pandagirl Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Well, technically my ex broke NC by texting me Friday night, but hearing from him made me realize how much I've healed during almost a month of NC. When I saw his number on my phone (I had delete him as a contact), I was shocked. If this was a couple a weeks ago, I would have freaked out, analyzed what every word of his message meant, and replied back within the hour. Instead, I was a little jolted, but I put my phone down, told my friends he had texted me, and went back to watching the movie that was on. Hearing from him didn't make me sad. It didn't evoke any negative emotions, except for missing him. It was actually a really comforting feeling to know he is still thinking of me, as I am still thinking of him. I did end up replying to him last night. It's just nice to have that NC tension broken, BUT only because I have come far enough to not let it affect me. I'm not expecting anything to come from this. I know I will be fine without him. I miss him, but that is only human. So, everyone -- NO CONTACT is the best, fastest way to healing yourself. Everyone says it, and it's true!
davisc123 Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 That's great. As long as you don't get sucked back in. Sounds like you are loads better for NC, but still some way off being entirely healed. So I would say its best to avoid text conversations that may be harmless enough in the beginning but could end up setting you back.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) Sounds like you are healing well but I caution that this may just be a "High" and you may feel the effects of the "Lows" when or if they surface later. This could still be a "checking in" curiousity from the ex. I mean if you are comfortable being "just friends" and possibily hearing about his future flings then breaking NC is fine as you have let him go. If you want to be able to reconcile not neccessarily right now but a possibility in the future then I don't know if this was the right thing. Of course thinking of each other is a happy thought but the effect is now dwindled because he got ahold of you and now has to miss you all over again. I'm 5 weeks finished and on the 6th week of NC with my ex, I want to so badly talk to her but I know it will set me back. I had two moments of weaknesses today and rang but each time hung up before a dialtone so my strength caught back up. (One time was an accident as I was phoning my mother who is one below my ex on contact list and the other time I faked that as an excuse if she were to answer but I caught myself faster) I renamed my ex to do not answer so she doesn't appear close to my mother. Edited October 10, 2010 by Billie The Puppet
SadGirl23 Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) Similiar scenario happened to me. I went NC. Ex text me a few days ago begging me to go to church with him and asking if I still think of him/care for him? LOL okay, hate to laugh but how of wuss he sounds after he broke up with me 2.5mths ago. ANYHOW, I replied and it didn't really bother me. I didn't find myself breaking down in tears like I used too. For once, I text him back as if I could give a shyt, but just was curious as to why he text me. NC is a great method. I didn't use it as a "game" to win him back or to make him miss me, I used it because I didn't think I could see anything out of all the bull^#& he put me through. The glass is already broken, and he came back messing with the pieces and left it there again. So, NC helped me see him as a acquaintance now and not the guy I put on a pedestal. I don't think I could ever love him or trust him again. He did me so wrong! NC, in my situation, worked. Not gonna lie, I do sometimes miss him, but I am just one of those few NC relationships that my ex never goes away for good. We don't talk for weeks, and he comes back maybe to check up on me, i don't know. But I am glad I have this feeling as if I don't care if he comes back or leaves. Edited October 10, 2010 by SadGirl23
health Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 I find breaking no contact usually affects me bad like one week after. The last time it did, but I feel stronger now - and learned to keep no contact going forward. If you're comfortable not wanting a relationship with your ex any more then it's okay. Congrats!
HopeLove Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 It's the same for me as well. Every time I broke NC I felt really good but soon after so miserable that is not worth for me to break NC.
Author pandagirl Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 I find breaking no contact usually affects me bad like one week after. The last time it did, but I feel stronger now - and learned to keep no contact going forward. If you're comfortable not wanting a relationship with your ex any more then it's okay. Congrats! I don't want to be my ex's "friend." Not ready for that yet, nor do I want to hear about his dating life. I did text him back, but I don't care if I don't hear from him for another 30 days. I think my breakup was a little different in that I wasn't blindsided by him dumping me. I was fully aware we weren't doing well, and thoughts of breaking up with HIM were on my mind, too. I was just more willing to try to work it out. I don't see NC as a game. Nor do I see it as a way to "get" back my ex. I realize the fastest way to get through a breakup is to move on and try to make yourself happy. My end goal has nothing to do with my ex. It has to do with me.
Author pandagirl Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 This could still be a "checking in" curiousity from the ex. I mean if you are comfortable being "just friends" and possibily hearing about his future flings then breaking NC is fine as you have let him go. If you want to be able to reconcile not neccessarily right now but a possibility in the future then I don't know if this was the right thing. Of course thinking of each other is a happy thought but the effect is now dwindled because he got ahold of you and now has to miss you all over again. This post puts way too much focus and emphasis on caring what my ex thinks, which is where NC goes wrong and doesn't works its purpose of healing the individual. Is he "checking" in on me? Maybe, but who cares. "Do I want to be able to reconcile not necessarily right now but a possibility in the future"? I have no idea. I used to want to get back together, but now I don't know if that's what I want. What I DO know, is when people get back together it just happens, regardless of NC. So it's fruitless to even think or strategize about it. He has to "start missing me all over"? This is really the least of my concerns. My goal of NC is no for him to "miss me." To the OP, no wonder NC isn't working for you. You're focusing entirely too much of your energy on your ex. But in time, I hope that starts to change.
andys Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Well I broke NC and checked her facebook today, found she'd changed her relationship status to "no longer single", hurt like a knife, but at least it's made me realise it's over and I'm not getting her back, and now I need to move on, so it was probably for the best.
health Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 I don't want to be my ex's "friend." Not ready for that yet, nor do I want to hear about his dating life. I did text him back, but I don't care if I don't hear from him for another 30 days. I think my breakup was a little different in that I wasn't blindsided by him dumping me. I was fully aware we weren't doing well, and thoughts of breaking up with HIM were on my mind, too. I was just more willing to try to work it out. I don't see NC as a game. Nor do I see it as a way to "get" back my ex. I realize the fastest way to get through a breakup is to move on and try to make yourself happy. My end goal has nothing to do with my ex. It has to do with me. Agreed. I never looked at nc as a game eiher. It was always to heal oneself as you said in the following post.
cb9343 Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 do you think you would break NC if he was leaving for bootcamp for 6 months and asked me to grab dinner?
stopthemadness Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Thanks soo much for saying that N/C is the best way. Ive been broke up with my ex for about 4 months. But we havent gone N/C Ive tryed but he contacts me. Never has few weeks gone by without an email or a call. Soo good for you cause I think am doing it the hard way.....
Author pandagirl Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 Thanks soo much for saying that N/C is the best way. Ive been broke up with my ex for about 4 months. But we havent gone N/C Ive tryed but he contacts me. Never has few weeks gone by without an email or a call. Soo good for you cause I think am doing it the hard way..... Take the time to heal yourself. Remember, you guys didn't work for a reason. I don't know the circumstances of your breakup, but sometimes relationships just don't work out, and there's nothing wrong with that. What has helped me is realizing that there were a lot of differences that made us not work. We loves each other, but sometimes differences can't be overcome. No one is to blame.
jeff2321 Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 If you're the dumpee I'd recommend not breaking NC at all. Usually the dumpee is feeling more pain, rejection, grief than the dumper. The dumpee after breaking NC will have to start all over again and that just is a major rollercoaster full of emotions that I'd rather not go through again. I miss my ex like no other, but she has made it clear to me that she does not want me back. She even said "The last month being single I've had more fun than being with you for the last two whole years". I think that pretty much sums up that she isn't coming back so I will never ever ever ever ever contact her in anyway again ( or any of her friends ). I guess the exception might be when I'm in a long term committed relationship again and I'm just curious, but why would I even care at that point? If you're a dumpee, stay with NC so you can continue to heal and not subject yourself to immense pain. Because chances are, if your dumper is a woman, she's proabably already got another guy she's hooking up with anyway and that will just tear you up listening to and watching that take place with you in the background. My .02 on the subject (I'm going on 4-5 weeks NC now... I'm losing count). Jeff
Author pandagirl Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 If you're the dumpee I'd recommend not breaking NC at all. Usually the dumpee is feeling more pain, rejection, grief than the dumper. If you're feeling pain, rejection and grief, then you shouldn't not break NC, for sure. I miss my ex like no other, but she has made it clear to me that she does not want me back. She even said "The last month being single I've had more fun than being with you for the last two whole years". I think that pretty much sums up that she isn't coming back so I will never ever ever ever ever contact her in anyway again ( or any of her friends ). Um... what a horrible thing to say! If my ex said that to me, there'd be no way I'd ever talk to him again!
jeff2321 Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 If you're feeling pain, rejection and grief, then you shouldn't not break NC, for sure. I miss my ex like no other, but she has made it clear to me that she does not want me back. She even said "The last month being single I've had more fun than being with you for the last two whole years". I think that pretty much sums up that she isn't coming back so I will never ever ever ever ever contact her in anyway again ( or any of her friends ). Um... what a horrible thing to say! If my ex said that to me, there'd be no way I'd ever talk to him again! Yeah when she said that it was like having a knife shoved through my heart and turned in several directions. Even 5 weeks later just the though of that comment just tears me up, but if she is being honest, then I guess I'm thankful she is telling me now rather than 5 years down the line with marriage and kids in the picture.
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