PSG Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 I have been with my boyfriend for 15 years. We lived together for 10 years...had trouble and I got my own place 3 years ago. Since then...things have been great....or so I thought. Out of the blue 5 days ago he calls me and tells me he is spending the weekend with another woman. Also tells me he saw her this summer. I hung up on him and told him the relationship is over. I haven't tried to call him and he hasn't contacted me since. I am just devastated. Who treats someone like that after 15 years??
Shadowburn Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Sorry you have to go through this. Unfortunately, amount of time spent in a relationship is not a guarantee that you would stay together forever. Probably there were red flags all along, as you said yourself you had to get your own place. I'm sure he thought about breaking up for a long time now. Good job for not calling him. When there is another person involved, immediate NC is the best.
skydiveaddict Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Someone who is cruel and self centered. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how much it hurts. Hang in there, you will be ok
Jane Doe Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 I'm so sorry. I'm sure you must be in a tremendous amount of pain and shock right now. This will take some time to get over. At least he told you, which is more than many men do. Clearly he's moved on and has no respect for you or your relationship so now it's time for you to take care of you. Grieve, spend time with family and friends, do something to better yourself, and focus on the future, not on the past. The past is over.
BellaBellaBella Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 I'm sorry your hurting. He was a chicken not to tell you in person.
Author PSG Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 Thanks everyone. I just really feel duped. I thought things were good. He had surgery at beginning of the year and told me he loved me and couldn't imagine growing old without me. Even showed up spur of the moment with a diamond necklace to thank me for helping nurse him back to health. Sigh.
Author PSG Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 So woke up today.....thinking/knowing that he is spending the long weekend with someone else. Hard to believe he hasn't even called/emailed to say he is sorry or to check in. I haven't contacted him and won't. The only problem is I have a lot of things (including) some important documents) over at his house. I can leave them all there for now but will eventually need my things. Still shocked that he could be so callous. Have told my friends but haven't said anything to my family yet. UGH
PixieStix Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 So woke up today.....thinking/knowing that he is spending the long weekend with someone else. Hard to believe he hasn't even called/emailed to say he is sorry or to check in. I haven't contacted him and won't. The only problem is I have a lot of things (including) some important documents) over at his house. I can leave them all there for now but will eventually need my things. Still shocked that he could be so callous. Have told my friends but haven't said anything to my family yet. UGH Hang in there, it will get better. My ex left after 3 yrs together to be with someone else and believe it or not when I saw him last week, I felt nothing. Granted it has been since May that we split up, but when someone leaves you for another, you are much better off just walking away. Stick with your NC and get out there and live, date, do things with friends. Hang in there.
fabio10 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 First of all I think you should tell your family, I know it is so hard to hear yourself even saying the words that your other half has left you but they will be vital in you getting through this ! I know right now the days seem like they are dragging and the nights are cold and lonely but you will get through this. He is a PIG simple as that if he loved you he would not have treated you this way, dont blame yourself he is a flawed individual,dont waste your time wondering why he hasnt contacted you cause in time he will I bet my life on it and you will have to be strong, 15years is a hell of a long time and I could not begin to understand the hurt you are feeling but you deserve to be happy and you alone can determine which way your life goes from here. Get a friend to get your stuff you need from his place you dont want to see him right now, dont feel ashamed about telling your family it is 'HE' who should be ashamed not you !!!!
lofi_tokyo Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Wow. That is devastating. I don't know what to tell you right now. Things will get better, and I think in your heart you know this, its just hard to feel that way when everything seems so bleak and your heart is screaming for things to go back to the "good days". Let yourself cry for now. Feel the hurt you need to feel. Talk to friends and family, and post here if you need to.
Author PSG Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 Thanks everyone. I will keep posting. Still haven't been able to tell my parents. This weekend was tough because I knew he was with the other lady and it was a long weekend so I wasn't distracted by work. I knew he was selfish which is part of why I moved out a few years back. However, I really thought things were back on track. I still haven't called or emailed or anything and it has been since last Wed - so almost a week. He hasn't even tried to check in with me either. He tells me he is spending the weekend with someone else, that he saw her this summer...and doesn't even send an email to say he is sorry. Not that I would believe that but for all he knows I threw myself off of a bridge this weekend (don't worry I would never do that) BUT I guess it turns out he doesn't care at all. God this sucks.
mickleb Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 God this sucks. You're not wrong.. This weekend was tough because I knew he was with the other lady and it was a long weekend so I wasn't distracted by work. ..except for the underlined word. Take care and advice from here. One day you'll be thanking him for being such a complete d:ckhead that you didn't end up spending the rest of your life with him. For the moment, focus on making sure you look after yourself. (There's a great website called abandonment.net that I strongly recommend you look at, also.) x
hellhathnofury Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 So woke up today.....thinking/knowing that he is spending the long weekend with someone else. Hard to believe he hasn't even called/emailed to say he is sorry or to check in. I haven't contacted him and won't. The only problem is I have a lot of things (including) some important documents) over at his house. I can leave them all there for now but will eventually need my things. Still shocked that he could be so callous. Have told my friends but haven't said anything to my family yet. UGH I take it you don't have a key to his place? I would turn up at his place one evening when you know he will be home, if at all possible with a Police Officer, to ask if you could please get the documents you need, and to arrange a suitable and mutually agreeable date/time, to pick the remainder of your stuff up. While the officer is there, take an inventory of your stuff and get your BF to sign it, in front of the officer. My cousin had to do this with her ex BF and fortunately the Police were very understanding, helpful and supportive, but then again, he did have a history of violence. I wish you well. I know it sounds trite to say this, but viewing the fact that he's treated you so appallingly, try not to waste too much time on heartbreak, and focus instead on the lucky escape. What a jerk.....
Author PSG Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 Actually I do have a key and live about a mile away. I have made a point to not even drive over where I might see him. He supposedly has a business trips towards the end of Oct (if that is even true) so if I haven't heard from him I may just go over there then and get my things. Just thinking that exactly one week ago tonight I picked him up and we went to dinner and hugged and kissed goodnight like everything was just fine! Then the very next night OVER. The problem is while I have a lot of great friends I can talk to on the phone - none of them live anywhere near me. Just which I had them closer so I could go and hang out and be distracted from my life.
skydiveaddict Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I am just so sad. Hang in there. you're gonna be ok. Believe in yourself.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 PSG this sucks, I wish there was a time limit safety net that once you reached it = life long love but be it my relationship that was 2.5 years or yours that was 15 sometimes they come to an abrupt end. I just wish people could remain in love easier it just seems not to be the case as of right now. Hang in there like you told me, Now you said long weekend I assume you are Canadian? As it was our Thanksgiving. I got my bad news delivered to me today but I was already split from the ex. So it's not cheating but still hurts yet also a relief at least it has been a relief since I've found out. I had a gut feeling this whole holiday.
hellhathnofury Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Actually I do have a key and live about a mile away. I have made a point to not even drive over where I might see him. He supposedly has a business trips towards the end of Oct (if that is even true) so if I haven't heard from him I may just go over there then and get my things. Regardless of what he says he's doing, I think this would be a good plan. Just thinking that exactly one week ago tonight I picked him up and we went to dinner and hugged and kissed goodnight like everything was just fine! Then the very next night OVER. I know this is hard - almost impossible - but you need to stop thinking things like this. Thinking about things like this can't ever change them, or give you answers, or give you closure. You may never get that.... You have to close it all up yourself..... The problem is while I have a lot of great friends I can talk to on the phone - none of them live anywhere near me. Just which I had them closer so I could go and hang out and be distracted from my life. We're a few comments from your keyboard, away.... Stick with us hun. We're here for you.
SadGirl23 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 PSG, I am so sorry for the misery and pain you must feeling. I could only imagine 10 years with someone, as I was approaching 6 years with my ex bf who dumped me. Not sure if he dumped me for someone else, but definitely ended our relationship no questions asked. I know that feeling of abandonment. It's been 2.5 months since the breakup, and my ex screwed with my emotions so many times, that if I do see him, one of us may go to jail. This man hurt me beyond worse, but my main job is to focus on me. That is what you need to do. It's going to be hard, but now you got to readjust your life back to how it used to be before him. It's your only hope to atleast feel like you still have yourself. You can lose him, lose everything else around you, but don't lose yourself; if you already did, try to find it. I am still trying too, but I'm almost there. I made it this far, but certainly, I no longer am in much pain as the first month. Considering I was with him for 5 years, I am in a much better place, which is peace. However, I know its normal because lately I have been losing myself again and slipping back to the grief stage. It's hard.. I do wish you all the best and hope you can get thru this someway and somehow. Please continue to use LS as your journal, it's been helping me!
skydiveaddict Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 (edited) Regardless of what he says he's doing, I think this would be a good plan. I know this is hard - almost impossible - but you need to stop thinking things like this. Thinking about things like this can't ever change them, or give you answers, or give you closure. You may never get that.... You have to close it all up yourself..... We're a few comments from your keyboard, away.... Stick with us hun. We're here for you. yes I argee remember, believe in yourself and you will make it help is on the way Edited October 13, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Author PSG Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 You all are so supportive. Thank you for being so kind to someone you don't even know. I know I need to get out of the "a week ago today" loop BUT....a week ago today he was telling me to drive carefully because of the rain and slippery roads. A week ago today I was planning on what new things to cook for us over the long weekend. Then a week ago tonight he tells me there is someone else. I just don't think I will ever understand. At work with a fake smile plastered on when all I want to do is go home, climb under the covers, and cry.
Author PSG Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 So I keep posting here so I don't email him. I really just want to say WHY? Did I mean that little to you that you have no problem throwing me away like garbage? I just don't understand.
fabio10 Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I know exactly the way you are feeling I was the same 'ohhhh this time last week we were on the beach etc etc ' for ages I was like that, but look at it as all lies how could someone truely love you and now be with someone else !?! You would never do the same to him why...cause you love but if he can do it...does he love you ???? It will be hard for you he was a massive part of your life, but the key word is 'PART' you have other parts and now you need to explore them, will you please please please tell your family whats going on ? Imagine one of your loved ones suffering on their own would'nt you like to help them !
BellaBellaBella Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 PSG, Thinking about you! This was a very cruel thing to do. Having these feelings of a week ago, he was doing this is normal. Had you guys made long term plans for living togather again? Did you feel anything different over the summer? While your heart is broken, he was the one who took things out of the relationship. We are all here for you! Bella
Author PSG Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 We were apart for work all summer (we usually are ...by 1000's of miles). When we both got back things seemed great. Even talked about getting another house near the beach and a smaller one here and being together. I told my folks last night.....I felt really good at first like it was a big relief. Then a few hours later just couldn't stop crying. I just don't understand that he isn't even concerned about me. Yes..I know he is selfish and horrid for what he did to me but I had no idea that it was to this extent!!! So.....as of last night one week with NC.
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