Author heartbrokenem Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 thanks memphisman - now theres someone who gets this! i was starting to think i was being completely stupid or naieve not to believe what others were saying about him cheating. i dont know how many times i can explain that i have been here before with him. i can feel when he is straying. there was none of those feelings or instincts before this all happened. cheers for your support.
Dennis Beylotte Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Hi I am new to this site and would like to say hi to all who have a passion for more than the basic body.Most people men and women give up on there goals to have a pretty body,I am here to say dont give up on yourself or your love.I am 48 and my passion for the perfect body never dies just gets stronger,you can to if you want it bad enough,I can prove it check my vids out on you tube,put dennis beylotte in the search box and let me know how I can help you reach your goals.
willowthewisp Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 i really do not have the energy for this. what are you trying to acheive here? i am sorry if you feel attacked. i havent said anything to attack you. i dont know why you are taking this personally. its always hard to perceive tone in a typed message. i do not think that anything i have said is offensive though. it is offensive to me to have people cast aspersions on my relationship. i understand that people wish to share their own experiences, but i guess i will get a biased view here... people will project their own experiences onto others. maybe they see the same patterns or signs, but really, no one else knows your relationship like you do. i came here to vent. i came here to see if anyone else has gone through anything similar to my situation. i came here to see if anyone has sucessfully reconciled. quite clearly, you are offended by my postings. i think i will just continue to journal as a release and just come here to read advice rather than seeking it out. Please don't do that Heartbrokenem, I'm really sorry if I made you feel unwelcome in any way, that was not my intention. Like you said, perhaps I am misreading your tone, it seemed like you were attacking no matter what anyone said, but that isn't how you meant your words to come across. I understand that you think people here are projecting, but if you go back to my orginal post to you, you will see my X did not cheat on me. Actually you and I have a fair bit in common. So if you came here to see if anyone has been through similar you are in the right place. My X and I were together nearly 20 years, we met as teenagers as well and like you I was not aware that anything was wrong and that he was going to leave. I do understand the pain you are in. What I was trying to explain is that although it might seem like people are passing judgement on your relationship I can assure you that isn't what they intended, nor are they projecting. The reason behind suggesting infidelity is b/c a lot of people here are looking for the WHYS, why have they gone, what happened, what went wrong, was it me, did I do something, did I not do something, why have they left? Do you see, people are trying to be helpful to you. If you had posted a story giving facts which indicated that you two had been having problems, or of neglect or whatever, those would have been the suggestions put out there rather than infidelity b/c infidelity is not the only reason for a marriage break down. Like I said, if that isn't why you are here fair enough, we can be here to listen to you vent or whatever you need. No one meant to make you feel as though your relationship was being judged. I promise. Please keep posting, LS can be a huge support at this awful time.
hopesndreams Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Just a suggestion here---do a search on the 5 stages of grief. 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Has your H got back to you about when he will pick up his stuff? You're a giver and it shows. Doing his wash and whatever else for the last 8 years was it? You didn't even do the salsa dancing when you were with him because it would take time away from him. You lost yourself. It happens in most long term and marriage when there's a partner that does the giving and the other partner does the taking. You have a mature love for your H. Sadly, some people don't move on to the mature love and look for pastures new, for excitement or a way to relieve stress. This is not saying 100% he is cheating but it is saying he is looking for something which leads to someone new. Discovering an A does not make you the bad one here. No one makes anyone do anything! Remember that and don't beat yourself up and blame yourself for his choice in running away and not keeping his vows.
Beebie Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 ...No one meant to make you feel as though your relationship was being judged. I promise. Please keep posting, LS can be a huge support at this awful time. I'll echo that. We're all here hurting because of the breakup of our marriage/relationship. Whether cheating was involved or not, it doesn't take away the pain we are feeling but I honestly don't know of anyone who has come on LS to judge another person who is also hurting. Heartbrokenem, please don't stop posting. I am 12 months down the line from my break up and it still hurts. I can go days when I think I'm OK and then my world goes dark and I can spend days on end crying and lonely. I hadn't been active on LS for a long time until I read your post and I SO empathised with you. Although my situation is a bit different to yours, I could feel your raw emotions in your original post and it took me back to where I was 12 months ago. Maybe I'm not "healed" enough to give you some advice, but I do want you to know we understand your pain so keep posting here, please. We do care.
Author heartbrokenem Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 hi, im not asking for answers regarding why my relationship broke down from anyone else but H. He has explained his reasons. i understand them. I disagree with them, but i understand why he feels he needs our relationship to end. i have been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days. i dont know if these are real thoughts or feelings but i have been trying to detatch from the pain, to focus on the bad things about him. im thinking of the opportunities i will have now im not with him. im trying to build a life in my mind where he is not in it. trying to think of things i can do without him. from simple things to being able to go out straight from work whenever i want and not have to make sure its ok with him, that he can find an alternative way home from the train station. i can do what i want and not feel any guilt for not spending all my spare time with him. im trying to be positive about this change in my life. i dont know what kind of single person i will be, but im taking each day as it comes. i know im not over the worst of this yet... i feel strong today but i know i will feel awful when his stuff goes... then i will feel ok again and then something will happen where i need him for comfort and support and i will feel awful again. i need to adjust to my new life without him. im not dwelling on the past anymore. not bothered about the whys/what ifs/maybes. im trying to tell myself that i deserve to meet someone who will realise how special i am and to treat me like the most precious thing in his life. to meet someone who will never doubt their feelings for me or feel the need to seek validation outside of our relationship (his past flirtings with work colleagues/facebook). small steps... and a lot of time...
2.50 a gallon Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 heartbrokenem Understand that 99 per cent of the posters on this board have experienced a cheating spouse, so that is the first thing they suspect. Also, time after time, the early posts the BS insists that their partner is not cheating, only to find out later the truth. If you believe that he has not cheated, I believe you. I can see that there that there could be other reasons. Also, I did not feel that you were attacking me, I understand that you are newly in a space that you were not prepared to enter. You are lost and confused, looking for answers and nothing makes sense to you. Most of us have been there in the past. Also understand that the times they are a changing. As you, my parents never considered divorce. My parents were next door neighbors and married a week after my mom turned 18 and my father was a couple of years older. But let me take my family history back further. When looking over my family tree, there is not a single divorce that I can find amongst my forefathers, great uncles, great, great aunts, for at least 4 and 5 generations back. Each of my grandparents, had 4 kids, of which, one from each ended in a divorce. Divorce was so alien to my family, that when my dads brother, chose to D my aunt who married into the family and marry his OW, he was cut out of our family, while she was made more than welcome. My dad passed years ago, and I am guessing that my dad only visited his new home twice, and that was when, his parents could no longer drive and he drove them there. But my generation saw things totally change. My parents gave me the birds & bees talk when I was in high school, which translated, was keep it in your pants. Little did they realize that they were a couple of years too late. My, I am a generation behind, I have been in a relationship with my GF for 15 years, this was before the advent of internet dating sites. I am behind times.
Author heartbrokenem Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 arrrghhh!!! its getting on my nerves now! last week i didnt want it gone and now i want it out out out!!! i text him in the week to ask when he was coming to get it. he text me weds to ask if he could do it in 'stages' - couldnt get time off work and needed his dad to help him so would have to be the weekend. i was puzzled by this - stages?! why? what for? how many? so i asked him how many stages? told him he just needed his dad to bring him here put all his stuff in the car and off he goes. told him i needed it gone, it's hard having his stuff here. i also asked what we were going to do about the joint stuff. he said he knows - maybe 2 or 3 stages - what joint stuff do i mean? the bed, tv and dvd surround sound i can have... great... thats about £1000 right there. plus he said he was going to take responsibility for our joint loan that paid for the wedding - great, still about £10,000 left on that bad boy... but what about our laptop, digital camera, digital photo frame, house hold furniture etc... he didnt reply. hadnt heard from him since. have got in from being out and his stuff is still here! he knew i was out today (rehearsals with my band) so i expected him to come when i wasnt here, to avoid me - but no. he's ***** is still here and now im wound up! i just want this over with! get ur stuff and get out of my life! why is he prolonging it? why would he say it would take stages? it's just his clothes, dvds and cds... so - thats like, pack it up in the back of the car and off u go! so i have text him again to ask when he's going to come get his stuff... no reply. it's only been about half hour but usually he would text back pretty promptly - but nothing... i mean, i dont know what he's doing - maybe hes busy?! but ffs!!! u ended it - so surely u want to be out of my life asap - just get your stuff already!!! am now tempted to pack it all for him and leave it outside in the cold and rain! bet he'll get his ass in gear and get it if he knew that! but i dont want to do that for him! make it easy for him to just pick it up and go - i want him to have to pack it all up - split our stuff! see what this decision has done! arrrrghhhh!!!
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