i still check that. She was always so good at writing..If she does contact me it would have to be by phone. I would like to know? .. end with dignity
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