Am i being impatient? My LDR seems to be lasting forever!

[Treetopbaby]

Ok so i have been in my LDR for 9months, we met whilst working abroad so have been going long distance for 6months. It takes 3/4hours to see him driving or by train and made a deal to see eachother every 2weeks.

We're completly in love and hate being without eachother. Ive Recently started a new job with potential to get my dream job in the future.

 

He has money still at the moment from his previous job and is looking for a new full time job. We talked about where he could look for a job and he insist he has no choice and will have to go wherever he can get but its a standard office job he wants and is looking only at his home town and in london. We would be working opposite days and would never get to see each other if he got one yet he still wont look at jobs i have suggested near me.

I understand he doesnt want to leave his parents but hes 25 and still living at home. All of his friends have been to university and got jobs in different places so he has no friends there except when they come back and he hardly ever goes out to meet new people.

All my friends live by me and arent going anywhere and i live in a decent town like him. My parents and whole family are here.

He said as soon as he got a job he would get somewhere to rent and i could move in with him and I told him i would go wherever he wanted me to but Im not keen on leaving everything behind here especially as ive just got a job here with great training opportunities for my dream job. Its not something i want to give up and i just want him to want to move down here.

 

Am i being unreasonable by wanting him to leave his parents n town for me? I know he has no roots here but he doesnt have many at home.

 

I really like him but i dont think i can give up on the life i have JUST made for myself. Am i being selfish or should he apply and at least try to get a job which would suit me??

 

Help me pleaseee

[VeveCakes]

Neither of you are willing to lose anything in order to be with eachother, unless something changes this relationship is doomed.

 

To be in a LDR, you have to really REALLY want to be together, that means making sacrifices.

 

Somethings gotta give.

[Treetopbaby]

I know but it just seems to me that he has so much less to sarcifice. Is that just me looking at it from only my point of view??

I already have a job here and he cant find one at home so he has started looking miles away from his home but not any closer to mine?

Does he just want for us both to have to leave everything or does he just not want to come to me??

[HeavenOrHell]

My first thought was how lucky you are to see each other every 2 weeks, I live in a different country to my partner as do many members here, I see him every 6-8 weeks, some couples go months without seeing each other, what I'm saying is you are so lucky in some respects and bear in mind things could be far worse

Also bear in mind 9 months is early days, I wouldn't be in a rush to move in just yet, me and my partner won't be living closer together for 2 years yet, been together 6 months. As it is most likely my partner who will be moving country to be nearer to me I am not going to push him or pressure him. He is not happy with his life and wouldn't be leaving much behind, he knows I have a life and lots of friends where I live, I live in a very small country town and he's happier in big towns, so he will probably compromise and move to this country hopefully but not to my town, we would live between both of our places.

So, for me, it might not be possible to live full time with my partner, but to be able to see him every 2 weeks would be wonderful and much better than what we have now. I would not want to live with him even part time for a least a year yet, it takes longer to get to know someone in an LDR and even in a local relationship I would wait a year at least before moving in, like I did with my ex. I feel like I don't expect him to be the one to move, but hope he does, if neither of us will move then we're not going to work out long term.

Try and understand where he's coming from, think how you would feel if he wanted you to move to where he is, it is a huge step.

 

Ok so i have been in my LDR for 9months, we met whilst working abroad so have been going long distance for 6months. It takes 3/4hours to see him driving or by train and made a deal to see eachother every 2weeks.

We're completly in love and hate being without eachother. Ive Recently started a new job with potential to get my dream job in the future.

 

He has money still at the moment from his previous job and is looking for a new full time job. We talked about where he could look for a job and he insist he has no choice and will have to go wherever he can get but its a standard office job he wants and is looking only at his home town and in london. We would be working opposite days and would never get to see each other if he got one yet he still wont look at jobs i have suggested near me.

I understand he doesnt want to leave his parents but hes 25 and still living at home. All of his friends have been to university and got jobs in different places so he has no friends there except when they come back and he hardly ever goes out to meet new people.

All my friends live by me and arent going anywhere and i live in a decent town like him. My parents and whole family are here.

He said as soon as he got a job he would get somewhere to rent and i could move in with him and I told him i would go wherever he wanted me to but Im not keen on leaving everything behind here especially as ive just got a job here with great training opportunities for my dream job. Its not something i want to give up and i just want him to want to move down here.

 

Am i being unreasonable by wanting him to leave his parents n town for me? I know he has no roots here but he doesnt have many at home.

 

I really like him but i dont think i can give up on the life i have JUST made for myself. Am i being selfish or should he apply and at least try to get a job which would suit me??

 

Help me pleaseee

[Treetopbaby]

We lived together for 8 months before we properly got together when we were workin together and that worked out great so i really think we will hae no problems living together and also when we see each other we end up staying at each others houses for weeks and never really leave ech other alone and cant get away from it. I know him better than anyone n talk like a million times a day.

im still just moving too fast arent i??

[HeavenOrHell]

He might find it just as hard to move away as you would. Some LDR's won't work for this reason, maybe mine won't, I don't know, I don't want to rush into anything just yet anyway, even though I miss him badly at times.

9 months isn't long, maybe he wants to be more sure of things first, which is wise.

He has to move cos he wants to and not cos you're pushing him into it, or wanting him to move too soon.

 

 

I know but it just seems to me that he has so much less to sarcifice. Is that just me looking at it from only my point of view??

I already have a job here and he cant find one at home so he has started looking miles away from his home but not any closer to mine?

Does he just want for us both to have to leave everything or does he just not want to come to me??

[HeavenOrHell]

Wel it's good you've shared a home before even if you weren't partners, so you know each better than I thought.

Just make sure you're still seeing your friends and living your life and don't drop everything for one person, he can still be your priority but just make sure you have a life outside of him too

Still moving too fast in my opinion

I think it would be good if you two could really sit and talk it through, with no pressuring him, just see how the land lies and how he feels about it.

 

 

We lived together for 8 months before we properly got together when we were workin together and that worked out great so i really think we will hae no problems living together and also when we see each other we end up staying at each others houses for weeks and never really leave ech other alone and cant get away from it. I know him better than anyone n talk like a million times a day.

im still just moving too fast arent i??