Ex sleeping with someone after break-up..

[Gt.ooh]

Ok, I know this is going to be a heated topic. I'm just going to start by saying:

What do people really think about an ex sleeping with someone or around with multiple after a break up no matter the origin of the breakup; (good, bad, down right painful)?

 

Obviously months to years after a break up no one can get mad for an ex sleeping with someone...

 

So to narrow it down further.. If u have broken up and your ex sleeps within days, couple weeks, or within the first month. Thoughts and feelings. Are you done for good, or do you see it as a possibility to bring u closer to them once they realize it isn't what it's cracked up to be?..

[SithLord]

My X started sleeping with her X, 4 weeks after we officially stop talking, she claims she was falling out of love to me for months. Whats funny I was drunk yesterday and I text and said im moving on with life etcccc, shes been super confuse blah blah, im de-confusing by leaving...she said she'll call me monday, I know what I want and if she still on her bull**** i dont want no part of. She still feels me, u dont erase me after 3 years together. I was in the state of shock, like wow this fast..i guess she needed to feel good because she had weight problems and she told me we wasnt together.. I understood but damn..shes hurt bc she hurt me like that. i did not care of none of this until i found out about them..

 

As man, we have the power to walk away, ive been keeping my cool and I was honest with her when I said i want u to be happy. She try to keep me as a friend and I made it clear im not gonna be someones half boyfriend....All or nothing. when I first text her the day after we met and she had this ego boost because i let be known i wanted her, i knock her off cloud 9, by telling her she gave me much to think about and i dont want to make her miserable so im gone, she ended calling me and then we spoke thru text heres the convo..

 

 

 

Me: Whats up, go your voicemail, at the barbershop, what did u want to discuss?

 

her: I dont know :-(

 

Me. Cool Okay (At this point I was done talking by saying that)

 

Her: Listen, I dont know what I want

 

me: u seemed cleared about what u wanted

 

her: Well I dont know. I was thinking about it, since I wokeup. Then when I spoke to you, you seemed fine to let it go, so I stop thinking about it. But im thinking again and I dont know im torn.

 

Me: What other choice besides moving on do I have. I had to suck it up and ur happiness is whats important. U made it clear im not the dude for u and I had no choice to accept and move on.

 

Her: Listen im scare to love u again and u havent given me time to even know if i want to. Im so confused and i have a lot to think about, bc if u willing to change, then you should think that you'll make me happy regardless of what happened in the past, like you contradicted yoursself today. Listen just know im thinking that im still thinking. I have a login in my head right now. im about to get off train in ct, ill contact u monday.

 

Me: Again im gonna repeat myself, u said i made u miserable, college etcc, what do u want me to say or do. im not putting pressure on u, not time clock or ultimatum, i was listening to u and what u said and i form my own conclusion. if im making u miserable i dont want to be that person to anybody. if u still want to talk on monday, we'll talk. enjoy ur weekend.

 

 

yesterday i text her drunk lol...

 

Im so in love with u, i know im drunk, but im prepare to leave and move on with life if i cant u, i wanna marry u and have kids. i will do right and change, im not gonna beg or plead, i dont care about anything, all i want is u like the song by miguel.

 

her:listen ur drunk right now, be careful and i will speak to u when i get back from CT.

 

Me: U listen, im cool, i know u dont love me and i accepted it and ill move on with life, lost the love of my life, ill swallow it. it hit me thank u. i want u to be happy, i wont bother no more and i know i cant settle to be friends bc thats not what i want.

 

her: ill hit u up when i get home.

 

i know this is long, what u guys think? its about transfering the energy..Im gonna disappear off to the night, this back and forth thing is not gonna happen. i told her im gonna fall out of love and that should make u happy. Whats crazy is, on her aim because i forgot to delete her, she wrote in spanish, what does she want to do..

Edited October 10, 2010 by SithLord

[Jannah]

Ok, I know this is going to be a heated topic. I'm just going to start by saying:

What do people really think about an ex sleeping with someone or around with multiple after a break up no matter the origin of the breakup; (good, bad, down right painful)?

 

Obviously months to years after a break up no one can get mad for an ex sleeping with someone...

 

So to narrow it down further.. If u have broken up and your ex sleeps within days, couple weeks, or within the first month. Thoughts and feelings. Are you done for good, or do you see it as a possibility to bring u closer to them once they realize it isn't what it's cracked up to be?..

 

Knowing someone you care about is being physically intimate with someone else, being "mad" over it or "hurt" by it, those feelings are normal. I think it can certainly validate that the relationship is over and I don't see it as a reason to bring two people closer.

 

Having said that, once the relationship is over, both individuals are free to date and/or be physically intimate with whomever they choose.

[Billie The Puppet]

Won't lie I'd feel hurt/jealous etc but I understand the ex has every right to considering the relationship is over. However it really is none of our business even if we were to get back together just as if it's a new relationship past sexual partners or comparing is none of our business as that's an insecurity.

[Gt.ooh]

Yes, as we all know it's so hard. My main thing is, how quickly they do it after the break-up. To me if it's within the first month, it would hurt a lot.. just would seem like u really didn't mean that much.

 

And I HATE, that the dumper can live with a decision much easier than us dumpees, we're emotional wrecks. They start doing their thing figuring out what they "want", and we as much as we want to can't just go out...test new waters. For we didn't want anything to end.

 

jannah is right, can't hold it against them..it's a matter of how quickly in my mind. They say; "one must let go before one can return." It's just the fact that they can move on much faster than us, and we take a lot of time. And the possibility of reconciliation few months-year down the road chances are us dumpees will be having a hard time for a good portion of that time, while they've been exploring so to speak.

 

It's been a month total I've been broken up. First break, then break-up... haven't talked to her for 2 out of 3 weeks (1 wk and 3 days NC). I have no idea what her schedule has been like or what she's been up to on weekends, but she wanted "space," so txting emailing isn't an option at this point. I just want to know what her vibe is so I can get an idea if she's starting her search for another person or just a fling? Being apart is not the silent killer, it's another person.. at least when it's confirmed I could move on at a much quicker pace.

The way we ended it I'm just confused and don't know what to think anymore. First it was a break not to date other ppl, then it progressed into we're single...but I was forcing her into that decision... I dunno..

Edited October 10, 2010 by Gt.ooh

[USMCHokie]

It's irrelevant...

 

Yes, as we all know it's so hard. My main thing is, how quickly they do it after the break-up. To me if it's within the first month, it would hurt a lot.. just would seem like u really didn't mean that much.

 

I learned long ago that I should never doubt how an ex felt about me during the relationship just because they don't feel that same way after the breakup. People change...circumstances change...emotions change... Just because she doesn't "care" now doesn't mean she didn't care before...so never doubt the feelings from the relationship. She did care. You did mean a lot to her. Maybe not as much now, but at some point in time, you were the most important thing in her life. But life changes...

[Jannah]

Yes, as we all know it's so hard. My main thing is, how quickly they do it after the break-up. To me if it's within the first month, it would hurt a lot.. just would seem like u really didn't mean that much.

 

And I HATE, that the dumper can live with a decision much easier than us dumpees, we're emotional wrecks. They start doing their thing figuring out what they "want", and we as much as we want to can't just go out...test new waters. For we didn't want anything to end.

 

jannah is right, can't hold it against them..it's a matter of how quickly in my mind. They say; "one must let go before one can return." It's just the fact that they can move on much faster than us, and we take a lot of time. And the possibility of reconciliation few months-year down the road chances are us dumpees will be having a hard time for a good portion of that time, while they've been exploring so to speak.

 

It's been a month total I've been broken up. First break, then break-up... haven't talked to her for 2 out of 3 weeks (1 wk and 3 days NC). I have no idea what her schedule has been like or what she's been up to on weekends, but she wanted "space," so txting emailing isn't an option at this point. I just want to know what her vibe is so I can get an idea if she's starting her search for another person or just a fling? Being apart is not the silent killer, it's another person.. at least when it's confirmed I could move on at a much quicker pace.

The way we ended it I'm just confused and don't know what to think anymore. First it was a break not to date other ppl, then it progressed into we're single...but I was forcing her into that decision... I dunno..

 

How quickly, well I can see your point in that regard. I know after my relationship ended with my ex fiance, it took me about a year before I could be physically intimate with someone else.

[Gt.ooh]

How quickly, well I can see your point in that regard. I know after my relationship ended with my ex fiance, it took me about a year before I could be physically intimate with someone else.

 

Wow, I feel for you. Yea, that's basically what I'm trying to get across..after all it really is just human nature "sex"... It didn't phase me that there had been 2 guys before me. Just the circumstances we are faced with after being dumped, makes it uber difficult. Thinking there wouldn't be anyone else, now u just don't know, because it's not like just meeting brand new person.where u have no idea about the past and had no ties..

[Capthxc]

It's hard for me to accept, but there really isnt anything i can do about it. And when/if the situation ever arises, then i have to stay calm or cool about it or any chance i might of had for reconciling and healing will be gone in an instant. Like others have said, feelings and people change.

 

My ex was never a very sexually active person. Shes not the type of girl to go out and sleep around with people for no reason unless she was dating them or planning on dating them. But regardless of knowing this, a big part of me feels like that now that she is single, shes going out to the bar and hooking up with all sorts of people to get over our break up. I mean, really, it's just me assuming things, and i should know better then that. I know she hasnt been around lately this past week, so i'm sure she has been out at the bar or partying over the past few days, and i'm feeling hurt because its like shes doing it in an attempt to hook up with someone else.

 

The message i got the other night didnt really help either, but i dont really think she played a part in that.

[strangeways]

It's irrelevant...

 

 

 

I learned long ago that I should never doubt how an ex felt about me during the relationship just because they don't feel that same way after the breakup. People change...circumstances change...emotions change... Just because she doesn't "care" now doesn't mean she didn't care before...so never doubt the feelings from the relationship. She did care. You did mean a lot to her. Maybe not as much now, but at some point in time, you were the most important thing in her life. But life changes...

 

 

I agree. Wise words.

[Jannah]

Wow, I feel for you. Yea, that's basically what I'm trying to get across..after all it really is just human nature "sex"... It didn't phase me that there had been 2 guys before me. Just the circumstances we are faced with after being dumped, makes it uber difficult. Thinking there wouldn't be anyone else, now u just don't know, because it's not like just meeting brand new person.where u have no idea about the past and had no ties..

 

Thanks. Water under the bridge.

 

The term "Dumper/Dumpee", is just a technical term.

 

Technically I was the dumper with my ex fiance, but that is because he cheated on me, and thus I ended the relationship. But, he is really the one who "dumped" me so to speak.

[mridul_chajilee]

This thread will be make mad,as all ready u have broken.So if here any moderator please trash it.On the other hand this thread will make us more suspectable,our ex can sleep with other guy but when it will come to light we can't bear anymore thats true,but before happening this we should not load our mind with such suspicision coz it will harm our day to day life.thanks.

[True Love]

Being a guy I wouldn't probably think about sleeping with someone else for ahilw after a break up if its on good terms, i'd more than likely be abit upset by the fact and wnat to stay friends, but if it's on bad terms then there is no telling how or when it would happen. If your out and drunk and end up taking someon home for a rebound i think thats fine, but i don't think it's fine for me or her to show it off the following day. As long as your ex is sleeping with people and you don't know it can't possibly harm you.

[Capthxc]

Being a guy I wouldn't probably think about sleeping with someone else for ahilw after a break up if its on good terms, i'd more than likely be abit upset by the fact and wnat to stay friends, but if it's on bad terms then there is no telling how or when it would happen. If your out and drunk and end up taking someon home for a rebound i think thats fine, but i don't think it's fine for me or her to show it off the following day. As long as your ex is sleeping with people and you don't know it can't possibly harm you.

Agree with this. Chances are it's going to happen one way or another. Dont stick your nose where it doesnt belong and you will soon find out that ignorance is bliss. Even if you do reconcile and find out about it, its not like you can be mad. That would be like getting upset about finding out who she slept with prior to dating you. The only real exceptions are when family and close friends are involved.

[Gt.ooh]

I agree with True Love...my break-up wasn't on any bad terms. I have all the questions with no answers. My head spins every single day. I know she is not the type to put herself out there as she does not sleep around only. That can change, but as I know her now she doesn't do that. In the few weeks after break-up I was definitely pushing her towards another person, but been NC for just over a week. "what we don't know won't hurt us." But a part of us just wants to know anyways, to bring some closure, to help move on..whatever your case may be.

 

It doesn't matter the situation, bad or good, just in general no one likes hearing about "ex and sex".. but best thing for any of us right here right now finding ourselves in these situations, is keep busy.. let the information you seek come to you in your own time..

[Jannah]

Bad terms or not, no one likes hearing about it. But it also validates that the relationship is over.

[Gt.ooh]

Bad terms or not, no one likes hearing about it. But it also validates that the relationship is over.

 

Indeed, not much more can be said. Basically give time, and space. Once you have done that, you will know a lot about where you stand. If they have stayed true to themselves and taken the time to think and not act...I'd say chances are pretty good for something down the road. Not trying to put false hope out there...just stating chances are better.

[paperbag111]

Shes not the type of girl to go out and sleep around with people for no reason unless she was dating them or planning on dating them.

 

That's what mine was like.

 

 

I understand that it' not anyone's business when it comes to your ex sleeping around. However it does extremely hurt

in certain situations like I found myself in. Really it doesn't matter if she sleeps with randoms months down the

track but my ex slept with a guy a few days after she broke up with me because she was "really upset and drunk".

Yes, I know what you are all thinking, technically we were not together and were single but it doesn't change how you feel.

I constantly remind myself that she wasn't the one because if she was, she wouldn't have left and slept with him, but I

can't but help but feel hurt, angry and sad. It does literally hurt! It hurts even more because I was fighting for her for

a while, reminding her of all the beautiful things we did together etc. trying to win her back and for her to tell me that

after a few weeks. It was like rubbing salt into my torn heart. And again, for her to put me down even more, unintentionally,

she called me during the first month or so before I found out to see how I was, to tell me that she missed me and my voice,

that I was the best thing to happen to her and that she still loved me. YES, that's right, that she still loved me.

 

Sometimes I do question NC. I believe sometimes you need to contact them to try and win them back because if you don't,

they could go and do something that they will really regret like mine did.

[Capthxc]

That's what mine was like.

 

 

I understand that it' not anyone's business when it comes to your ex sleeping around. However it does extremely hurt

in certain situations like I found myself in. Really it doesn't matter if she sleeps with randoms months down the

track but my ex slept with a guy a few days after she broke up with me because she was "really upset and drunk".

Yes, I know what you are all thinking, technically we were not together and were single but it doesn't change how you feel.

I constantly remind myself that she wasn't the one because if she was, she wouldn't have left and slept with him, but I

can't but help but feel hurt, angry and sad. It does literally hurt! It hurts even more because I was fighting for her for

a while, reminding her of all the beautiful things we did together etc. trying to win her back and for her to tell me that

after a few weeks. It was like rubbing salt into my torn heart. And again, for her to put me down even more, unintentionally,

she called me during the first month or so before I found out to see how I was, to tell me that she missed me and my voice,

that I was the best thing to happen to her and that she still loved me. YES, that's right, that she still loved me.

 

Sometimes I do question NC. I believe sometimes you need to contact them to try and win them back because if you don't,

they could go and do something that they will really regret like mine did.

People can be fickle creatures. While im still torn up about my ex, if i was drunk enough and someone tried to take advantage of me by abusing my emotions or something of the sort, i would probably cave in. It might just be me, it might even go against what i said earlier, but i think i would be less hurt if i found out my ex had a random one night stand with someone while she was unstable than finding out she was attempting a serious relationship with someone and telling them how shes madly in love only after a few days, or even weeks. Rebounds are never easy to deal with, and i think im about to deal with my ex going through one right now, or very soon. My only hope on getting through it is by staying optimistic. If i dont respect her decisions then it just goes to show her that i never really cared about her in the first place, only cared about myself.

[Gt.ooh]

Yes, Cap...I'm on thin ice in the aspect of her getting restless and being alone now, and I know she's gone out a few times..but have no idea the outcomes.. Guess just have to see what happens..

[Capthxc]

Thats all we can do my friend. Just sit back and wait. I cant even begin to count how many times ive wanted to ask her if there is someone else. But

1. I know she wont give me a straight answer because she obviously cares enough to not hurt me, or else she would be rubbing it in my face.

2.I'm afraid of the outcome. I mean, i have my suspicions and assumptions that -something- is going on with someone else, but since its LDR right now its all in my head. I just have to stick to the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing and hope it works out for the best.

[Gt.ooh]

Indeed. Day by day, night by night. As I've said on couple other posts I'm doing ok. Actually getting better at thinking if there is someone else. I can't do S*&^, so it's out of my control. But I kind of feel good that if there was someone else they have to feel guilty sleeping on all the furniture I bought. And that gives me a small piece of mind. I work with an awesome knowledgeable guy, and he gives me advice as he's been there done that...It helps, a lot. Hope your getting support from a good source other than LS.

 

I'm also gettin coached by the ex's mom. She was shocked that we ended...and has made me feel really good about myself. Sry that it's not the same on your end.

[Capthxc]

Yeah, ive been talking with a friend who i used to be best friends with when we were in high school, then we had a falling out. Nearly 10 years later i get a hold of him on facebook and we have been hanging out every day ever since. He was a co-dependent person. He told me that until recently, the longest he has gone without a relationship was 3 months. He told me that the woman he had his kid with, the woman he still loves and dated for 6 years, was the same girl that broke up with him in high school, and then after a year they hooked back up. And the funny thing is, as soon as we started talking again, another ex of his from 10 years ago contacted him, and while shes married now, she tells him she still cant stop thinking about him. It's crazy stuff. My brother and him both have helped me tremendously. He even told me how to react when i got the texts from her the other day. If it wasnt for him i probably would have jumped head first into my emotions and bled my heart to her through texts.

[really-broken]

I didn't read all the replies to this post but I will give my experience with this.

 

My ex slept with someone new only a few weeks after, and then others after that and it made me completely miserable. I haven't slept with anyone new yet. I feel like if we were to get back together at some point, I would find a way to accept the facts and be happy with her, but also I don't know how it would be in that exact situation.

 

I haven't yet realized that it isn't what it's cracked up to be, and it causes me significant pain and misery ;(

 

I shall now read all the other replies.

[Gt.ooh]

I feel for you really broken. I think the name says it all. That would be devastating to say the least. Both Cap and I are dealing with our first loves. We both put a lot into the relationships, and both got the same result... All we can do now is sit and wait...but not totally sit. Have to keep moving forsure. The moment u stop the moment all the feelings and anxiety come back. I'd say in your case, it's like a bandaid being ripped off fast..the pain is immense initially (when ur a kid lol, not so much now..but best comparison in my mind)... She's ripped your band-aid off and the pain should disappear much faster. That's as much closure as you can get. I know I'm being a little harsh, but it's the truth. Move on, faster, stronger, and come out the better man. NC and never look back.

 

Now as for cap and I.. we have no confirmation on our ex's. We've been NC for a bit, and no idea what's happening in their lives. The moment I found out something like that, this whole thing for me would be on the back burner so fast...

 

Take it easy, we all feel for you.