Torredor Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 A friend of mine wanted to introduce me to an acquaintance of hers for a year now but never got to actually doing so. I'm a teacher and our senior farewell came up and I thought this is an excellent opportunity to contact this girl myself, as now I actually have excuse to make contact and ask her if she wouldn't mind being my date for the evening. I've never been this upfront in my live. Anyway we texted a few time and arranged to meet at her house for coffee one morning, so I drove through to meet her and we had a pleasant chat lasting about an hour and a half. We went to the farewell and it was an excellent evening. We were some of the last to leave and I really enjoyed her company. She mostly spoke about her studies but I thoroughly enjoyed it and there was practically now silent moment. She lives about a 100 miles away and with the price of gas it's difficult to travel such a distance frequently on a teacher's salary. On our first meeting she said that she doesn't like texting or calling, she prefers face-to-face conversations. My question is now. How do I become better friends with this girl and maybe pursue a relationship with her?
lizzibeth Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Since you're just starting out, I don't think frequent 100 mile trips are in order. I don't think it's unreasonable to go up there and see her every couple of weeks. In the meantime there is skype, which is as face to face as you can get without being in the same room. I would continue to text her and call her as you have and see where it goes. I hope it goes well
Author Torredor Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 I'll check if she has Skype but I've got a feeling that she won't. She once said that all she really uses her computer for, is doing assignments for university.
Author Torredor Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 I'll check if she has Skype but I've got a feeling that she won't. She once said that all she really uses her computer for, is doing assignments for university. I really don't mind driving through every few weeks if I know our friendship warrants it. Where I get stuck is, how do I, not make a nuisance of myself while yet getting to know her better through the methods she doesn't like i.e. texting or calling.
LittleTiger Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 I'm just curious and I certainly don't want to throw a spanner in the works of a newly budding relationship, but did you get some indication from this girl that she is interested in pursuing a friendship with you? If she really doesn't want to communicate by phone/text/skype then, even if she really likes you, you're both going to struggle to keep a relationship going with this kind of restriction.
Author Torredor Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 (edited) I'm just curious and I certainly don't want to throw a spanner in the works of a newly budding relationship, but did you get some indication from this girl that she is interested in pursuing a friendship with you? If she really doesn't want to communicate by phone/text/skype then, even if she really likes you, you're both going to struggle to keep a relationship going with this kind of restriction. What would an indication look like? I'm not the most fluent in social gestures. Any how when I asked her to be my date, I told her I didn't want to just use her because I needed a date but that I saw it as an opportunity to actually meet her, to which she replied that she will be my date. This could be seen as someone interested in becoming friends. Edited October 12, 2010 by Torredor
LittleTiger Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 What would an indication look like? I'm not the most fluent in social gestures. Any how when I asked her to be my date, I told her I didn't want to just use her because I needed a date but that I saw it as an opportunity to actually meet her, to which she replied that she will be my date. This could be seen as someone interested in becoming friends. I see this as someone who was interesting in meeting you but what about how she behaved during your meeting? What I meant was did she give you any indication that she wanted to pursue the friendship when you were actually on your date? Did she smile at you a lot, laugh at your jokes, seem interested to hear all about you and maybe even touch you occasionally (eg on the arm or shoulder)? Do you think you got along well? Do you think she likes you as a person? Was there any hint of a physical attraction on her side? If you're happy to keep it 'friendly' for a while, there's no harm in texting her from time to time and suggesting an occasional meeting. See what develops from that. I wouldn't push for too much else to begin with though. It may be that she used the 'I don't like texting/phoning' line as a way of saying she wasn't interested in pursuing a LDR. For me 100 miles is really nothing if you find someone special (my SO is 12,000 miles away) but some people won't even attempt a relationship if the other person doesn't live near enough to drop in unnanounced for a late night 'coffee'. Your best bet is probably a light, friendly text saying how much you enjoyed meeting her and you would love to do it again sometime. See what sort of response you get and take it from there.
folieadeux Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 I'm just curious and I certainly don't want to throw a spanner in the works of a newly budding relationship, but did you get some indication from this girl that she is interested in pursuing a friendship with you? If she really doesn't want to communicate by phone/text/skype then, even if she really likes you, you're both going to struggle to keep a relationship going with this kind of restriction. I totally agree. For me, it would be hard to keep in touch with even friends and family who live relatively close without phone calls/texts.
Author Torredor Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 I totally agree. For me, it would be hard to keep in touch with even friends and family who live relatively close without phone calls/texts. Come to think of it, she did smile a lot and did have the occasional giggle. She once told me, and I got a similar remark from her father, that she is a very direct person. She calls a spade, a spade and at the end of the night she said she was a little nervous to be in a room full of strangers to start with but enjoyed the evening after all was said and done. Before the event we strolled around the grounds as both of us have never been to the venue. When it finally started we were seated with other teachers so things nervously started out a little quiet but after awhile she also started sharing in the conversation. She asked if the teachers will be dancing somewhere through the evening. Once our table’s teachers left and all the way back to her home, we mostly spoke about what she is studying as it is an incredibly wide field.
LittleTiger Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Come to think of it, she did smile a lot and did have the occasional giggle. Well she obviously doesn't 'dislike' you and it sounds like you had a pleasant evening. Give that friendly text a try, or phone if you prefer, and see what happens. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Author Torredor Posted October 15, 2010 Author Posted October 15, 2010 Give that friendly text a try, or phone if you prefer, and see what happens. Any advice on what such a text should look like?
LittleTiger Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 Any advice on what such a text should look like? How about something along the lines of: Hi **** Really enjoyed meeting you. You're great fun to be with. Would you like to meet up again sometime? OR Hi **** Great meeting you the other week. I really had fun. Be good to see you again. Give me a call if you're free sometime. OR Hi **** Was great to meet you. Fancy doing it again sometime? I'm happy to travel.
Author Torredor Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Is this something you would like to hear from someone you've been on a date with and haven't heard from in nearly a week?
LittleTiger Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Is this something you would like to hear from someone you've been on a date with and haven't heard from in nearly a week? Well that really depends on how much I liked the person I'd been on the date with. If she has romantic feelings for you, she may have been hoping you'd get in touch and will be over the moon to hear from you. If she just likes you as a friend, she'll be very pleased you've taken the time to make contact. If she doesn't like you (even as a friend) she'll probably just ignore the text and then you'll know where you stand. I really think you're over-worrying about this. Just send her a text. You've got nothing to lose.
Author Torredor Posted October 18, 2010 Author Posted October 18, 2010 Which opening to a, quick-just-to-say-hi, text is better? "Hi, I suddenly thought of you. Hope all's well ..." or "Hi, our exams starts in a week, when do your's start? ..."
Author Torredor Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Alright ... I texted her, telling her I really enjoyed our few encounters and if she perhaps had Skype or something similar so that we can make contact more often. It also so happened that a fellow teacher wanted to get rid of two tickets to a music festival in town this weekend so I asked if she was interested. She replied that her exams are starting and that it's a little busy but that she'll be back at her parents house at the end of November. Her parents only live about 50 miles from me. She didn't reply to the Skype question though.
LittleTiger Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 If you're asking 'what next?', I'd text her again saying you hope to see her when she has more free time. Invite her to give you a ring or text when she's back at her parents at the end of November. Then leave the ball in her court. If she wants to stay in touch, you'll have heard by December. If she doesn't contact you then I'd say she's not interested. Fingers crossed!
Author Torredor Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 If you're asking 'what next?', I'd text her again saying you hope to see her when she has more free time. Invite her to give you a ring or text when she's back at her parents at the end of November. Then leave the ball in her court. I understand the reasoning and logic behind this but do you mean send a few texts i.e. maybe once a week hear how she is and how her exams are going and then ... say a week before, she said she'll be back with her parents, text her saying I'd like to see her again if she has the time and take her out for a round of golf, as that's all that's available in her home town. It truly is beyond tiny for instance it only has one tarred road and no coffee shops ... or do I text I'd like to see her now and wait and see what happens. Because if that is what you meant, the curiosity alone will probably kill me having to wait until then.
LittleTiger Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I mean send one text now and then leave her be. She said she's busy until the end of November. Unless you want to seem really pushy you have no choice but to wait until she contacts you. It may be tough but that's just how it is.
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