durkadurka Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Not too much to say here, other than slowly but surely I can feel myself moving on. Part of me is still clinging to memories of the past but I've come to acknowledge the fact that our relationship was unhealthy. I always thought that time and space would give us an opportunity and the space necessary to grow up, and at least recognize the major role we played in each others lives. Instead, I'm here standing over the remains of my tattered soul and the corpse of our relationship, knowing that I fought so hard to make her happy. I can hear my brother listening to Band of Brothers on DVD, and it almost makes me want to cry. Our first vacation together, we went to a winter resort and spent our nights watching it together. Watching the hockey season start without my favorite hockey buddy almost seems like a crime. She put me in some awful positions, and has continued to do so after breaking up. The last straw was when she called me last week and texted me saying that she had some stuff to tell me, I told her to call me later this week, and she never did. I don't know what motivates people to douse others in gasoline and flick a match at them, but I know that despite my flaws I could never do that to another human being. To watch someone that I lived with, cared about, and fought for do this to me is a terrible thing to have to realize. To take her back or talk to her now would be to accept being disrespected by someone else, and to have no self respect. I hate you Anna for making me have to choose between the two, and to throw away our 2.5 year relationship without even talking about it.
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