green_tea Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I have very little experience in online dating going past a few emails, so I am unsure how to proceed with one that has now progressed to the phone. The problem is he called me two days in a row and that really made me uncomfortable. He lives in a different city to me, so it is difficult to meet up and see if there is anything there. So he called me for the first time on Thursday evening, I was fine with that, and we had no problem keeping the conversation going. The next morning he texted me that he enjoyed talking to me - I didn't like the text, I barely know the guy and didn't want texts from him - however I thought it would be rude to ignore, and so I eventually answered it. Later that day in the evening, my phone rang - I saw it was him and didn't answer - he left a message saying he just called to chat and see how my day went, and maybe we'd talk on the weekend. Why would he call me again, the very next day? Is this normal? All I know is I had no wish to talk to him again so soon - and I am back to thinking all online guys have something terribly wrong with them. Has anyone else here met someone through online dating in a different city? How do you proceed with getting to know them well enough to see if it is worthwhile to meet up? Should I email him and tell him I don't want to talk so frequently? Should I even just tell him he's not right for me? Or should I just take his 2nd call as a mistake? Shouldn't he know that it wasn't right? Or am I just overreacting about all of this?? Any advice or comments would be helpful.
USMCHokie Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Don't do online dating if you're uncomfortable with things like text messages, phone conversations, or meeting in person.
Author green_tea Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 If this guy was in the same city as me, I would have no problem meeting up with him. I just wondered if it was normal to talk on the phone every day in order to try to get know someone - I just feel like it's too much.
LoveLace Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Don't do online dating if you're uncomfortable with things like text messages, phone conversations, or meeting in person. Yep, pretty much. Or you could tell him "don't call me, I'll call you" :lmao: You just don't seem interested...in really dating period. Or if your not interested because of the distance, just tell him so.
LoveLace Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 If this guy was in the same city as me, I would have no problem meeting up with him. I just wondered if it was normal to talk on the phone every day in order to try to get know someone - I just feel like it's too much. If the two people like each other with the 1st conversation, then yes this might be more likely to happen.
alexlakeman Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Stay home, take up knitting, disconnect your internet service, throw away your phone... and you'll be fine :rolleyes::rolleyes: A text is "too much"? A call the next day to talk and get to know you is "too much"? If he wouldn't have done neither, you'd be crying on here as to "when is he going to call?", "why hasn't he even texted me?", "is he going to call?" , "when is he going to ask me out?", "Could he have a gf, and that is why he hasn't even texted me in the last 40 minutes?" , lol
Author green_tea Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Yep, pretty much. Or you could tell him "don't call me, I'll call you" :lmao: You just don't seem interested...in really dating period. Or if your not interested because of the distance, just tell him so. No really, I am (well I was) interested in this guy. I liked his photo and his profile, and have never given my number out before, so I've gone a lot further than I have before. I don't think the distance is a huge problem - just makes it harder to know if it's worth pursuing. The phone call two days in a row just freaked me out a bit that's all.
Author green_tea Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Stay home, take up knitting, disconnect your internet service, throw away your phone... and you'll be fine :rolleyes::rolleyes: A text is "too much"? A call the next day to talk and get to know you is "too much"? If he wouldn't have done neither, you'd be crying on here as to "when is he going to call?", "why hasn't he even texted me?", "is he going to call?" , "when is he going to ask me out?", "Could he have a gf, and that is why he hasn't even texted me in the last 40 minutes?" , lol No I think you misunderstood my question - his first call was fine. It was the 2nd one the very next day that bothered me. But I am getting the impression that his 2nd call so soon isn't a big deal to most people - which makes me feel a bit better.
USMCHokie Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 If this guy was in the same city as me, I would have no problem meeting up with him. I just wondered if it was normal to talk on the phone every day in order to try to get know someone - I just feel like it's too much. I agree that it is too much to talk on the phone every day, especially if you haven't met in person. In online dating, I will only call a girl to arrange for a date...I'm not one for idle chit chat on the phone, especially if I haven't met her before... But the problem is that distance makes meeting tougher...so you have to rely on other forms of communication to maintain contact until you can meet him in person...
LoveLace Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I agree that it is too much to talk on the phone every day, especially if you haven't met in person. In online dating, I will only call a girl to arrange for a date...I'm not one for idle chit chat on the phone, especially if I haven't met her before... But the problem is that distance makes meeting tougher...so you have to rely on other forms of communication to maintain contact until you can meet him in person... True. But it also sounds like the OP would "freak out" about 2 days in a row despite the distance. Maybe wait a day and text him that you were busy and sorry to miss his call...then arrange a day/time to talk again...that is assuming you are sincere in all of that. If not, don't do anything and he will probably get the hint, or let him know in some polite way that you are not interested. But I'm seeing a new guy that really likes me which is great, however I've already felt the need to explain that I need my "me" time, and he's been very respectful about that. But at first I think he was aiming for more time with me than I have to give. Bottom line, honesty works.
Imajerk17 Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I wouldn't read too much into it. Maybe he 'doesn't know the rules' of online dating either?
aerogurl87 Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 If this guy was in the same city as me, I would have no problem meeting up with him. I just wondered if it was normal to talk on the phone every day in order to try to get know someone - I just feel like it's too much. Yes that is normal! Do you really want to potentially meet someone you barely know in person only to be disappointed that you two have nothing to talk about when you could've figured that out with the convenience of a phone call? Before my boyfriend and I met in person (we met online) we started out with emails. From that it went to instant messaging, then text messages, and finally the phone. Had we not talked on the phone before meeting we probably would've never even met in person. So yes it's very normal and I'd recommend it.
Author green_tea Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Well he just called me again.. was a genuine missed call this time - I was getting ready to go out for the night...he didn't leave a message this time. I must say I can't help but be put off with calls every day when he barely knows me. Thanks for the suggestion to text him back and suggest calling another time LoveLace - I will probably do that. Thanks for all the other responses too - they have definitely all helped.
Andy_K Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Don't do online dating if you're uncomfortable with things like text messages, phone conversations, or meeting in person. This. Every phonecall doesn't have to be a marathon session lasting for hours. A few minutes will do. I know you don't know the guy, but how do you expect that to change if you aren't meeting, texting, or speaking?
LoveLace Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Well he just called me again.. was a genuine missed call this time - I was getting ready to go out for the night...he didn't leave a message this time. I must say I can't help but be put off with calls every day when he barely knows me. Thanks for the suggestion to text him back and suggest calling another time LoveLace - I will probably do that. Think of a day coming when you know you have an hour or so to spare and suggest you talk then. However since he's tried calling twice already, he might be afraid you won't answer again, even after scheduling it. So ask if he's available at the time you pick and you should be the one to call him this time...IMO. If conversation goes well, let him know when it's best to call you again.
BobSacamento Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Don't do online dating if you're uncomfortable with things like text messages, phone conversations, or meeting in person. More specifically Don't Date if you're uncomfortable with things like text messages, phone conversations, or meeting in person.
alexlakeman Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I I will only call a girl to arrange for a date...I'm not one for idle chit chat on the phone, especially if I haven't met her before... QUOTE] I agree.. I've been doing that recently, since I have been so busy and cash flow.. If I talk to her the first ime today, but I can't set anything up until next week, I'll call her next week... There have been exceptions, where we've just clicked and talk away.. but that is NOT the norm.. Typically I'll call, and set up a date for the next 2-3 days, so the initial meet will be almost immediately, no need to beat around the bush.
LoveLace Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I I will only call a girl to arrange for a date...I'm not one for idle chit chat on the phone, especially if I haven't met her before... QUOTE] I agree.. I've been doing that recently, since I have been so busy and cash flow.. If I talk to her the first ime today, but I can't set anything up until next week, I'll call her next week... There have been exceptions, where we've just clicked and talk away.. but that is NOT the norm.. Typically I'll call, and set up a date for the next 2-3 days, so the initial meet will be almost immediately, no need to beat around the bush. It's all about preference. Some people just want to save the talking for the date, others like to talk in between the dates or leading up to one. I do like at least small chat before setting up the date, but I realize some guys are just not phone people, aside from texting. And I don't think it's technology that's created this. Way before internet and cell phones I remember boys that just didn't care for phone talk much But in person they would talk away. I'm sure some women are that way too but probably not as many...?
irc333 Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) Yeah, there was this one woman I emailed, she even said, "If we don't date, I'm always open to friendships" I saw she was into Sci-Fi as well, I noticed she wasn't all that good looking, but I liked her smile and the fact she was into the same obscure stuff as well, but....if I wasn't attracted, we could always be friends. Even threw out a few flaws of her own that I was willign to accept. She also stated that she was only looking for someone local, which would mean sticking around this small hick town, apparently she was limiting herself already. This is probably a touchy subject I'm bringing up, and will probably be even considered a hot button topic, but I'm just stating the realilty of the situation. And since she was limiting herself locally, she can't afford to be too picky. Seems alot of women I've emailed lately, that were equal to me in physical appearances, or just seemed to be the kind of woman you could see me with. (not unattainable), and still would be overlooked or rejected, it's quite suprising. It's pretty bad when you get rejected by even the average to homely looking. Unfortunately, people don'tsee how they appear to other people, and typically they people they WANT to date are some hot looking "David Beckham" type. Seems online dating brings people shallow standards to a whole new higher level. People don't seem to realize who is "equal" to them as their OWN looks. THAT being said, if I'm going to contact women online, they might as well be "babes", becuase if I'm going to be rejected, it might as well be the hotties. Why pursue plain Janes, when they'll reject you just as much as the perfect 10's?....so might as well go after the lesser of 2 evils LOL Yep, pretty much. Or you could tell him "don't call me, I'll call you" :lmao: You just don't seem interested...in really dating period. Or if your not interested because of the distance, just tell him so. Edited October 10, 2010 by irc333
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 If the guy snooped around and got your number, then it is one thing, but if you gave him your phone number, and he's (surprise!!!!) calling, (and, gasp!!!, texting) then how can you be blaming him???
Author green_tea Posted October 11, 2010 Author Posted October 11, 2010 If the guy snooped around and got your number, then it is one thing, but if you gave him your phone number, and he's (surprise!!!!) calling, (and, gasp!!!, texting) then how can you be blaming him??? Why can people not understand, that this is someone I have NEVER met, and he called me THREE days in a row (5 times in total, 2 texts) - why the need to talk every day??? What is the rush??? We didn't even have that many emails - he said he preferred the phone (though I was more comfortable with email - at least for a bit longer). And regarding the texts - they were just meaningless "how are you/enjoyed talking to you" - I mean I don't know the guy and don't want to get texts about nothing. It would be fine if I had actually met the guy and had some kind of spark there.
Arabella Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 If this guy was in the same city as me, I would have no problem meeting up with him. I just wondered if it was normal to talk on the phone every day in order to try to get know someone - I just feel like it's too much. What you feel is too much, is just right for others. I prefer regular contact with someone I'm trying to get to know. What he did would've been perfect by my standards. He may be used to girls who LIKE being in contact more frequently. If it bothers you, he has no way of knowing if you don't tell him. Arabella
worlybear Posted October 11, 2010 Posted October 11, 2010 Why can people not understand, that this is someone I have NEVER met, and he called me THREE days in a row (5 times in total, 2 texts) - why the need to talk every day??? What is the rush??? We didn't even have that many emails - he said he preferred the phone (though I was more comfortable with email - at least for a bit longer). And regarding the texts - they were just meaningless "how are you/enjoyed talking to you" - I mean I don't know the guy and don't want to get texts about nothing. It would be fine if I had actually met the guy and had some kind of spark there. Is he called David?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 this is someone I have NEVER met, Um, yeah, we got that! Speaking of the obvious: H-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-w did this guy acquire your phone number??? Therein lies your answer.
hectorsch89 Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 Hey i know what you mean. What you should do is also try http://homegear.com/r/?q=23133902&r=2706" webpage its good and its full of people around your area. hope i could help
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