Omei Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Its been nearly 2 years since me and my SO started out LDR and its going wonderfully we get along great I barely have any complaints. I am not the type of girl that's okay with having no contact. I've had a 5 year relationship and a 1 1/2 year relationship with 2 men before my current SO both gradually dated and then ended up living together so I am really used to contact with my bfs. This is my first LDR. I wonder if anyone ever gets this way, Sometimes I hate the distance so very badly I hate it so very strongly at times and get upset (alone). we're stuck in this never moving forward, I get so jealous and wish so badly sometimes that I could view/see/experience life with him, once and a while ill get upset because hes going out not because hes gone out that doesn't bother me one bit but that how much I am missing out on in daily experience with him it feels like i am missing out on so much at times. I have a video of my SO that I love of him riding the bus with me and I watch it a lot just for the fact that its seeing him in a different way entirely..you know not on the PC. Out of all my relationships I feel this one far surpasses the others in almost all forms or maybe it seems that way because of how the distance makes us get along so darn well but... (Never gonna..)Has anyone just felt that it was way too painful to continue? or at times? ill have weeks and weeks where I am totally fine then something small will trigger a **** load of emotion and pain and ill feel like its such an outrageous amount. Anyone get like that or do I just get totally crazy sometimes? I just feel like its a bit obsessive or not normal to get THAT sad about missing someone? It can feel as if a break up happened but nothing has just as an example, I quickly find something else to do. Another thing someone may relate too, ever get just totally stressed at the thought of how much $ its gonna always take? I mean I love my SO and ill gladly spend money to see him and make us work just sometimes the thought of having a constant tight wallet for who knows how long!! can be exhausting!!
blugirl Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Has anyone just felt that it was way too painful to continue? or at times? ill have weeks and weeks where I am totally fine then something small will trigger a **** load of emotion and pain and ill feel like its such an outrageous amount. Anyone get like that or do I just get totally crazy sometimes? I just feel like its a bit obsessive or not normal to get THAT sad about missing someone? It can feel as if a break up happened but nothing has just as an example, I quickly find something else to do. Yes, I get that sometimes, too.... everything's ok and suddenly one day BAM, I miss him like hell and can't focus on anything throughout the whole day, thinking how much I'd want to be with him now... love is painful sometimes but I'm willing to take it all if there's even little hope that we're gonna be together eventually...
HeavenOrHell Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Hi hun, I get days where I miss him so much and it gets me down, can also get very sexually frustrated cos we're very physical and affectionate. I do get tearful about it at times and think 'can I do this?' I sometimes think life is too short to be missing the one you love, but if I think about us not being together it's way more painful and then I know it's all worth it. We meet every 6-8 weeks, if I was in an LDR where we went 3 months or more without meeting I don't think I could do it We've only been a couple for 6 months, I may feel I've had enough in 2 years time if we're not closer to living nearer to each other by then. I get a bit worried about the money we spend, it's making it hard to save any money right now as it a lot of it goes on travel costs and hotels, BUT it's so worth it, I'd rather spend time with him than have more savings I know where you're coming from though. >(Never gonna..)Has anyone just felt that it was way too painful to continue? or at times? ill have weeks and weeks where I am totally fine then something small will trigger a **** load of emotion and pain and ill feel like its such an outrageous amount. Anyone get like that or do I just get totally crazy sometimes? I just feel like its a bit obsessive or not normal to get THAT sad about missing someone? It can feel as if a break up happened but nothing has just as an example, I quickly find something else to do. Another thing someone may relate too, ever get just totally stressed at the thought of how much $ its gonna always take? I mean I love my SO and ill gladly spend money to see him and make us work just sometimes the thought of having a constant tight wallet for who knows how long!! can be exhausting!!<
aerogurl87 Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I think most people feel this way at some point in a LDR. I'll be seeing my boyfriend in less than two weeks and last weekend something inside me snapped and I got all depressed/angry because of what you just mentioned. I felt like I was missing out on being with him and experiencing life with him. So when he went out with his friends (granted he did text me a bit while he was out) and didn't come home till a few hours later (tired and half sleep) I wasn't the happiest person in the world. Basically though I told him that I wasn't bothered by him going out but that I was admittedly selfish to some degree and wanted him to myself sometimes since I can't just pick up and go out with him anytime I want. He was more understanding when I explained to him how I felt, but he does deal with this distance better than I do. I'm just ready for us to be together in the same city. I miss him all the time like crazy and it's not getting any easier.
HeavenOrHell Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I sometimes feel a bit jealous when he's out with friends/his ex, just cos I wish I were there or he were here, and that it was me who is doing stuff with him, but I go out more than he does, I also feel happy for him when he goes out cos he's quite hermit like, so it's nice for him. We don't always get to talk when the other gets home, it depends how late it is, we often text when we are out though just to let each other know that even if we're with other people that we haven't forgotten each other. Can you try and see your friends on the nights he's out? I often try and time things so that I see friends/my ex on the nights he sees his, so I'm keeping occupied too, then we can catch up next day. I think most people feel this way at some point in a LDR. I'll be seeing my boyfriend in less than two weeks and last weekend something inside me snapped and I got all depressed/angry because of what you just mentioned. I felt like I was missing out on being with him and experiencing life with him. So when he went out with his friends (granted he did text me a bit while he was out) and didn't come home till a few hours later (tired and half sleep) I wasn't the happiest person in the world. Basically though I told him that I wasn't bothered by him going out but that I was admittedly selfish to some degree and wanted him to myself sometimes since I can't just pick up and go out with him anytime I want. He was more understanding when I explained to him how I felt, but he does deal with this distance better than I do. I'm just ready for us to be together in the same city. I miss him all the time like crazy and it's not getting any easier.
Author Omei Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Can you try and see your friends on the nights he's out? I often try and time things so that I see friends/my ex on the nights he sees his, so I'm keeping occupied too, then we can catch up next day. My friend lives at the very opposite of my city and we both don't have cars and she works a lot I have been thinking about asking her to sleep over for a weekend or something.
Author Omei Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Ugh so my bf never came home last night left me a msg him and his friends were gonna drink that's okay... But when I asked how his night went he tells me that his friend drove drunk and they went car surfing? and that my SO was the only one not to do it? (right) bleh and hes 20? for the most part he's mature but after hearing about last night I cant help but go... seriously? seriously? really? retards in my head.
LittleTiger Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Yes, this is completely normal. It is for me anyway. We've been in our LDR for a year now. I love my partner - completely. He is absolutely the best man I've ever known and we are as perfect for each other as anyone could ever hope to find BUT I really, really hate being in an LDR - I hate it all the time - and sometimes I'm so sad and it hurts so much that I just want it to end. It's not going to end, of course, at least not for quite a while. We both soldier on like a pair of troopers, spending every spare penny/cent we have on travelling to see each other and counting down the days until our next visit. I hate it that I go to sleep alone and wake up alone and that all I have of him most days is 'virtual' instead of real. I get really depressed at times just because I need a hug - doesn't seem like too much to ask ..... and then, of course, there's the 'no sex' thing - it's all torture. Neither of us has a particularly wild social life so there's not much to get jealous about on that score but when we talk on skype he is sometimes with his parents or his sister or his 6 year old daughter (who I adore and now think of as my step daughter). If any of his family is around, he's often laughing and joking and having fun with them in the background and that's quite difficult to deal with at times. I definitely feel as though we're missing out on a whole lot of good times that we should be sharing. I'm not a fan of LDRs at all (in case you hadn't guessed ). I think they are a huge waste of life - but here I am and, until our circumstances can change, there's not a thing I can do about it. *very big sigh*
HeavenOrHell Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Sounds a great idea My friend lives at the very opposite of my city and we both don't have cars and she works a lot I have been thinking about asking her to sleep over for a weekend or something.
HeavenOrHell Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Yeah that's not good Ugh so my bf never came home last night left me a msg him and his friends were gonna drink that's okay... But when I asked how his night went he tells me that his friend drove drunk and they went car surfing? and that my SO was the only one not to do it? (right) bleh and hes 20? for the most part he's mature but after hearing about last night I cant help but go... seriously? seriously? really? retards in my head.
Author Omei Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Yes, this is completely normal. It is for me anyway. We've been in our LDR for a year now. I love my partner - completely. He is absolutely the best man I've ever known and we are as perfect for each other as anyone could ever hope to find BUT I really, really hate being in an LDR - I hate it all the time - and sometimes I'm so sad and it hurts so much that I just want it to end. It's not going to end, of course, at least not for quite a while. We both soldier on like a pair of troopers, spending every spare penny/cent we have on travelling to see each other and counting down the days until our next visit. I hate it that I go to sleep alone and wake up alone and that all I have of him most days is 'virtual' instead of real. I get really depressed at times just because I need a hug - doesn't seem like too much to ask ..... and then, of course, there's the 'no sex' thing - it's all torture. Neither of us has a particularly wild social life so there's not much to get jealous about on that score but when we talk on skype he is sometimes with his parents or his sister or his 6 year old daughter (who I adore and now think of as my step daughter). If any of his family is around, he's often laughing and joking and having fun with them in the background and that's quite difficult to deal with at times. I definitely feel as though we're missing out on a whole lot of good times that we should be sharing. I'm not a fan of LDRs at all (in case you hadn't guessed ). I think they are a huge waste of life - but here I am and, until our circumstances can change, there's not a thing I can do about it. *very big sigh* You described how I usually feel 10x better than as I was trying to described it. Good to know that im not alone, My SO also always has family around and it get's hard to deal with at times often if we have a disagreement I feel upset that it becomes family knowledge because they can hear everything hes saying to me! I know how you feel.
LittleTiger Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 You described how I usually feel 10x better than as I was trying to described it. Good to know that im not alone, My SO also always has family around and it get's hard to deal with at times often if we have a disagreement I feel upset that it becomes family knowledge because they can hear everything hes saying to me! I know how you feel. Ah well we don't do that. If there are other people about we video and type, so nobody knows what we're saying. Maybe you could try that (assuming you're skyping of course). Sometimes we even switch to typing if things are getting a bit heated because it can help to cool things down. It's impossible to 'raise your voice' when you're typing although we do find a lot of capitals appearing at times like that . If my partner's family is about it's usually because he's visiting his parents with his daughter and I miss being a part of it. Last week they had a family party and I could see all the 'goings on' on the screen behind him. I felt a million miles away (and it's only 12,000! ) You're definitely not alone though - LDRs suck - big time!
folieadeux Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 This is all par for the course in any LDR. Some days are better than others, while some are just downright horrible no matter how busy you try to keep yourself. I totally agree that it’s the little things in life that get missed that cause the biggest impact. Not being able to just make plans for dinner after work, see a movie, or take a walk is really the toughest part at times. But on the flipside, it makes you appreciate the time you do have together so much more and never take each other for granted. Omei, I hope your SO got home safe!
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