Confession (Catholic)

[Penny91]

Haw specific must one be in confession at a Catholic church? I have not been to confession for so long and all i remember I would talk so fast the priest could not understand and only talked in general terms. Will he ever ask you to give more details?

[Feelin Frisky]

Last time I went to confession there were only 48 states.

[LisaLee]

I'm sorry, Penny, I do not mean this offensively at all but I laughed out loud at your question. I recall your past threads about sexing it up with a balloon and riding a vibrating dildo attached to a saddle... TBH, I think you can be as specific as you want to be.

[Star Gazer]

I think you only need to be as specific as necessary for the Priest to determine in what way you sinned.

 

"I lied" would be enough.

"I cheated" would be enough.

"I stole" would be enough.

 

But most likely, the Priest will coax more information out of you...as a sort of counseling session, and to determine your punishment!

[Floridaman]

Penny,

Is it obvious something happened with that older guy you've been dating and doing some experimentation with?

Did things go farther than you planned?

We're all anonymous here.

[Jannah]

I'm sorry, Penny, I do not mean this offensively at all but I laughed out loud at your question. I recall your past threads about sexing it up with a balloon and riding a vibrating dildo attached to a saddle... TBH, I think you can be as specific as you want to be.

 

Yeah, good call!

[skydiveaddict]

I think you only need to be as specific as necessary for the Priest to determine in what way you sinned.

 

"I lied" would be enough.

"I cheated" would be enough.

"I stole" would be enough.

 

But most likely, the Priest will coax more information out of you...as a sort of counseling session, and to determine your punishment!

 

Star is right. You can say as much or as little as you feel comfortable with. Confession is meant for your spiritual healing. Not to make you feel guilty or ashamed of yourself.

[Floridaman]

Originally Posted by LisaLee

I'm sorry, Penny, I do not mean this offensively at all but I laughed out loud at your question. I recall your past threads about sexing it up with a balloon and riding a vibrating dildo attached to a saddle... TBH, I think you can be as specific as you want to be.

Yeah, good call!

Gals,

Let's not take joy in her sorrow and throw stones at her.

An innocent 19 year old young lady, she came on here and asked for help as she said she was new to sex. All this was very new to her.

She doesn't have all the experience you and others here may have. She asked honest questions.

 

I suspect she may have gotten her heart broken or things may have gone too far and she may have lost her virginity.

She may have a lot of regrets and may be in pain now, so let's not make things worse for her.

[Jannah]

Gals,

Let's not take joy in her sorrow and throw stones at her.

An innocent 19 year old young lady, she came on here and asked for help as she said she was new to sex. All this was very new to her.

She doesn't have all the experience you and others here may have. She asked honest questions.

 

I suspect she may have gotten her heart broken or things may have gone too far and she may have lost her virginity.

She may have a lot of regrets and may be in pain now, so let's not make things worse for her.

 

I'm sorry.

 

You are 100% right.

 

It's just that now I have the image in my head and it won't go away.

 

Thanks Lisa!

 

[LisaLee]

Gals,

Let's not take joy in her sorrow and throw stones at her.

An innocent 19 year old young lady, she came on here and asked for help as she said she was new to sex. All this was very new to her.

She doesn't have all the experience you and others here may have. She asked honest questions.

 

I suspect she may have gotten her heart broken or things may have gone too far and she may have lost her virginity.

She may have a lot of regrets and may be in pain now, so let's not make things worse for her.

 

Ahh, sorry for getting you in trouble, Jannah, sorry Floridaperson, and most of all I didn't mean anything bad, Penny.

[Floridaman]

She has physical needs like any other woman.

I know some of you are highly experienced, but as she is/was a virgin, a sex toy might be safer for her and her heart than giving herself too quickly to a guy twice her age who I think only used her.

I MB like crazy now and have some other unmet sexual needs.

If I had a way to fulfil them like women do without breaking a comandment, I might too use something like that.

 

I might discuss my issues on LS, but wouldn't want to be jumped on after I post something in contrition (sorrowful regret) in the spirituality and religious beliefs section.

 

Understand what RELIGION and SPIRITUALITY is? Like patience, tolerance and FORGIVENESS?

 

This isn't an "attack" area.

Edited October 11, 2010 by Floridaman

[LisaLee]

She has physical needs like any other woman.

I know some of you are highly experienced, but as she is/was a virgin, a sex toy might be safer for her and her heart than giving herself too quickly to a guy twice her age who I think only used her.

I MB like crazy now and have some other unmet sexual needs.

If I had a way to fulfil them like women do without breaking a comandment, I might too use something like that.

 

I might discuss my issues on LS, but wouldn't want to be jumped on after I post something in contrition (sorrowful regret) in the spirituality and religious beliefs section.

 

Understand what RELIGION and SPIRITUALITY is? Like patience, tolerance and FORGIVENESS?

 

This isn't an "attack" area.

 

Uhm... I apologized? Why are you harping on me?

 

And I certainly did not mean to attack her... in fact I made that quite clear I honestly meant no offense.

[Floridaman]

I didn't see you apology until after I made my post. I think our posts hit simultaneously.

Or my email didn't notify me of your post until it was too late.

I was trying to edit it but by time I changed it and hit save, it wouldn't let me edit it.

 

I apologize for that.

 

But like her, we're all anonymous here and don't know each other. The names used here aren't likely real.

Edited October 11, 2010 by Floridaman

[LisaLee]

 

I might discuss my issues on LS, but wouldn't want to be jumped on after I post something in contrition (sorrowful regret) in the spirituality and religious beliefs section.

 

Understand what RELIGION and SPIRITUALITY is? Like patience, tolerance and FORGIVENESS?

 

It's ok. But to address some things that you implied... I would NOT jump on someone for their spiritual or religious beliefs, far from it. As for me understanding what religion and spirituality is, read my profile.

 

What I said to Penny was honestly and genuinely the first thing I thought. Couldn't help it. Haven't read any of her posts other than the balloon sex and sybian thing.

[Floridaman]

I didn't jump on you for attacking her religious beliefs.

It was because of the location of the heckling.

 

That post about balloons you referenced may have been ill-advised (how could you single out that one of her 40 posts? )

but she's posted other things like being "suprised" and "scared" of seeing her man's ejaculate shoot onto her.

 

That sounds pretty innocent to me.

 

She sounded like she wanted to go farther, but was very hesitant.

 

While I don't think she put herself in a good situation if keeping a man from going into her vagina was her goal, I think she asked honest questions and deserved serious consideration around here.

Edited October 11, 2010 by Floridaman

[LisaLee]

I didn't jump on you for attacking her religious beliefs.

It was becasue of the location of the heckling.

 

That post about balloons you referenced may have been ill-advised (how could you single out that one post? ).

 

Here's the thing... I wasn't heckling her. Heckling is implying that I'm jeering, jabbing, whatever. I was not. I really laughed out loud. Because my exposure to her posts have been "I wonder what balloon sex is like, has anyone heard of it?" and the thing about her aunt's sybian. Her other posts about her innocence I have not been privy to, sorry. Had I been my response may have been different. Or not, who knows.

 

But take it for what it's worth... I wasn't mocking her, just reflecting on her past posts that I have read in lieu of her recent question.

 

And I do sincerely apologize if she takes offense.

[Floridaman]

Okay. We're good.

I may have been a little hard coming down on you as well.

 

Many gave her advice but it may not have been followed...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t247031/

 

I gave her some advice, which I hope she followed.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3037176#post3037176

 

Until she tells us, we don't know the story. (And it's okay if she did go all the way with him, as long as she felt she was ready and he didn't get out of hand and take advantage of her through liquor etc.).

 

I'm putting two and two together but am afraid it didn't turn out good (he didn't tell her loved her during the act), was uncomfortable for her or she did something she's not proud of.

 

I'm not Catholic so can't give her any advice on confession, but I married an ex-Catholic who likely would have had her share of confessing to do after 2-3 years of letting me take advantage of her sexuality and satisfy my needs before we got engaged and married in our late 30s.

Edited October 11, 2010 by Floridaman

[LisaLee]

 

I'm putting two and two together but am afraid it didn't turn out good...

 

 

Ahh, that is where we differ! I put two and two together from her posts that I am familiar with. Because of that I probably approached the thread in a much more light hearted fashion, as you took it very seriously from reading her more recent posts.

 

Funny how things happen.

 

It's all good, though.

[Penny91]

Thank all who responded to my posts and I thank all who read them.I feel more comfortable telling of my experiences in this forum than I would among the people who know me. Our priest is very old and i doubt if he knows a lot about the modern concepts of sex.I doubt he would have the compassion Lisa, Don, and Florida have.

 

We have done no more than what was in my previous posts. Fact is I have been keeping more clothing in place. I hope that being so explecit is not in violation of the guidelines of this forum. My friend is not the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with although he is so nice. I fel like I have used him to discover myself and I do not want to hurt him. I feel more guilt in knowing That some day I will have to tell him that I have only used him to gain experience. This is the thing I will have to confess

 

If you read all of my posts You will find that I had absolutely no sexual experience until I attended a summer session in college between my junior and senior years of high school. That individual made me walk home a few blocks in the rain after he almost went too far in his attempts.

 

My present friend is very considerate. I met him during my summer job when we danced at a Chamber of Commerce banquet. I guess that I was the more agressive one as I held him more closely when I discovered that he was in a state of arousal from dancing with me.

 

I still know very little about sexual things other than what I have read in this forum. I led a very sheltered childhood as I was raised by my dad since I was 9. He never told me anything and there was very little sex education in my school.

[Floridaman]

Thank all who responded to my posts and I thank all who read them. I feel more comfortable telling of my experiences in this forum than I would among the people who know me. Our priest is very old and i doubt if he knows a lot about the modern concepts of sex.I doubt he would have the compassion Lisa, Don, and Florida have.

 

We have done no more than what was in my previous posts. Fact is I have been keeping more clothing in place. I hope that being so explecit is not in violation of the guidelines of this forum. My friend is not the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with although he is so nice. I fel like I have used him to discover myself and I do not want to hurt him. I feel more guilt in knowing That some day I will have to tell him that I have only used him to gain experience. This is the thing I will have to confess

 

If you read all of my posts You will find that I had absolutely no sexual experience until I attended a summer session in college between my junior and senior years of high school. That individual made me walk home a few blocks in the rain after he almost went too far in his attempts.

 

My present friend is very considerate. I met him during my summer job when we danced at a Chamber of Commerce banquet. I guess that I was the more agressive one as I held him more closely when I discovered that he was in a state of arousal from dancing with me.

Good to shed some light on you life, Penny. I and am sure others take you and your posts seriously.

 

By posting your need for "confession," I suspected the worst or that you'd... you know what. Thanks for not confirming those concerns.

 

I don't think this is a sin.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about confessing this.

I'm a Christian and I don't think you have sinned. You haven't done a lot of sex play like oral or more compromising things.

 

Just being close to a guy maybe you're naked or have your panties on (they do serve as a barrier and send signals to your man) and letting him caress your breasts, without lettig him or asking him to go a lot further, I don't think what you described doing is a major sexual sin in God's eyes.

 

You may not understand this but even Christians have sexual feelings. Many committed, engaged or unmarried Christian couples do way way more (read more on this board) - so don't let your actions eat your insides.

 

It's hard to temper your physical desires with your spiritual wishes. I am sure it's harder for good women like yourself to remain pure and not give in to all the temptation and your enflamed desires. I do know from experience.

 

Even if you did go "all the way" or do sexual things with him, you can count on forgiveness. Though you would feel a lot worse, you're still a Christian but you're also a human being with needs.

 

--

 

If you think you need to go to a priest and confess, keep it general. You could say something like how you sexually teased a much older man, but didn't get too sexual.

 

You may benefit from the priest's understanding. Yes, he's old but I'm sure he's talked with many women and men throughout his life that have had similar struggles. He may understand better than you think.

Or, if you have another female close friend to talk with, that would be good.

 

--

 

I don't know your man, but I see you've given some thought into if you could see yourself spending your life with him.

 

Though I feel confident you don't plan to let things progress farther than you want and keep your virginity, I urge you to stop dating him so you won't go further with your sexual learning.

 

You may like that's he's willing to "help" you, but something I was told when I was single in my 20s and 30s: don't waste time with dating someone you can't see falling in love with.

 

As you say you have decided he's not the one for you. So even if you're "just friends" and continue dating him, being "an item" sends signals that you're not available to others.

 

If I were single and dating and your age and saw you dating someone, I wouldn't consider asking you out.

 

--

 

You think you used him, as you say, but he I'm sure got some thrills with his experience with you as well.

 

There's no shame BTW in being a virgin. And I wouldn't condemn you if you had given yourself to him (though obviously, I was urging you to think it through and be careful). I know it's a big struggle for you and commend your being so open here.

 

You say you don't know a lot of things sexually. Consider that a good thing. You'll learn things and can pick things up on your own. I've posted a lot of things lately about my "experiences." Maybe too many things. I have many regrets...

 

You're doing well. Go out and make some friends. You'll find them by joining campus groups like your denomination's campus group. You'll also find more people who have similar interests. You may also start to feel less of an urgent need to learn things sexually.

 

I am sure there is a man out there for you. Maybe one with similar struggles which you can freely discuss after you've gotten to know him and his personality.

Edited October 12, 2010 by Floridaman

[Floridaman]

I wasn't heckling her. Heckling is implying that I'm jeering, jabbing, whatever. I was not. I really laughed out loud. Because my exposure to her posts have been "I wonder what balloon sex is like, has anyone heard of it?" and the thing about her aunt's sybian. Her other posts about her innocence I have not been privy to, sorry. Had I been my response may have been different. Or not, who knows.

 

...I wasn't mocking her, just reflecting on her past posts that I have read in lieu of her recent question.

Heckling was too strong. I should have used laughing, as you said, would have been a far better word.

 

...she's posted other things like being "suprised" and "scared" of seeing her man's ejaculate shoot onto her.

That sounds pretty innocent to me.

 

In case you didn't look up the threads, here are some of Penny's earlier posts and what I was referencing about "being afraid."

I've left most of the posts in to keep in context. Emphasis mine...

 

My only experience with a male was about two years ago while in high school. We were both unlearned in the art of lovemaking and afraid. I was letting him rub his member between my thighs with my panties on. He came and spilled it all over me. He gave no explanation and did not try again. It became limp and he would not drive me home about 4 blocks .I walked in the rain scared and dirty. his fluids ran to my shoes and I took a bath as soon as Ii got back to my room

 

I never had a man inside me but two have gone off on the outside. The first scared me as I was not expecting it and did not know that is how it works. The second guy was outside and I was thrilled that I was woman enough to get him that aroused, but I cried because i was too afraid to let him inside of me. maybe better next time if he does not lose interest in me.

 

I am thoroughly pleased and confident how things are going. I am still afraid he will lose interest. Any tips for this weekend? Just something a little bit daring but yet safe? perhaps get totally naked?

Me 20 him 38. We have done everything except oral, anal, and penetration

... I am witholding penetration for moral and religious reasons.

 

We have been naked but did not sleep together naked. When he does the thrusting between my thighs we manage for me to have one layer of fabric between us. Yes, i have been told that sperm can seep between but would be rare. ( i hope) In my post i wanted to feel the sensation without the fabric.

 

To complete the quotes...

We have done no more than what was in my previous posts. Fact is I have been keeping more clothing in place ..... My friend is not the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with although he is so nice. I fel like I have used him to discover myself and I do not want to hurt him.

 

I've included your quotes, Penny, not to embarass you but give context to the discussion earlier in this thread... Besides, no one knows who we are.

Edited October 12, 2010 by Floridaman

[quankanne]

just be general when confessing your sins – the priest really isn't interested in whether or not you've learned the Kama Sutra, but whether you have remorse for your sins. And it's okay to be perfectly honest and tell him that "I know what I've done is wrong, but I still can't help but be interested in those things, and I don't know how to reconcile the two." A good priest will help you figure those things out – mind you, always with the intent to keep you spiritually whole, not encourage sin. That said, if you slip up, he's not going to condemn, but just keep reminding you that nothing you do is so bad that it can't be forgiven by God if you sincerely desire to heal the relationship with him.

 

as for another poster's comment about the priest wanting to know so he can assess punishment – confession isn't about punishing a sinner, but helping him reconcile his relationship with God. it's only us old-timers who still call it "confession" because that's the term we grew up with; the proper name of the sacrament is "reconciliation," which puts the focus on healing, not punishment.

[hellhathnofury]

It's always very difficult going to confession when you've known the priest a long time, he's almost like a family friend...it can be embarassing.

Of course, he is sworn to secrecy by the sanctity of the confessional, and I'm sure he is compassionate enough to not judge anyone who comes to him, from a personal opinion he may hold - but it's still difficult. It's like, he'll see you later in mass... and he knows.....

It's like submitting to a doctor for an internal examination - and he's coming to lunch with the folks later on!

 

There's nothing stopping you going to another church and taking confession with a priest you don't know, are not familiar with or have never met. It might be easier then.......

I've done this so often in the past, I'm thinking of moving to a different country, I'm running out of options...! J/K!

[quankanne]

LMAO – try working with the priests of your diocese! I'm too chicken to find a confessor here, and plan to scout around next time I visit home, half-way across the state.

 

they tell me not to worry about that, because there's nothing they've never heard before, and that most of the stuff falls into several categories, and that they don't remember. Well, I've got a very distinctive voice, and considering I work for their boss, they hear it quite often. So, "Bless me Father ... I did X X and X" is gonna come back to haunt me with these guys :laugh:

[Floridaman]

Priests are trained professionals, and are expected to follow a code, much like doctors and psychologists and counselers.

Just like people in other professions, there are a few bad apples and some do unprofessional things, but overall, you shouldn't have anything to fear.

I can't see a priest relating to another priest something shocking he heard in confession...

 

In all honesty, I don't think you went too far and didn't physically commit any sin. Light sex-play like you described is normal, especially for women younger than you.

 

You may do more of that in future relationships, like oral (but short of intercourse). That's a different realm and something that brings you much closer physically and emotionally to your BF and may bring you some guilt.

 

You certainly could have gone further - and I am afraid I was one that thought you had gone all the way (given your "I need to talk to a priest" post...).

 

The collage of your posts I posted show the progression and how you used your judgement and didn't let things go farther than you wanted.

 

We have done no more than what was in my previous posts. Fact is I have been keeping more clothing in place ..... My friend is not the one I would want to spend the rest of my life with although he is so nice. I fel like I have used him to discover myself and I do not want to hurt him.

You think you're sexually immature but you're learning from this.

 

Just re-read how you're starting to wear more clothes in your make-out or sexuaal exploration sessions with him and aren't letting things go their natural way. That sends signals to your partner.

You see where it could go and don't want to head that direction.

 

You were stronger than I when I was 18 (younger than you) and tempted by my first real steady GF that willingly offered herself to me.

It wasn't all her doing, of course. This was before I became a Christian, but I still knew what I was doing wasn't right and had great guilt over it, as did she.

 

If you do get sexually involved outside of marriage or in a committed relationship, know you can be forgiven.

Edited October 12, 2010 by Floridaman