OceanGirl Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 This is online dating related. I had more than one first time meets where things didn't go that well. It was obvious that there is no spark, that we have little in common. Conversation was also bad, just polite queations and answers etc. Lots of horrible awkward silences. Just bad time all around. Yet more than once, the guy would end up calling for a second date. I am just puzzled how they can perceive that first dates went well
Andy_K Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Sometimes you don't hit it off with someone straight away, and a connection builds over time. And sometimes what's obvious to you isn't obvious to whoever you're with. Also likely, is they thought you were hot and don't want to give up on any chance (no matter how slight) of getting their end away.
Insanitylater Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 When you start initiating and doing all the leg work as a male, than you will understand why initiators don't quit after the first try. Do yourself a favor, ask all the women you know, and plenty of women on this forum, how many of them were pursued by a man, that didnt give up after the first try, and it turned into a relationship or marriage.
sagetalk Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 This is online dating related. I had more than one first time meets where things didn't go that well. It was obvious that there is no spark, that we have little in common. Conversation was also bad, just polite queations and answers etc. Lots of horrible awkward silences. Just bad time all around. Yet more than once, the guy would end up calling for a second date. I am just puzzled how they can perceive that first dates went well Because they didn't feel that way. Guys aren't like girls, most don't need sparks or great conversations all the time or any of that. Guys want a hot girl that won't cheat on them and likes them for who they. You are looking for guys to light your world on fire the first time they meet you. That is a near impossible task for a normal guy unless he is an expert at dating or just wants sex. Live your life however you wish, but dropping guys just because of one bad date is lame in my opinion, and sets you up to only fall for players or entertainer type males.
bobdole Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 My reasons would be: 1. Your hot - your worth the time of trying again 2. The 1st date may have been bad to you, but it wasn't so bad to me. 3. I normally wouldn't - but maybe I'm bored and have no other options at the moment.
LoveLace Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 They don't know how YOU perceived the first date, unless you tell them. All they know is they like you so they take another chance. Girls are much more critical about breaking down chemistry (spark, flow of conversation, etc) but I don't think men do that. At most, they might get a vibe that a girl doesn't like them, so if anything keeps them from calling again it's that. But usually they are probably not sure either way and this is why they might call again after all. And I have dropped out after many bad first dates. I'm sure there have been a few over all the years of me being single that I should have stuck with. But if the conversation doesn't flow well or I don't feel that I can't wait to get to know him better, I'm not interested in a 2nd date. I don't think we expect a guy to "light our fire" but we need to feel a spark to some extent, enough to feel excited about seeing him again. Weather this is caused by attraction or conversation or what not, it needs to be there. If it's not there on the 1st date I won't rely on it to magically appear on the 2nd, so why bother? And keep in mind OP women are guilty of the same thing...I've been on that side when I thought a date was decent, but apparently he didn't because I wouldn't hear from him again. It's just a case of feelings not being mutual.
MorningCoffee Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 My typical experience with online dating has been the coffee date/first meeting goes fine, we exchange phone numbers, she says call her, which I then do a day or three later, but get no answer or no call back. I might try once more, but that's it. It isn't that I am persisting after a "bad" first meeting, it's that I think women simply go along to be "nice" and not risk any unpleasantness, so the guy naturally gets the impression that it is OK to try for an actual date. We get the ignore treatment because they really had low interest all along but were too wussy to say so. The two exceptions for me started exactly the same way except the woman did take or return the follow up calls, and we went from there. Guys just have to suck it up and get a lot of rejections to find a few gems. Women's passive disappearing act is annoying as h*ll but that's the way it seems women just are.
40 Fonzarelli Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 He just wants some ass. He could care less how the conversation went.
LoveLace Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 He just wants some ass. He could care less how the conversation went. Possibility but there's no way of knowing that for sure just because he's called her twice. There would have to be some action to take place beyond the calling to know if that's really all he's after. Obviously this is the case if your the guy in the situation, but your not so it's irrelevant...
Sith Apprentice Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 I will call for several reasons. Internet dates are hit and quit material only. 1. I am bored and I MIGHT let you buy me drinks. 2. How hot you are; were talking Jessica Alba hot. 3. How horny I am.
that girl Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 1. Your hot - your worth the time of trying again 2. The 1st date may have been bad to you, but it wasn't so bad to me. 3. I normally wouldn't - but maybe I'm bored and have no other options at the moment. I think this is probably spot on. Guys aren't like girls, most don't need sparks or great conversations all the time or any of that. Guys want a hot girl that won't cheat on them and likes them for who they. You are looking for guys to light your world on fire the first time they meet you. That is a near impossible task for a normal guy unless he is an expert at dating or just wants sex. Eh, I'm not sure I agree with this. I do think guys are probably slightly more likely to keep seeing a girl when they don't feel a deep connection. But I don't think guys are immune to chemistry- guy friends do have those moments where they could just sit and talk to a girl for hours. And you don't have to be an expert dater or player to light a woman's world on fire.
welikeincrowds Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 1. I am bored and I MIGHT let you buy me drinks. I smell a "PUA".
Author OceanGirl Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 I smell a "PUA". I absolutely hate NEGs. Any guy that says something along those lines to me, even in jest is such a turn off that it pretty much negates all his positive qualities. I once went on a few dates with a guy who picked me up and told me at the door "Dress you wore last week looked better on you" (this after I spent ages getting ready). I decided to never see him again.
callingyouuu Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 I once went on a few dates with a guy who picked me up and told me at the door "Dress you wore last week looked better on you" (this after I spent ages getting ready). I decided to never see him again. I don't think that's a neg; negs are designed to be kind of like playful teasing, which everyone likes. What that guy said was just being an insensitive jerk.
ascendotum Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 My reasons would be: 1. Your hot - your worth the time of trying again 2. The 1st date may have been bad to you, but it wasn't so bad to me. 3. I normally wouldn't - but maybe I'm bored and have no other options at the moment. ^ Yep. "Lots of horrible awkward silences. Just bad time all around." OceanGirl, whats your view on this when it happens? No doubt you would view the date as not very good, but do you blame the guy for the silences? I am curious on your perspective. I have been on dates when this has happened and I would feel more nervous and would do my best to keep the conversation flowing. Usually on these dates I would be the one who would be doing most of the talking and initiating of topics, and I would feel bad when there was awkward silences. As I got older I took it as a pretty good indicator that she was not into me and would only make tentative effort for a follow up date, (except item 1 above). Whereas in the past I would get nervous over awkward silences, these days, I don't and now have no qualms to keep the silence going with a look of bored indifference to see how long it takes for the woman to initiate conversation.
Sith Apprentice Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Lots of horrible awkward silences. Just bad time all around. Please tell how this is the mans fault? I guess no one is good enough for anyone anymore. The first date is essentially a blind date, and not many men are themselves anyway. All it takes is one little thing a girl doesn't like and she will write you off as another dud and convince herself she "wont settle", when in reality you know nothing about him. You could meet the same exact man under different circumstances and she might have her hands around your schlong by night's end. Considering how flaky most women are with their ridiculously high standards, I think it's best to "go for broke" i.e. Push the first date as far as you can go. Previously, I would meet them for a drink as a first date and take things slowly. This was because I believed the first date went well and assumed I would get to see her again. Plus I really am a gentleman at heart (opening doors, paying for everything, showing true concern for their well being and interests). The problem is that 80-90% of the time there was no second date no matter how hard i tried. This my friends is the reason why so many men are turning to the "PUA" community. Men aren't so picky. Hell, the average guy would settle for a chubby girl with a cute face that won't cheat on him. The sad irony is you'll let the good ones go and your life will be filled with regret and misery.
sagetalk Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 As I got older I took it as a pretty good indicator that she was not into me and would only make tentative effort for a follow up date, (except item 1 above). Whereas in the past I would get nervous over awkward silences, these days, I don't and now have no qualms to keep the silence going with a look of bored indifference to see how long it takes for the woman to initiate conversation. Excellent advice, absolutely excellent. I can tell you lived through it (so have I). Girls can be so rude on a date unless you are entertaining them none stop (unless you really hit it off). I'm growning weary of trying to win girls over, it is so utterly pointless words cannot describe it. If you're just looking for sex, then by all means. If you want a LTR though, she has to put forth the same effort as you or it isn't going to work. Experience has taught me that lesson.
Sith Apprentice Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Here's what bugs me more than anything...if you CAN'T find anything in common with a woman, she assumes it's YOUR fault. She doesn't have a damned thing interesting to talk about except shoes, her *****ty co-workers, and gossip, yet it's YOUR fault if you're not fascinated by those things. I'm tired of trying to figure out what "impresses" them. Nothing short of a million dollars in the bank, Brad-Pitt-looks, etc will "impress" them, so it seems. Even the ugly ones are brought up being taught to expect a prince to carry them off. Even if they don't "deserve" it themselves, even if they're hideous or unpleasant companions, they think just by virtue of being women it gives them some right to expect to be romanced by some sexy romantic comedy hero. Life has thrown me a lot of curve-balls this year, and I don't enjoy the game at all like I use too, even approaching women something I enjoyed, I don't care for anymore, when I go on dates, I get bored easily cause a lot of women aren't interesting and expect the man to "wow" and create a "spark" while they sit on their entitled ass's and not contribute nothing remotely interesting at all to the date.
that girl Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Please tell how this is the mans fault? She never said it was the man's fault. The fact that she is suprised he called for a second date implies that she didn't think he had that good a time either. I'm tired of trying to figure out what "impresses" them. Nothing short of a million dollars in the bank, Brad-Pitt-looks, etc will "impress" them, so it seems. Even the ugly ones are brought up being taught to expect a prince to carry them off. Even if they don't "deserve" it themselves, even if they're hideous or unpleasant companions, they think just by virtue of being women it gives them some right to expect to be romanced by some sexy romantic comedy hero. It isn't about impressing anyone. If when you're talking to a woman, you think She doesn't have a damned thing interesting to talk about except shoes, her *****ty co-workers, and gossip Why would you even want to see her again? I know the answer is "because I want to get laid" but it doesn't make a woman a bad person if she is looking for someone who she enjoys being with and who enjoys being with her.
PhillyDude Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 He just wants some ass. He could care less how the conversation went. That sums it up-lol
krz12 Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 I'm going to bump this thread, because I have a sorta similar question, and its probably not worthy of its own thread. Keep in mind that this is my first date ever, and I'm trying to keep as rational headed as I can. Backstory here: http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Dating-Questions/297432-first-first-datefeedback-and-need-help.html Cliffs: 1. Met girl online. 2. Date went ok, about 2 hours, had what I think are some ups and some downs, ended on a peculiarity that I can only perceive as a down. 3. I sent 1 email 2 days later, and 1 phone call 4 days later (yesterday). In any case, I'm completely done with any sort of contact. This is pretty much me: My reasons would be: 1. Your hot - your worth the time of trying again 2. The 1st date may have been bad to you, but it wasn't so bad to me. 3. I normally wouldn't - but maybe I'm bored and have no other options at the moment. So, my question is, guys, at what point do you officially say, f this, there's nothing here, and just put a girl out of your mind for good? 1 week? 2 weeks? I am both mentally prepared and expecting some rejection in this process, and I'm ok with it. My question is basically when silence turns into rejection.
sagetalk Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 So, my question is, guys, at what point do you officially say, f this, there's nothing here, and just put a girl out of your mind for good? 1 week? 2 weeks? Don't think in terms of time. When she says, "Let's just be friends for now", that's your cue. Run for the hills.
LoveLace Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 Don't think in terms of time. When she says, "Let's just be friends for now", that's your cue. Run for the hills. In your case of no returned email or phone call krz, I would consider that the silence or "rejection" you speak of...
krz12 Posted October 14, 2010 Posted October 14, 2010 In your case of no returned email or phone call krz, I would consider that the silence or "rejection" you speak of... I get that, sorry if the question wasn't clear. It was more a length of time thing. How long should a paid professional type of person take to 'respond' to something like this, one way or another? Obviously I don't expect someone to reply back in 5 minutes. We all have our lives to live. But I figure about 3-5 days is enough time, am I off base?
LoveLace Posted October 15, 2010 Posted October 15, 2010 I get that, sorry if the question wasn't clear. It was more a length of time thing. How long should a paid professional type of person take to 'respond' to something like this, one way or another? Obviously I don't expect someone to reply back in 5 minutes. We all have our lives to live. But I figure about 3-5 days is enough time, am I off base? Yes I'd say 3 days without response is enough to assume they are not interested.
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