harkkam Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Its been 5 months since we broke up and 4 months of NC and then out of nowhere I get this text. I did ask my friends who know her to ask about me around month three but its been two months since even that and I get this. "hey its (name). Ya im texting u. I just wanted to say that in our relationship, I let you use me. I hid my inner most feelings and insecurities because I guess i was never fully comfortable with you. But thats all over and done with. I still need to get over the fact that I let you use me and my body I was never ready (I thought I was but I did it mostly because I just didnt want to lose you.) Our relationship brought me alot of pain and it will be a long while till I begin to appreciate the things I've gained. Im texting you this to let you know. I dont want to go back. I hope you learn not blame others for your problems and hurt feelings. Lots of luck!" At first I was like "lol what the hell I havent spoken to you in 4 months and the last time we did you hung the phone up on me" I know through friends that she has dated other guys as well made out with them etc who knows. I just dont understand why she would text me out of the blue like this. and NO I didnt send her anything in response. I dont need to, and plus I dont know what to say or if there is anything even left to be said. However I just would like to know what she is REALLY saying with her words. Maybe you guys could read between the lines. Oh yeah about the whole body thing, she claimed to be a virgin when I met her. However I doubt that. Thanks
Author harkkam Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 do u guys have an idea why she sent it?
durkadurka Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 do u guys have an idea why she sent it? We don't know her so how would we know? There's really only 2 options. 1) She wants to see if you've moved on. 2) She wants to flaunt stuff in front of you She doesn't want to be your friend because friends don't disappear for several months at a time.
Sonolumino Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 WTF? How and why did you guys break up? Obviously if she was thinking these things then there was something very wrong with the relationship, or for some reason she never got closure and this is her way. It almost feels like she's trying to guilt you for something, maybe because she feels guilty about the way things ended? Who knows man, we need more information.
Author harkkam Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 Here is my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t235613/
Shadowburn Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 She is at the anger stage of her recovery right now and felt a need to throw it in your face. Good for you for being a bigger person and not responding and letting it go. There is nothing to say, and nothing actually you can possibly say that would make her feel better. It's a very lonely battle and she has to do all the work herself. If she feels you used her, then she has to learn on her own how not to let other people use her in her next relationships, or how not to feel used as a relationship is a two way street. Your trying to protest will lead only to blame games and more anger, so just ignore it. Good for you for moving on and keeping up with NC. Good luck.
Author harkkam Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 I also recently found out that she is dating a person and has been for the past two and a half months.
Author harkkam Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) I was wondering that rather than protesting her that I would send an email. I know she is dating somebody and has been for 2 months now, we have broken up for 6 months now. The goal of my email would be to get her to think about me in a different light because when we broke up she say me as a certain person with certain flaws etc. In my email I hope through subtle communication to convey that I really have changed (btw I really have), but not saying those words but rather apologizing to her for my part in the demise of the relationship and not blaming her one bit. Then just tell her how my life has been going and that I wish her well. I feel like if I counter her negativity with a positive email, it will throw her off and make her re-consider what she thinks of me. Instead of this horrible monster that she paints me out to be in her mind. -- How is that for a strategy? I really do want her back and I wont lie this is not for closure or for just a harmless little message. I believe that you can change and that people who hold certain views about you based on who you used to be, will exclude themselves from you. Which is natural especially if you hurt them. But I still do love her. I have hooked up with two women since our break up but I think about her everyday. I thought that if I did this, that I did send this very neutral and positive email not preaching or demanding that I would never feel regret that she never got to "meet" me with the new wisdom and knowledge and maturity I have now. --- But sending this email does open a can of worms that if she doesnt respond what will I do? A part of me says "Well then you know that she knows who YOU are and its now up to her for her to care enough to find out more" or a part of me says "Well if she doesn't respond, I could send her a few emails spaced a few months apart and with her own healing would have a greater and greater impact" After these few emails have been sent THEN I will know with confidence that I did my best to show her the person that I have become and no longer does she need to hold these views about me that were formed during the relationship when I made many mistakes. I do love her, I did hookup with two women, I have phone numbers of girls if I choose to date them. But I havent. I really think she was very special and I dont believe in the ONE anymore but rather in shades of grey and she came closer than any other person I met to what I had been looking for. Which is why I havent been able to give her up in my spirit. Maybe I should be going out and looking for another person that I can relate to on the same level but she really has a special place in my heart. I am 24 she is 20 been 6 month since breakup NC for 4 months we dated for a year and here is the back story if people need it http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t235613/ What should I do? Edited October 16, 2010 by harkkam
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