delli Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 So, I'm planning to break up with my bf. We've been dating for almost 4 years now. We're 5 years apart. I'm 21 and he's 26. I think it's the age difference catching up with us. I feel like he's ready to settle down, but I'm just in my prime, you know, wanting to go out or spending the night in studying my brain off. Things he likes, I find boring and things I like to do, he has no interest in doing. Maybe we're both lost. I think the real issue is that I'm no longer in love with him. I see a future with him, but it doesn't look as nice as I'd like it to. He never finished getting his college degree, but he's really smart (I've always had a soft spot for the smart ones). He's working at a bank as a teller, which doesn't really bother me either. Once I get my engineering degree, I won't even have to worry about that. Maybe I am in love with him, but I need a break. I don't want to be fully committed yet. I'd like to date other guys. My bf was my second bf, but my first real long-term relationship. I feel selfish, because I want to have a future with him, but I don't want one right now. What if I regret my decision? I'm so conflicted.
skydiveaddict Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 What if I regret my decision? Then you live with it. Like the rest of us.
nittanylion Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 (edited) So, I'm planning to break up with my bf. We've been dating for almost 4 years now. We're 5 years apart. I'm 21 and he's 26. I think it's the age difference catching up with us. I feel like he's ready to settle down, but I'm just in my prime, you know, wanting to go out or spending the night in studying my brain off. Things he likes, I find boring and things I like to do, he has no interest in doing. Maybe we're both lost. I think the real issue is that I'm no longer in love with him. I see a future with him, but it doesn't look as nice as I'd like it to. He never finished getting his college degree, but he's really smart (I've always had a soft spot for the smart ones). He's working at a bank as a teller, which doesn't really bother me either. Once I get my engineering degree, I won't even have to worry about that. Maybe I am in love with him, but I need a break. I don't want to be fully committed yet. I'd like to date other guys. My bf was my second bf, but my first real long-term relationship. I feel selfish, because I want to have a future with him, but I don't want one right now. What if I regret my decision? I'm so conflicted. O boy, here we go again. lol! If you u dont love him, than tell him to move on and stop wasting time on him. Off course, you dont love him now cause you mind is on your first love. Now, you are confused between the 2. Woman, I tell you, getting ready to jump ship but make sure there is another guy in the wing. LOL! Maybe you should clear your dam head, and not dating either boys. Besides, you still young and want to explore....Just messing around until you are maturely ready to be in a serious to be in a relationship. Edited October 9, 2010 by nittanylion
Author delli Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 O boy, here we go again. lol! If you u dont love him, than tell him to move on and stop wasting time on him. Off course, you dont love him now cause you mind is on your first love. Now, you are confused between the 2. Woman, I tell you, getting ready to jump ship but make sure there is another guy in the wing. LOL! Maybe you should clear your dam head, and not dating either boys. Besides, you still young and want to explore....Just messing around until you are maturely ready to be in a serious to be in a relationship. There's only 1 guy. I was just saying he is my first real long term relationship.
Author delli Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Then you live with it. Like the rest of us. If that's what it'll come down to, so be it.
nittanylion Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 There's only 1 guy. I was just saying he is my first real long term relationship. Ok sorry! I misunderstand what you said. Anyway, tell him this, Take some times off like a month or 2 months and see what happen. I mean strictly No contract with your bf. Dont date or see anyone else. This way, it will give u time to clear your head and see if you can rekindle your relationship with your bf or still have strong feeling for him. You see, I love a good ending. Good luck!
SadGirl23 Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I say you let him be with someone who is willing to find things to make it fun for the both of them b/c it looks like you don't want to. You say he's boring, but why not find something that you both can like before you just quit on your 4 year relationship. But if you rather not, don't waste your time nor his. And whatever decision you make, you just have to live with it just like every other Dumper. If it makes you feel any better to let go of the relationship without all the guilt, for all you know, he may just think you are too young and or immature for what he wants and agree with the break up. Who knows... but taking space for a month or two as the poster said above sounds pretty selfish. So, you want him to sit and wait for you while you think? Either you Love him and find ways to spice up the relationship or leave him.
shia Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 well u know whatever issues u feel u havin inside ur head, u gotta first communicate that to him however dat might feel to him but u gotta be honest with urself and with him .first of all let him know whats goin on in ur head. he might try to make u understand logically or something but don let it turn into an argument or something, just tell him u are just sayin how u feel u are not suggesting anything conclusive like breaking up , but possibly u just need some time apart and need some space.if u make that point clear, he will surely understand. dont get into a no contact period or something, dats very foolish and selfish,but just get some more space, dats it.in the meanwhile find things to interest and excite u...like a new hobby, do things dat u havent done before, explore life more, learn new things, ,meet new people make new friends. u dont need to date other guys at this point of time but just be urself.see, y i m saying this is becoz its utterly rong to be expecting a man or a relationship to keep u happy.ur happiness is not ur man's responsibility its ur own.so possibly u are feeling bored and u need something more in life dat u need to find out on ur own and u are blaming the poor guy and the relationship for dat, u know, like taking out ur frustration which u arent even aware of. and this frustration is comin in the form of "i think i m no longer in love with him"..u see what i mean here?? wether u love him really or not is only determined by how much u are happy with urself and ur life in general and if u need something else that wud give u happiness and make u grow in life just do that, it doesnt really have to be a relationship or a man, and certainly not a new man. i cant say much abt ur life situation but gal, u gotta learn more abt urself and think..what is it that i really want?wht do i want from myself and life at this point of time?next, what is it that i would want from a man?what would i want from my boyfriend thats not there right now?in what ways does my bf keep me happy?what r his good qualities?what are his bad qualities?wht do i find missing?what are my good qualities?what are my bad qualities?what am i contributing to the relationship?is there something that i can do to make this relationship better?is there something that i can do to make him understand me better?what are his dreams?what are ur dreams? u will be surprised with ur answers.just keep ur introspection going, take some space and dont break up impulsively just becoz of this,and that and that, got it? lastly remember one thing before breaking up...no one is perfect for anyone.its the differences between two people and how much they fit in with each other n how mch they appreciate the point that they still havent known each other completely and they have to still explore each other and live the life of ur dreams dat makes a relationship going. u know its very easy to take each other for granted. take care,wish u the best.
TLCbear Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Anytime two people are on different pages, it will not work. You need to be honest with him and go your seperate ways. Let him find someone who is wanting the same thing he wants. As far as regretting it, you just have to deal with it. Life is all about making choices...some will be the wrong choices and some the right choices...only time will tell that. The only thing you can do is do what you think is best for you at that time. Hope this helps. My second boyfriend I was with a little over a year, we were two hours away, he wanted to get married, I didn't at the time...regardless of what I wanted, I knew it wouldn't work. He wanted to move out of state, I wanted to stay put and keep my house. He didn't have any kids, I had two and couldn't have anymore. Two many differences, it was doomed from the start. No matter how hard we tried to make it work, we eventually broke up. Six months later (or at least it seemed like it), he married someone else. Was I hurt? Yes, but I also understand, you have to do what is best for you and whatever choice you make, you have to deal with it. Sometimes the "what ifs" cross my mind. Where am I now? Still going in circles on the marry go round, just ending another relationship. But hey, life goes on. Ahhh, here I go again, lol.
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