BeatrixKiddo Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Ok, well the ex asked for us to start dating again. He's been showing it through actions, too, not just through words. This only started several days ago, when I spent time with him for the first time since he broke up with me two months ago after a year-long relationship. I honestly feel I am over the pain of the break up. I hold no grudges, no resentment. I feel I've been making good, positive changes about myself, but I hold no illusions that permanent changes take much longer than two months to take hold. I definitely want to take things slow and to go into a "new" relationship with him, so to speak. I've read on relationship forums that you have to start things in a new fashion, letting go of the old. I want things to be simple and uncomplicated for now, feel things out. My question is, how do you go about that? What entails taking things slow and starting anew, rather than jumping back into the old relationship? I've been taking my time thinking these things out, I haven't given him a solid answer yet if I want to give this another go, but I would like to do so while proceeding with caution.
Jane Doe Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Well, for one, don't see each other every day. Don't send (or answer) multiple texts a day. Keep up your normal routines (job, working out, time with friends, etc.) and don't alter your life and habits just because he's back. Let him pursue you; don't be easy prey. Why did you two break up to begin with? Have those issues been truly resolved?
Author BeatrixKiddo Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) Why did you two break up to begin with? Have those issues been truly resolved? He needed alone time and wanted to be single again (which is not to say he wanted to pursue other women. I don't want to go into details about it, but trust me on this fact). He's the kind of fellow who needs a lot of "me time". I have to admit that I was clingy and insecure the duration of our relationship, which caused him to feel smothered, as well. I have been in the process of making changes in my behavior and resolving my issues. When we were together, I "needed" to see him every other day. Now I'd actually be fine not even seeing him for three, or even four, days, I have my own hobbies and interests as well now. The only snag about him wanting to get back together, is he gave a disclaimer that although he wants to start dating again, at this present time he isn't certain that he won't feel that need to be alone and single again sometime soon. This is when I suggested that if we were to date again, we could take things slow. He also says he wants someone who can handle who he is and he wants to be himself without feeling he has to be fake and "nice" all the time just to accommodate his partner, to compromise who he is for it (basically, compatibility). Edited October 10, 2010 by BeatrixKiddo
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