My boyfriend and his ex.

[bubblysoda]

I do apologize for any grammatical/spelling errors. English is not my first language.

 

Me and my boyfriend have been together for abour 6months now. We've had some up and downs but usually it's a great relationship.

Except now of course, otherwise I wouldn't be seeking advice. Him and his exgirlfriend is slowly making me insane.

 

When I became frinds with him they were still together. An about 3 year relationship, until she broke up with him.

I guess notable should be that they don't live in the same country. So it's been more of online/mic/cam/phone relationship I

guess. Anyways, she broke up with him. I stayed by his side as a friend should be. Few months passed and we slowly started to

fall in love. He's always been telling his mind. Like in the begning he wanted to take it real slow so he could be sure

of his feelings and just not charging in for some rebound. They stayed friends, as I have no trouble with. I would never

ask him to give up friendship. They've always been close, so it's natural they have some things to talk about.

Everything been fine. Until her new boyfriend broke up with her about 2 weeks ago.

 

My boyfriend lives in my town, but work in the neighbour country. So he's usually only home on weekends or holidays.

But we still keep good contact. Skype really helps. We can basiclly just leave it on and continue whatever we were doing

and just talk like we're in the same room. It have even happned that we've fallen asleep together with the call open.

But as I said. His girlfriend got dumped and came runing straight back for my boyfriend. She's knows that he's in a relationship.

Or so he says, since I actually haven't talked to her. She calls him several times each day, this didn't bug me at first.

She just got out of a messy relationship. He's her friend, she wanted comfort. But then my boyfriend told me about the calls.

Basiclly she calls him on skype, open cam and try to seduce him. (They've been pretty intimate on cam before.)

So she would try to be sexy, and talk about sexual things they've done before, tell him how wet she is, start touching herself, strip, talking about comming here to meet him. Now this have happened more times then I can count. He always tell me about it too, and says he loves me and would never cheat on me. But on the same time he says I should help him be strong, so he doesn't cheat,cause as I know "They had a long relationship and she's been really close to him, and he really loved her".

Is it really my responsibility to make sure he don't cheat on me? Am I his mother that should keep check that he doesn't eat cookies

before dinner? Some times she calls when he's on call with me, he proceeds to put me on hold to see what she wants. Then tells me she needs to talk about something. So I sit and patiently wait for him, only to have him fall asleep with her in call. He says he's trying to make her understand that they can only be friends, but still he does neither hang up or end the cam when she pull these tricks. He keeps saying she's just doing it as rebound, and to know she still have some sort of power over him. Which to me it seems she got. When he came home this weekend, well I guess you all know what it's like when you're away from the person you love, when they get back you can't keep your hands of them. Well that's how it usually is for us, except this weekend as you proboly could had guessed. He showed like no interest, it actually took me quite a while to get him into it. Which basiclly never have happned before, I'm no sexgod, but he basiclly always gone mad with just one or two touches/few mins of teasing. I didn't think much of it, he might have a lot to think about. Til later that night we were talking and again he brought up his exgirlfriend. Earlier that thay before he returned home, she had called him. Stripped for him. He admitted he got turned on, cause "Who don't get turned on when a hot girl strips/are naked?". When he told me I just felt so empty and basicly I don't know if I can stand their strange relationship. I don't really know what to do or say to make him understand, since everytime I bring it up he brush it of and assures me he loves only me. So.. Any insight? Advice? Medicine? Anything?

Edited October 11, 2010 by bubblysoda

[Lonely Lover]

Please tell me this post is a joke--that has to be why nobody else has responded. What kind of a horrible guy does this to a woman?

 

Of course you shouldn't put up with it. He cannot control what she does or how she feels, but he can control what he does about it. If he cared even a little bit about you he would tell her it was inappropriate the second she first started stripping, close Skype, and never talk to her again. That's freaking absurd.

[Kinder-Horror]

I am sorry for this, but it sounds like you still kind of are a rebound - even if you didn't rush into things, you always have been an emotional rebound.

 

See, the ex left him - AND he never had time to heal and get over her because they kept in contact. So the fact that she is showing interest in him should be worrisome to you because it sounds like he didn't want to break up with her in the first place.

 

You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with him before you get hurt

[CailinPig]

im in pretty much the exact same situation as you..... except im the ex in the situation. (oh and also i dont strip for him or anything like that!!!!) but he tells me he loves me and doesnt know if hes with the right girl.

so my advice to you from the other side is: tell him to stop contacting her, that he can either have you as a girlfriend, or he can have her, but he can;t have both of you at the same time. he is abusing the power he has, and you shouldn't accept it. so give him that ultimatum. enough is enough. he wouldn't continue this if he didnt have an interest in her.