Darby5126 Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Caught my GF cheating with another guy. Is there truth that some relationships can survive after this?
Pyro Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 depends how much you BOTH want it to, but I think a majority of relationships will not last. If your GF really wants things to work she will have to be patient with you as you attempt to gain her trust back and she obviously has to be willing to be faithful.
LisaLee Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 I'll tell you a story: I have an 80 year old client who was married to her husband for 45 years. When they were married for 24 years he cheated on her... she literally caught him with his pants down. She had a shotgun and almost killed him and the OW, and the only thing that stopped her was their daughter showed up. In the end the hubby ditched the OW and stayed with his wife, they were married for another 20+ years before he died 6 years ago. And let me tell you... she still has not gotten over his infidelity. She talks about it like it happened just yesterday, reliving every gory detail. One day I asked her if she was over him cheating on her and she said no! Even after spending another 20 years with him, even after him being dead for almost 10 years... she had still not gotten over his cheating and the pain is as fresh as if it just happened. So can a relationship survive? Sure it can... but it will probably never be the same.
BeatrixKiddo Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 My relationships never will. Ditto on that. Been there, done that, and won't do it again.
Lemontang Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 From 1st hand experience I'll say no. An ex of mine cheated and silly me took her back thinking we had enough substance in the relationship to get through it. Sure things seemed rosy but it still sat in the back of my mind and unfortunately with good reason. Turn's out it wasn't the 1st time, let alone the last and was always with a random. So not only was my trust broken it was exploited. So as much as I hate to say it but once cheater always a cheater.
Oliver0 Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 I would have difficulties trying to trust her again ....i would see her with different eyes and unfortunately i would lose my trust for good as much as i might love her ....
andrew-bkk Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Think of some of the most disgusting pornographic imagery imaginable. Her face covered in ... Her begging him to ... Her swallowing his ... Her taking it up the ... Chances are, your ex and the guy she went with did some of this. Chances are, some of this imagery is real. You'll never get that out of your mind. Never. It's over bro. And it happened to me too. It hurts, but you gotta move on.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Call me a SAP but I could forgive and forget this act. However if it were to happen again then it is bye bye. On the flip side of the token I could never bring myself to do it myself. I once had a co worker strip on webcam for me not that I asked for it but the guilt carried with me and I told my gf at the time about it. Needless to say I broke her trust. The gf at that time is my current ex but the incident was 3 years ago and she's only been an ex for 3 months. Trust was rebuilt on that issue, however I then found a flirtatious email from her to her current boss and confronted her about it. Since then we have been split. She did the breaking but I would have been willing to work things out. I think it is possible but both parties have to want it. It's a tougher road to follow and chances of them lasting are slim but not 0%. I do believe the toughness is exponential though like I said I'd give it 2 strikes and you out. (1st time I'd be hurt but willing to work it out depending on the scenario 2nd strike you are out)
USMCHokie Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 I do believe the toughness is exponential though like I said I'd give it 2 strikes and you out. (1st time I'd be hurt but willing to work it out depending on the scenario 2nd strike you are out) And this is exactly why it's one and done for me. There's no way in hell I'd go through the relationship "waiting" for the next time she cheats...I don't need the added stress every time she meets a new guy...
Billie The Puppet Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 And this is exactly why it's one and done for me. There's no way in hell I'd go through the relationship "waiting" for the next time she cheats...I don't need the added stress every time she meets a new guy... I guess I am just holding a bias because I am still pining for another chance I know second chances don't work, I need to move on etc w/ an accused cheater. I found an email never caught in the act nor do I know if this email has been acted on. So I haven't really put this to the test. Well I can't cause currently she is an ex and neither of us have contacted each other since my NC letter. However I can understand where your beliefs are. I guess it's a complete love killer for you.
YellowShark Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 My EX had an EA and I caught her. We did the therapy thing, layed out the boundaries that were acceptable, she made promises to never do it again, the whole story. Two years later she had another EA that went PA. I was gone and moved out without negotiation within 4 days. Therefore my experience is once a cheater not always a cheater. Twice a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 My EX had an EA and I caught her. We did the therapy thing, layed out the boundaries that were acceptable, she made promises to never do it again, the whole story. Two years later she had another EA that went PA. I was gone and moved out without negotiation within 4 days. Therefore my experience is once a cheater not always a cheater. Twice a cheater ALWAYS a cheater. So you're with my 2 strikes! Though it still does look like in your case Once a cheater always a cheater jsut so happens the length of time in between cheating and types of cheating differed.
Mad Max Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Some do, most don't. You will never completely trust the person.
YellowShark Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 So you're with my 2 strikes! Though it still does look like in your case Once a cheater always a cheater jsut so happens the length of time in between cheating and types of cheating differed. I realize that we are all human and make mistakes. When my EX had her EA I was initially packed and ready to move out. But I/we decided to work through it and move forward. The reality was that I never fully trusted her like I did before the first affair. That's a fact. But when she did it again I knew that I could never ever trust her again. Hence, one a cheater not always a cheater, twice a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater.
livbylove22 Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Caught my GF cheating with another guy. Is there truth that some relationships can survive after this? I think its possible but things will never be the same. You wont trust them ever again. If they leave to go to the store or go to a friends house your going to be thinking constantly if its the truth. One of my best friends was cheated on for months and gave him a second chance after being apart for 6 months. They have been together 4 years and still she has not gotten over it. They fight constantly mostly because she does not trust him. Its a major issue that they truely will never get over.
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