Signs?

[stoploss11]

How can you tell if one is happy at home with there SO? Or if they are just playing nice as to not stir up any more drama?

 

My situation is ugly and takes weird turns constantly. She still lives at home with the babys father. I heard her on multiple occasions before we got together when people asked about them getting married and what not after she had the baby and she responded"never" "not gonna happen, rather raise her on my own".

 

When we got together she was working on how to exit the relationship, but has fears because he is abusive, and verbally degrading. also doesnt wanna miss time w her baby.

 

her mother abandoned her a few months ago when she was suppose to move and help her w the baby, she shut off but then came slowly back. Then 7 weeks ago somehting happened again and she shut off. shes been mostly a walking zombie at work and we've only had a few encounters, but she responded the 2 times i was pissed/jealous sounding.

 

2 weeks ago was our last talk.

 

She has a abusive youth from a step dad, and abusive guy now. How do i know if she is trying to make it work w him or if she is playing nice at home so he isnt as abusive?

 

Will i know (not when i should know, because i already do) but will i know when she doesnt have feelings for me. If that is the case?

[whichwayisup]

Only she and her live in boyfriend know. You can't and you shouldn't listen to others who know them since they aren't privvy to what goes on behind closed doors.

 

This girl has problems, deep ones. She was abused in the past by a person whom was to be trusted, her stepfather and now she's involved with a guy who is abusive. Not a healthy place for her, and most of all, not a healthy situation for YOU to be in. She is messed up and isn't thinking wisely or clearly.

 

If this guy finds out about you, he's going to come after you, or worse, beat her up. Do you see how her cheating on him is not going to help in the long run? She has an unreliable mom, a baby to look after and she's having a rough time.

 

Don't be the knight and try to save her. Helping her is getting her into therapy so she can work things out and get strong to leave this guy. So she can love herself again and gain self confidence. If you stay the OM, she'll do nothing except keep the affair going because you make it easy for her to stay. Hope that makes sense to you.

[2themoon&back]

How can you tell if one is happy at home with there SO? Or if they are just playing nice as to not stir up any more drama?

 

My situation is ugly and takes weird turns constantly. She still lives at home with the babys father. I heard her on multiple occasions before we got together when people asked about them getting married and what not after she had the baby and she responded"never" "not gonna happen, rather raise her on my own".

 

When we got together she was working on how to exit the relationship, but has fears because he is abusive, and verbally degrading. also doesnt wanna miss time w her baby.

 

her mother abandoned her a few months ago when she was suppose to move and help her w the baby, she shut off but then came slowly back. Then 7 weeks ago somehting happened again and she shut off. shes been mostly a walking zombie at work and we've only had a few encounters, but she responded the 2 times i was pissed/jealous sounding.

2 weeks ago was our last talk.

 

She has a abusive youth from a step dad, and abusive guy now. How do i know if she is trying to make it work w him or if she is playing nice at home so he isnt as abusive?

 

Will i know (not when i should know, because i already do) but will i know when she doesnt have feelings for me. If that is the case?

 

 

 

 

what a messed up situation you have here... very confusing i am sure for you ... but what concerns me is the part in bold... do not become her next abuser, not that you would want to, but it sounds like that is what she thinks she deserves at this point in her life and may do things to make you react like an abuser.

 

if abuse is all she has ever known she will need therapy to see she can choose differently and stop being co dependent...this takes time and a lot of self work and i mean a lot.

 

as for you ---all you can do is stand (as long as you are willing to) on the sidelines and be there for support only... nothing more because as whichwayisup said if you continue to have an A with her, she will stay in a bad situation that much longer because she has you to look forward to without having to really change her life and this has no good ending.

 

i know it is hard not to want to fix all this for her, but you can not want it more than she does... good luck!!

[stoploss11]

Thank you both. I really need help with all this.

 

The bold part about me getting pissed, wasnt mean or angry. The 2 occurrences I spoke of where of her speaking to another guy at work who has been chasing after her for 3 yrs. Hes made his attempts, but as far as I know nothing ever happened in the 3 yrs they worked together. After her saying she doesnt want to talk to anyone, she just needs to go to work and do her job and go home. And I see her talking to people at work because it work stuff and theyre work people they dont ask how her life is going.

 

I dealt w it best I could but seeing him talk to her all the time and walk her to the back door out and talk every night hurt when i wasnt able to talk to her at all.

 

So my 2 occurrences, 1 I shook my head because i was confused and lost, 2. I texted her that stings when i saw her walking in from lunch with him. I know childish on my part but it still hurt.

 

She texted immediately back both times.

 

Before the first ordeal w th emother, she went out of her way including w her daughter to make the effort to be w me and make plans to go to the next level w me. Her mother moving here was a big part of that to her. she even ha it planned for me to meet the mom before she bailed on coming to town.

 

Then she opened back up after 5 weeks and started letting her self be happy and open again. Then the 2nd time she shut off, im not sure of all the reasons but i know it just hurts to see her suffer. This is seriously awful.