Cee Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 A friend yelled at me today because I always talk about my dates as probably not leading anywhere. He said I'm too negative. I said that I have low expectations. He said I should have no expectations. I can't comprehend that. When I go on a date and I like the guy, I get my hopes up, but I temper my enthusiasm by saying that it probably won't happen. I get disappointed when they don't call, but I am not blindsided by it. That's how I do it b/c I used to think a great date on my end meant he liked me. And too many times, I got no call back. Or I got a second or third date and then no call back. So LS'ers, help me out. Walk me through what no expectations would look like. I can't comprehend having zero expectations at all. Thanks.
USMCHokie Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I have no problem placing expectations on a dating situation after a great first or second or third date...but I don't place an emotional attachment to those expectations...I just view it objectively and hope for the best...if it doesn't work out with a girl that I was really interested in, I might get a little bummed, but I won't get butthurt over it...I'll just pick myself back up and drive on... So expectations are fine...just don't get attached to those expectations...
welikeincrowds Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Walk me through what no expectations would look like. There's your problem. It doesn't look like anything. That's the point. Not a single word, thought, image about the future is supposed to crystallize. You just go and perform, and perform again, until one day it hits you that people are buying you champagne because you made it on the playbill.
aerogurl87 Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 When I used to go out on dates before I met my boyfriend this is how things usually went. Date 1: No expectations of commitment or chemistry. Take it as it comes. Date 2: Expect to be on the same page about what we're looking for or I'm out of there. Date 3: Expect to still be getting along and start pondering whether this guy is boyfriend material. Some people may think that's moving too fast, but I don't like my time being wasted. I want to know pretty quickly what a guy wants with me if he wants to date me. If I were just interested in friends I'd just invite a guy out to hang out without bothering to get dressed up.
skydiveaddict Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 He said I should have no expectations. . I agree with your friend. You will usually just get your heart smashed to bits.
Star Gazer Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 So expectations are fine...just don't get attached to those expectations... I do....
Awesome Username Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 If you're going to a movie, have expectations for the movie and the popcorn. If you're going to a coffee shop, expect the latte to rock. In other words, have fun in the situation you're in instead of having expectations that the guy will make you happy.
Insanitylater Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 He said I'm too negative. I said that I have low expectations. People that think your own internal thoughts have an affect on whether the date calls you back are just saying that because they've heard other people say it. They use it as a way to cheer you up instead of just being honest and agreeing with you. if someone is on a ledge wanting to jump off, are you going to agree with the problems they face, or lie and tell them things will get better? people have issues with being honest with each other. they've been taught to lie and sugar coat everything. As long as you don't allow the negativity to spill into the interaction between you and the date, than its perfectly fine to face reality, and face the true odds of whether it will work or not. Finding a good date/relationship isnt always easy, you can have fun doing it, but don't EXPECT that 1 good date is going to lead anywhere.
Disillusioned Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Of course you're going to need a bunch of break-in dates if you subscribe to the "any ol' person" school of thought and you have intentions of going LTR.
atlnay Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 A friend yelled at me today because I always talk about my dates as probably not leading anywhere. He said I'm too negative. I said that I have low expectations. *** So LS'ers, help me out. Walk me through what no expectations would look like. I can't comprehend having zero expectations at all. Thanks. Ok, I'll play When I go on a date and I like the guy, I get my hopes up, but I temper my enthusiasm by saying that it probably won't happen. When I go on a date, I am "neutral" to the guy. I can like his looks and his personality enough but I stay in the moment of wherever we are at and don't look past that time. I enjoy the heck out of the food or the ambiance or the movie. I am "interested" in him and how we click but I am not looking into where this may go or when will I see him again. I get disappointed when they don't call, but I am not blindsided by it. You are disappointed because you had an expectation. and I am guessing you do that to protect yourself from being blindsided. No expectation means, if he calls great, if he doesn't, you don't even notice. Chalk up that date to an experience, pull nuggets you learned from it (found a great new restaurant or he explained that theory of relatively thing so well) then you move on and use it for your next date. That's how I do it b/c I used to think a great date on my end meant he liked me. And too many times, I got no call back. Or I got a second or third date and then no call back. A great date is just that. A great date. If you had a good time and laughed and enjoyed your meal and learned something new or pushed yourself outside your comfort zone and survived, his liking you back *should* have no bearing on the greatness of the date. *** That's the best way I can tell you how to have no expectations. Believe it or not, but your internal feelings come out in some way on dates. Whether it's in your words or body language and people pick up on non-verbal cues LOUD & CLEAR. Are you dating multiple people or just that guy? If all your eggs are in one basket, are you willing to date maybe 2 or 3 guys casually till you find the one that likes you as much as you like him?
Recommended Posts