Questions for OW about MM . . .

[Lizzie60]

Has your MM said he loves you? Yes.. most have.. but it flies 10 ft above my head..

 

If yes, then when did he first say this? can't remember.. doesn't matter.

Does your MM tell you he is happy with his wife? Most .. yes

Does he ask you things about your future/where you see yourself etc? not really.. although we talk about just everything.. maybe they have.. can't remember.. not important.

 

Has your MM said he will leave his wife? no.. and they better not.

 

If yes, when is this supposed to happen? n/a

 

Has he taken you out in public (somewhere he knows people who know you will probably be there)? Some have.. but that was a long time ago.. with my regular MMs now.. we don't.. would be too dangerous for them to get caught..

[pureinheart]

For whatever it is worth, my affair was different and special. And my affair partner and I have been very happily married for many years now. I never led her on with questions and certainly never told her I loved her until the day that I showed up at her door with divorce paper and diamond ring.

 

edited to add: I am not suggesting that you continue on into a full-blown affair. If it is meant to be, tell your man that you will be happy to begin dating once he has left his wife.

 

Wow HAL, this is like too romantic...

[pureinheart]

I was extremely confused by bf/mm after I learned of his true situation. To this day, I would say that he made me feel, convinced me that I really was the one he loved. I think it is a delusion of his mind. Just as the W and OW almost identically neglected him (in his mind), I think in his mind I WAS the ONE. And I would continue to be THE ONE, until he got me and the new wore off. Then he would see me as just as unloving and negligent as the W and OW. I really believe the women weren't the problem. It was his view of things.

 

Or maybe like another poster said recently, he really loves whichever woman is with him at the moment.

 

I do know that trying to figure it all out kept my thoughts focused on him long after I ended the R. AND it made it harder to go NC because I was looking for clues, some way to make sense out of an irrational situation. I couldn't totally go NC until I let go of trying to figure him out. Well, when I really resolved it was when I realized that if he had actually loved me, he would not have put me in a situation that would be so painful to me. But I could quit thinking about him and reading his emails when I gave up on trying to figure him out.

 

These are the issues I had...you know FOG, and I know many will not agree, although I see no difference with a MM that hides his marital status and one that professes undying love and "actions" that make it appear as if the M is over. For example, it was very confusing as exDM "acted" single. I had just been through a severe trauma. None of his home life was real to me or him.

 

I am still trying to figure out my issues in it, not his, although sometimes when someone says something profound, or something that hits home, it will trigger various past feelings.

[BB07]

Unsure.......give us an update? Did you turn in the notice?

[Stung]

Ok so I am just about to end a soon to be full on affair . . . but MM has just sent me a text telling me he loves me which has shocked me to be honest. So, I would just like to hear from some of the OW on here where you stand with your MM if you wouldn't mind sharing some info with me??

 

Has your MM said he loves you?

 

If yes, then when did he first say this?

 

Does your MM tell you he is happy with his wife?

 

Does he ask you things about your future/where you see yourself etc?

 

Has your MM said he will leave his wife?

 

If yes, when is this supposed to happen?

 

Has he taken you out in public (somewhere he knows people who know you will probably be there)?

 

Thankyou, just curious as to how the rest of you are being treated by MM

 

 

OP, my MM 'loved' me too. It was about twelve years ago, another lifetime to me now, and I'm so thankful that ultimately I didn't fall for it. I have a husband now who REALLY loves me and the difference to my life is night and day.

 

1. Yes, he said he 'thought' he was 'falling in love' with me, that I was his 'fantasy,' and that I 'changed everything.'

 

2. About two months after we started dating, when I first found out he was actually engaged to be married in just another couple of months .

 

3. He told me he was marrying her because she wanted it, because everybody expected it, but that he wasn't sure, he felt trapped. He said she was a nice girl and he didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't really love her.

 

4. He told me that the right word from me could change everybody's future, that he would leave her if I would promise to be with him, if I would move in with him. He said I was what he had been looking for all that time and the only tragedy was that he hadn't met me before he let himself be trapped by her. I was appalled that he would consider uprooting one woman he was supposed to love and replacing her immediately with the next, and told him he should break off his engagement for himself if he didn't want to get married, but then spend a few months at least alone before thinking about getting serious with me and moving me in. I thought I was being sensible and noble.

 

5. He went ahead and got married, a very painful day for me. He said it was because he thought I didn't want him, because I didn't think it was a good idea to throw his fiance/wife out of her own house and move myself in immediately. Looking back on it now I can see how he manipulated me at every step, but at the time I was very young and naive. I was also weak and foolish enough to take him back into my bed after he was married, but that made me feel even worse than I had before and I finally broke it off with him for good. He didn't want to end it, said he wanted to keep seeing me forever , and that after the wedding he felt like he owed it to her to stay for at least a year but he would leave after that if I really did want him. I said no, I didn't want him anymore.

 

6. N/A

 

7. We went out in public ALL the TIME. We met in public, and we dated for months before I even knew he was engaged. He lived in a nearby town (with her) and worked in my city, and he always picked me up at my place and we hung out in my city and got drinks, dinner, went dancing. We had mutual city friends, some of them colleagues of his who ALSO knew her, who knew us as a couple. I knew his cousins. He was conducting a total double life, I have no idea how he got away with it other than that his work hours were in irregular shifts and a lot of his colleagues were the typical old-school 'boys will be boys' types common to some almost purely-male workplaces.

 

After I broke it off with him, I bumped into him a few months later, with another young girl (not his wife) out dancing at one of the places we used to frequent. He called me a few days later at two am and asked if he could come over because he missed me. I said no, and never heard from him again.

 

I dont' know about you, but I know that whatever my ex-MM felt for me, it definitely wasn't real love. I moved on and learned about relationships built on respect and honesty, it was a major revelation, an epiphany. If you haven't experienced this yet, I hope you will, and soon.