counterman Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Say you have plans with friends, would you bring your boyfriend or girlfriend along? With or without asking? And, how often?
Knittress Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 I HATE it when people do this. It makes me respect them less for not caring about having their own individual lives. And it's just so freaking annoying when they get self-absorbed and antisocial towards the rest of the group.
threebyfate Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 I'm a big believer in co-mingling friends and significant others. We're having both his and my friends over for Canadian Thanksgiving tonight. Should be fun!
Author counterman Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 Well, I planned something solely with my friends. One them said, in a matter-of-fact way, "oh yeah, I'm bringing my boyfriend". I knew how this was going to turn out (self-absorbed, as though others aren't around), so I said "you go with him and I'll go with others". Turns out all I did was give her a dating idea with boyfriend. She thinks I am upset but all I am is just wiser. She hasn't been a good friend and this is the last straw. I'm all for co-mingling. But she has basically made this guy her life just after weeks of dating. She jumped from a 3 year relationship to another in the space of a couple of months and she filled those couple of months with "friends" and then it's back to making another guy her whole life. Sorry, I cannot accommodate all my plans with friends to include a couple who obviously want to spend time with each other. What's the point of having the outing in the first place? If I was in relationship, I would have days where we can co-mingle, days where it would be just is two and days where in with my friends only. Not all days gf, gf, gf + friends, gf, etc.
Crazy Magnet Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 We co-mingle a lot but I try to schedule some events with only my friends and let him have evenings with only his friends although we mostly hang out with other couples so it's not often that activities come up that we wouldn't attend together. What got me though was I started getting a group together for an event in a few weeks and I have a friend who's bf/fiance didn't want to go, so she tried to make it a girl's only event and un-invite everyone's SO and all other men that were invited. I told her to stay home if she can't leave the house without him and that I wasn't changing my entire guest list based on her fiance. She does this all the time though and now that she is engaged she will only attend either all girls events or couples events, but she will never go out in mixed company without him. It's so weird.
Seamless74 Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 so would any of you go out alone with just one or two guy friends without your SO??? do you think that is appropriate...??
Author counterman Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 That's what I feel. I don't want to change my whole plans to accommodate her. I didn't mind if her boyfriend came along but it was the manner at which she brought it up. It's like hanging out with her friends does not matter, and she would prefer the company of her boyfriend but oh, you guys can come along too. I think a girl, who's in a relationship, can hang around two guy friends or more with her SO. She can set her boundaries. If the guys make a move, she knows their intent and can stand her ground. Plus, personally, I wouldn't make a move on one of my girl friends, if she has a boyfriend. It seems like a pointless endeavour. What is also pointless is trying to be friends with a girl that obviously only cares about her relationship with her boyfriend.
soserious1 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Say you have plans with friends, would you bring your boyfriend or girlfriend along? With or without asking? And, how often? Never, inviting a FWB along to such occasions sends an inappropriately mixed message. The only places I invite a man is out for a casual drink or meal in places I don't normally frequent or to my bed.
mortensorchid Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 This is important to do. This is often times the acid test when you are introduced to your new squeeze's circle of friends. You know that the person is serious about you if they want to introduce you to their friends and family. Also, you know that this will/won't work depending on how they react with each other. I've had the luck / hurt of seeing this happen in live action. I've had those in the past at first accepting my friends, then violently turning on them (and me). One should not ask for your bf/gf to like or even love your friends, but they should understand that this is your network and that they will be there. Your friends should feel the same way. If this doesn't jibe with one or both parties, you are in trouble. I've had two former friends all out HATE a bf I introduced to them. Before I had been struggling back and forth with others, then meeting a wonderful man who became the second love of my life. Both of them were married at the time (since divorced) and they both wrote me emails about how much they hated him. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. I've had some who accepted my friends then over time said they didn't want to see them AT ALL anymore. Then there was one who the day after he met one of my friends broke it off, which was years ago and as far as I could see he married someone else and is STILL trying to get back with me "as friends" or something stupid like that. Be sure to arrange it ahead of time unless it's a party where there will be a lot of people in order for you to mix and mingle. If you are going on an actual outing someplace to do something, you should let everyone know.
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