Jambalaya Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 To ask your other half if you can look at the their phone? I suspect I've been made a mug of again.
unappreciated Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Hey I figured I would give some advice since I am hoping for replies to my own post, its only fair. To answer your question, I think it depends on your relationship. Asking to investigate their phone will naturally be offensive and could turn into a big issue. On the other hand, if you feel very strongly that it would be necessary to do so I would first ask them point blank and then ask to see the phone/records as proof. He/she should have no issues showing them to you if there is nothing to hide. Although he/she may be upset, I know I would want to do whatever I could to prove the accuser wrong and show that I am indeed faithful. Keep in mind if you are wrong, you are going to look pretty bad and feel pretty bad too. So make sure it is really to that point. You could always go undercover too haha. Whatever you decide just think of what the consequences will be. Hope this helps
Woman In Blue Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Jambalaya, if someone has something to hide, they're going to make sure their phone is 'clean' if they know you're looking at it. That includes deleting all call history (missed, answered, dialed) and deleting all incoming and outgoing texts, as well. It's also possible they'll put their 'special friend's' number under a dummy name - something innocuous such as "Aunt Joan" or "Susie from work." Those who have something to hide will go as far underground as possible to try to stay one step ahead. Sure, you can ask. Unless they hand over the phone right that minute, you can be sure they're going to do some serious damage control from that moment on.
cyberfriendxx Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 if someone has something to hide, they're going to make sure their phone is 'clean' if they know you're looking at it. That includes deleting all call history (missed, answered, dialed) and deleting all incoming and outgoing texts, as well. It's also possible they'll put their 'special friend's' number under a dummy name - something innocuous such as "Aunt Joan" or "Susie from work." Those who have something to hide will go as far underground as possible to try to stay one step ahead. ..and they still get caught. And it will serve them right I guess. If they have nothing to hide they won't mind you looking - but they may be a bit mad at you if they are truly innocent. It is an invasion of personal privacy whichever way you look at it.
Author Jambalaya Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 I have reason not to trust him. I know it sounds daft but my gut instincts are rarely wrong. About 5 months ago, my gut instinct told me to check his phone - something I've never done before. Turns out he'd been keeping secrets and lying to me for two months. We'd been working on our relationship and all was going swimmingly until this morning, when the gut instinct kicked in again. I snuck a look whilst he was in bed. A multitude of messages between him and a woman called Katya. The best ones were when he sent the same messages to her after sending them to me. After 4 hours since I asked him if I could see his phone, I've just had to wade through the biggest pile of BS I've experienced since getting divorced - most which involved him trying to give me his phone and not, pulling back, wanting to go for a walk with his phone (**** that for a game of soldiers), being given an ultimatum again and again that unless he lets me see his phone he can **** right off, excuses that he mentally can't relax enough to give me his phone, weak accusations against me which got taken back, expressing the desire to give me his phone and needing time and more time and more time to work himself up to doing so. Grabbed his bags and chucked him out. Even if he comes back and offers me his phone, he's had enough time for damage control to delete everything, so it means nothing. I've emotionally shut down so am chilly and cool. Not looking forward to when the barriers come down.
Author Jambalaya Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 I also had the - 'what if I give you my sim instead of my phone?' line. 'she's a friend of my best friend' (whom he has never mentioned once and he doesn't have that many friends believe me) And all of a sudden calls from my hallway and he finally hands over the phone, which suddently has over 100 less texts in it than when I snuck a look this morning.
Kinder-Horror Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I always find that people feel pretty strongly one way or another about the whole looking through the phone without asking thing. (Asking is a different story, I don't see what the problem is with that because they could always say no I guess)... I personally don't care if my boyfriend looks through my phone because I have nothing to hide Though I suppose it hurts to think they are suspicious. However - I'm with ya. Usually your intuition is dead on. And it sounds like in your case it was.
Dexter Morgan Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 To ask your other half if you can look at the their phone? I suspect I've been made a mug of again. if you suspect something, yes its acceptable. but if you are wrong, then prepare for a rough time.
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