yoga18 Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I need advice on how to treat the so called other woman. I was with my husband for 7 years. We were married for 4 of the 7. I never saw our marriage ending I came home from my long annual girls weekend and he was done with me. He stopped me from getting our phone bills (actually put a password on the account) password on the phone. Staying out all night, being mean etc. So I left and learned that he moved HER in the day after I moved out. I was hurt and humiliated. I still had a year and a half left of school. Conveniently I got his butt through school then he left. He wasn't man enough to say he was having an affair but I'm not dumb. I eventually moved on but it was hard he rubbed her in my face in subtle ways. He would call me and ask where she could find nice clothes in a size 0, yea he likes them skinny. He knew I was a 2/4 not much of a difference I know but to him it was something to hold onto. He even had the nerve to mention that she was 26 days younger than me as if that really mattered. So in the split we lost/gained/and even split friends. One friend we kept mutually is having a baby (very excited for her) the shower is in February) I talked with the mom to be and she mentioned that she felt obligated to invite the other woman. I said it was fine. I've moved on, graduated, working on my masters yea meee! Lol here's the issue how do I treat her? Its going to be a smaller more intimate shower and the people that I will know at the party are the very people she will know. I spent years blaming her and then I realized it was my ex he was the one to blame, not her. In fact I believe he lied to her about our relationship to get her to be with him. She actually sound like a nice girl. The mutual friends that she and I now share have actually told me that she secretly wishes she could meet me bc she doesn't believe him anymore and feels like he has lied about our relationship. I'm not willing to start problems. What do I do? Do I walk up to her laugh up the awkwardness of it all and let her know I'm cool and super happy? Do I ignore her? Do I let it up to her? I have no idea what's the right thing to do. My thoughts are to say "hi" and have fun but is that weird. I guess I've just had 5 years to move on. Again for me I realize she wasn't responsible for my marriage my husband should have been the one to stop things from happening. They married but I hear they are not really happy our mutual friends even have bets on how long till he leaves her sad I know. Unfortunately, they know him all too well
Author yoga18 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 Ok not one person replied I need some answers. Should throw the cake in her face I mean come onnnn! This is a sucky situation one that I can't bail out of. I know for a fact that she gained some wait and the ******* (talking ex husband) got her a personal trainer cause he said she can't go there fatter than me. He's coming at the end to help the father to be collect all the gifts I know him all too well its about seeing if I look better or worse than her. I just wanna know how should I interact or not interact with this woman
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 No, be polite and nice, chatty with her at the shower. Do not discuss anything while at this function. Tell her if she would like, maybe afterwards or sometime soon to get together, have coffee and talk. Make sure she knows that it's a friendly thing to get to know eachother abit since you both have mutual friends and your paths are going to cross on occasion.
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 I guess I've just had 5 years to move on. Again for me I realize she wasn't responsible for my marriage my husband should have been the one to stop things from happening Tell her this. That you forgive her and hopefully you two can be comfortable next time you are at the same function.
Fieldsofgold Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 No, be polite and nice, chatty with her at the shower. Do not discuss anything while at this function. Tell her if she would like, maybe afterwards or sometime soon to get together, have coffee and talk. Make sure she knows that it's a friendly thing to get to know eachother abit since you both have mutual friends and your paths are going to cross on occasion. I agree with WWIU. Be nice, be polite. Good manners and class trump dress size any day. I cannot believe your xH is so shallow! The bigger question is, how are you going to act toward him?
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 I agree with WWIU. Be nice, be polite. Good manners and class trump dress size any day. I cannot believe your xH is so shallow! The bigger question is, how are you going to act toward him? She should say hello and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Edit to add: Only say hi to him if he says hi. That's it.
Author yoga18 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 He was a little crazy but after the separation I did put on weight yea ice cream became my love but what butt head doesn't know is that I've been working out for the last year I'm back in my size 2 and trust me that alone will kill him. Foe me idk I'm so happy I have really (being honest) wanted to thank him for setting me free to really be happy. I would have never walked out of our marriage no matter what I took my vows seriously but him cheating and leaving, I feel a handshake and a thank you for leaving because I got my life back would suffice
Circular Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Well, my opinion is that the higher ground always wins the match. Go, act unaffected, like they're strangers say 'hi' and move on. Don't avoid discussion but seem like there's nothing, mingle and talk with other people. I guarantee that your exH is being an azz because he still has pent up frustration. Whey else would he tell her that? He wants to even the table and show that he's 'better off' also. If you react or do anything he'll feel for whatever stupid reason that somehow he's one-upped you.
bittermelon Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 my first thought to this was, screw her, she probably wants to know more about me as most girls are probably curious about their man's previous relationships, how they look, what was she like,etc. just act indifferent to her like you don't give a care about whether or not she's there. But, seeing that you have moved on, and realized that your ex was the one to blame for the lies, and not her, then I would agree with the other posters to just say hi and keep it neutral. You do need to show that you are the bigger person and that you have moved on. Understand that under the circumstances of how she hooked up with your ex, this party is probably a lot more stressful for her. Who knows, maybe they are having issues because the same thing he did to you he's probably doing to her too. i would say a friendly "hi", if there are games at the shower, use that as an opportunity to talk to her in a neutral zone, but would not discuss any details about her relationship because it really isn't your problem now, is it? as far as extending that greeting and asking her to go to coffee? don't think that's territory you want to be stepping into. do you really want to become friends with the person that your husband left you for? as for your ex, hold your head up high, smile, act confident and show that you don't give a care for his existence. I wouldn't waste my breath on him though. you already gave enough to this douchebag. don't waste another second on him, even if it's to "chat".
Author yoga18 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 Thank you so much for giving me advice. I needed it. I'm happy very very happy and I built that not him. I can go there confident and happy bc I am. Trust me this girl is getting the same raw deal I did. I feel bad. I really believe she had no idea that we were still together. I will post in february how it all turns out thank u all so much
Fieldsofgold Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Just wanted to say I hope it all goes smooth and pleasant for you.
TurboGirl Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Well, my opinion is that the higher ground always wins the match. Go, act unaffected, like they're strangers say 'hi' and move on. Don't avoid discussion but seem like there's nothing, mingle and talk with other people. I guarantee that your exH is being an azz because he still has pent up frustration. Whey else would he tell her that? He wants to even the table and show that he's 'better off' also. If you react or do anything he'll feel for whatever stupid reason that somehow he's one-upped you. Exactly my thought! You so much better off now withouth him, no need to even address them personally. If they say hello, say hello back & move on. Don't talk about the past: That is what it is, THE PAST. You are all about today and your great future! If either one of them say something to you about The Past, you can say, well that is the Past and I don't dwell on the past... why bother talking about it? and just walk away & talk with others.
bentnotbroken Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 I would like to advise you to really move on by looking at them the way they really are.... a speck of dust. Smile, be self confident and forget they still breath oxygen.
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