rose45 Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 my ex and i have been talking on and off for a year..he knows i want to get back and i think eventually we might actually see each other..i called about 3 weeks ago or so and asked if he wanted to talk more often and maybe get together soon and he said he had no problem with that..i even joked saying he could take time if he needs to think about it and he just said you are funny almost like i am being silly for asking that....he called me on a Saturday night about two weeks ago..i was surprised but decided to call back and we spoke for awhile. We have had a few conversations since then. It took him 10 days to call after i orginally asked him and then i waited about a week and called. and then i decided to call a few days later with the intention of asking about meeting within 2 weeks or so..i figured why not since our conversations were going well. He has ALOT of pride and kind of stubborn so i think it would be on me to ask. He seemed closed off this year as well; i think he didn't want to go through a bad break up again but now seems a little tiny bit different. Maybe time was just needed. So i called early in the evening last thursday. He had to call back because he was driving. He called back about an hour or more later which is fine and we spoke. The convo seemed to be going really well. Dvd's were mentioned and he said i could borrow them. He joked about me teaching me this and that but would charge me and then even joked how the apartment could use a cleaning. And i mentioned it is getting cold out and he said i could wear this funny hat of his..and i knew the one he was referring to so i just said ok i will wear it. It seemed like he was hinting and kind of showing signs of interest and wanting me in some way back in his life. I was going to ask when getting off the phone about meeting but then suddenly he said he has a call coming through and would call back..no call back..and it has been a week. I don't think it was an emergency with that call. A friend of mine said i shouldn't be so mad because the conversation went well and maybe it just got late and now he figures he will follow the same pattern and same amount of days waiting to call. Maybe he just didn't think it was such a big deal and doesn't think i am sitting here wondering about it the way that i am. But i can't help but feel anxious if it was a girl, is he disappearing on me, is he going to blow me off...i want to call to find out what is going on and to finally just ask my question about meeting within 2 weeks but know i should definitely wait... I was also thinking that maybe with him saying all of this and me not mentioning meeting--maybe that is why he is taking long to call? but he knows i want to see him and be with him again...
Trovador Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Maybe he just didn't think it was such a big deal and doesn't think i am sitting here wondering about it the way that i am. I think you nailed it...I am a male and I like when women are proactive, the indecisive typebores me, so if I were him I wouldn't mind if you'd call, either to ask about my silence (that I gladly would explain) or to propose a meeting (that I might or not agree to)... but even if he accept, don't take it as a sure signal that he wants to get back into the relationship...You seem a nice woman, why does he appear so reluctant to come back?
Author rose45 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 well the thing is; it is more than his turn to call..i called the past 2 times..the only reason i called last time because i figured why not and had a reason..i wanted to ask about meeting and being more specific. I didn't get to do that. When i called one of the first things he said was how he was actually planning on calling me later..so i guess i kind of beat him to it if he was really planning on it. That is why i am wondering what is going--am i overreacting and he is just sort of taking his time especially with the nice things he said in the last conversation. Knowing him he would have avoided all of what he said completely if he didn't in some way mean it. Him being reluctant probably had to do with my being jealous and insecure back then. I have worked on those problems i think in alot of ways and more independent i think. I think i did show him this year i have changed in a lot of ways. So what do i do--wait a few more days and then call? I know i wont be able to just walk away and wipe my hands if he never calls back because i don't get what happened... maybe he will call and i am just sort of being impatient? i can't help being nervous though; i guess because i still really care for him and know the second time around things would be so much better.
redmelon Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 so, you've been talking on and off for a year and haven't seen each other? that part is unclear... so, you talk randomly and you are trying to slowly get him to agree to meet with you in person? is that accurate?
Trovador Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Look, as my ex says: "It doesn't matter who calls who", and faithful to her word she is capable of calling 10 times without thinking "it's my turn to call", it's maybe for that that I found odd all this ritual about waiting and calling and waiting... when two people want to talk they do it right away, but you know him better, if he has been always like this, taking his time to answer, then you should wait some days for him to call you. Or you could call him and be direct, whatever he says it will be better than the anxiety of expecting a call... I don't intend to critizice you, but is this the way you want to live? Depending on the contact of a man to make you happy? Or am I inferring too much? Anyway, as I said, you seem a nice woman that somehow looks like is selling herself cheap... have you thought of him dating another lady? According to my experience, when a guy is interested in a woman he'll do everything to see her, while he might have doubts about getting back he should make clear where he stands... I know it is hurtful when someone lets you in stand by, that's why I swore I never would let that happen again. I sincerely hope all this you are living will be for the better. I also hope that guy realizes the wonderful girl you are and this time won't let you go.
Author rose45 Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 yes, we have been talking on and off for a year..i think he is the type that wouldn't decide on something like this very quickly..i am not naive either..i am sure he dated. When i asked a few weeks ago he just seemed a little more open and didn't hesitate at all and said he has no problem with that. I even joked saying are you gonna disappear now? and he said i am not gonna disappear almost kind of laughing at me. I know this isn't the best way to live trovador--you are absolutely right..i guess for now i just kind of want to stick it out because i do truly love him. I know he took 10 days to call that other time--so maybe give until 2 weeks are up? I really don't want to do that saying ok it is his turn to call..but i just hate being the one to call again and actually want him to do it so i can miss his call for once so i guess i shouldn't take his "i will call you back" to heart? a friend said she doesn't think he is blowing me off but i am really nervous he is...i hope he isn't. i figure once him and i are in person then the question of where we stand will be more appropriate.
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