Gt.ooh Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 My ex wants to be friends, but only as I pushed her away and kept begging etc. I've gone into NC now, on day 8. Once the lines of communication are opened again not sure when or how entirely yet.. and if she wants to be friends, maybe (going out a on a limb) friends with benefits.. as we had a mutual kind of break-up. Do I go there? I would like to one day reconcile, but wouldn't want to lose her entirely. I guess it depends on what's happening in her life?
Billie The Puppet Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 If lines of communication are opened NC is reset. "Friends Zone" is not a real friendship zone, it will be friends on their terms. My ex wanted to be friends she said it all the time during LC. SO I asked to hang out and she replied too soon. If we are just friends how is it too soon. I know a female will reply with to soon because she hasn't lost the emotions etc but why offer to be friends insted of just going NC? Go back to NC.
Ajax Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Once upon a time I was in love with a friend of mine. I told her how I felt and go nowhere. We had an awkward friendship for a while and never again was the subject broached. I think it is in very rare cases that people can go from being friends to romantic partners. Usually it's not worth risking the friendship. Check out this link. http://www.laddertheory.com/ Ladder theory basically says that women have two ladders on which they rank the men in their lives. One is the sex ladder and one is the friend ladder. You can go from the sex ladder to the friend ladder, but if you try to jump from the friend ladder to the sex ladder you will fall into the abys, and lose both. It may not be a completely scientific theory, but I buy it.
Trovador Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 If you really don't want to be friends with her (and who would?) because it is too painful feeling demoted, go NC... If you don't want her friendship and don't want her back, just let the friendship die... If you want to be friends and want her back later... forget it... it'll never happen... If you want to be friends and don't want her back... I don't see any problem in that, but go slowly anyway...
SithLord Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Disappear on her!! Trust me, my ex trying to do that to me...and she an emotional wreck bc I'm cool and disappear man.
Author Gt.ooh Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 I do want her back. Feel like if I disappear I will essentially "disappear"... We didn't have a horrible break-up by any means.. It's supposed to be more of a break.. If I go NC too long she is very strong minded and she will assume I'm done for good. Maybe not enter the friend zone completely but let her know I'm still here.
Mad Max Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 It is possible, but the only way there's a chance of that happening is if you go NC. If you can get them to chase you from that point on, you can still turn it into a relationship.
thatsonlyme Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Once upon a time I was in love with a friend of mine. I told her how I felt and go nowhere. We had an awkward friendship for a while and never again was the subject broached. I think it is in very rare cases that people can go from being friends to romantic partners. Usually it's not worth risking the friendship. Check out this link. http://www.laddertheory.com/ Ladder theory basically says that women have two ladders on which they rank the men in their lives. One is the sex ladder and one is the friend ladder. You can go from the sex ladder to the friend ladder, but if you try to jump from the friend ladder to the sex ladder you will fall into the abys, and lose both. It may not be a completely scientific theory, but I buy it. I'm not sure if this theory is correct. I was friends with my ex for about two months before we actually hooked up. Now after break up it may be different and she'll probably have her guard up so I don't think it may work second time.
Author Gt.ooh Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 (edited) I agree with these guys. It will seem counter intuitive. Just stop calling/facebooking/texting. I don't know if total NC is the best way though, just play it as cool as you can. If she calls, call her back an hour later. If she texts, text her back the next day. Be cordial, but don't be a doormat. Don't initiate contact though. I think this is a good idea for my situation. In the beginning I wasn't cool and calm resulting in a complete push-away. I've smartened up and changed my ways. I keep it short and to the point now, bc I do have to check in now and then with condo issues.. No I love you, miss you etc etc, like I was in the beginning. I just sent one email asking (after a week NC) how things are going, and how the guinea pig is we had just bought, and if any of the condo issues have been resolved. And that's it pretty much word for word. 3 short to the point Q's, and by email so doesn't matter if I get an answer in 1 day or 5. I think friends depends on the girl too... all girls seem to have a different take on what friends may mean after a low key break-up...We never really fought, said anything rude, or snarled. I left reluctantly, but nothing over the top like "hate" towards one another... Edited October 9, 2010 by Gt.ooh
Author Gt.ooh Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Agreed, keep busy busy. Let the furniture i bought, and bed I bought do the talking. I spent 1000 bucks like a week and a half before we broke up... I had no use for it goin back to my parents place for now, so I left it. After all I have done for her just have to let the time pass. Right now there's a bad taste in her mouth from needy/clingyness... month - few months down the road it can only get better one way or another.
Trovador Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 There is a fine line dividing a bit of distancing and rudeness... If you are not going to call or text back better go full NC, because while you are playing games çyour ex, fed up with your childish behavior, will look for (and find) a real man who won't hide behind a phone... I know that too well...
Author Gt.ooh Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 I'm not playing games...She wanted a break and turned into a break-up because of my needyness etc..I have to go almost full NC to better her space and mine as well...It wasn't a bad ordeal at all.
Trovador Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Well, sorry if that "you" on my post sounded directed to you, OP, I was referring to the "general public", so to speak... but what I said is true, sad, but true: while "you" are suffering at home, expecting a call which never will arrive, your ex is having fun with other men... that's the beauty of NC, it will protect you from those hurts... I hope some space between you and your ex will improve your chances. Good luck!
Author Gt.ooh Posted October 10, 2010 Author Posted October 10, 2010 (edited) Thanks. I'm just going to play it over in my head that she's not with other men..just a bad bad thought. I know she's not like the sleeping around type. Not ruling out a fling maybe..but she doesn't sleep around. She was on control pills with me and she doesn't like protection and she ran out when we broke up...so she'd be playing a very fine line game and flirting with danger. But I won't go there anymore... I will say eventually if I found out that was the case..I would go full NC and not look back and concentrate on my fooling around....As for now I have no reason to believe that's the case, as she is full time dental school which is 11 courses in one semester. I know it may not be true, but I can't think it at all even before/during NC. Edited October 10, 2010 by Gt.ooh
Recommended Posts