Everyone is getting engaged...and I want that too!

[lovestruck818]

:::Sigh::: So, I've known my boyfriend for 15 years (which is more than half my life), but we have only been together for 2 months. I feel a deep attraction to him and him to me. I haven't told him I love him yet b/c I don't know if I do yet, but I know I have a deep connection with him and I know that I am falling for him very strongly and quickly...and that one day soon I will love him.

 

Everyone around us is getting engaged. I know that it isn't a race and that I shouldn't want to get engaged just for the sake of getting engaged, but I also feel a part of me doesn't want to first get married @ 31 or 32. (I will be 29 next month and i feel if I don't get married until 31, I will feel rushed to have kids and i would like to be able to wait a few years for kids, but I also don't want to be like 35 when I have my first kid).

 

I do think getting engaged @ 2 months is crazy, but I don't know that if I have known him for 15 years, it's as crazy. I have known him since 7th grade. I also do feel you shouldn't get engaged to someone if you don't love them, but I know one day I will love him and I do feel if were engaged the attraction would become stronger and more intense (of course there is always the possibility it can go the other way as well).

 

I just feel like I have been waiting and waiting and have dated jerk after jerk and now I have a good one and I can really see myself being with him for the long term.

 

I don't really know what I'm looking for here from you people, I guess it's just an inner battle in my head. Would appreciate some thoughts and maybe if someone has a similar feeling/scenario. Thanks

[Stung]

No matter how long you've known him peripherally, getting engaged after only being romantic for two months seems crazy to me, especially when you admit you don't know if you love him yet. Girl, you very much need to slow your roll and think about your priorities. It's wonderful that you are entering a new phase in your long acquaintance with this guy, try to just enjoy it for a little while without putting so much intense pressure on yourself and him--pressure is a relationship killer.

 

Life happens the way it happens, on it's own time table. There's nothing wrong with marrying at thirty or later. I know plenty of women who married at different times in their thirties, my friends just started to have their big baby boom when they were 35+. I had my son when I was 33 and he is healthy and beautiful and the light of our lives, but I am actually grateful I did not have him earlier in life when I had less patience/money/self-discipline/wisdom than I have now, and doubly grateful that I did not have children with my previous boyfriends/fiance, none of whom were the right man for me. The right man is a really important part of the equation you are looking for.

[lovestruck818]

He told me he loved me this weekend and I did say it back...and I meant it.

 

Now what?

[Stung]

Hey, that's great. Congratulations!

 

Now, you sit back and enjoy. You are young (even if you don't feel like it) and in love, in the first blush of a new romance.

 

Don't let pressure mount in your head, you could drive yourself crazy. You are still in the getting-to-know-you phase, the honeymoon phase. Spend time with him, share experiences with him. Go on dates, take classes together, cook together, go hiking, whatever. Do things to let him know you appreciate him, and hopefully he will do things to let you know he appreciates you.

 

Wait at least a year before you start to think about timetables, please. IMO, it is not really fair to him if you can't try to relax so both of you can just enjoy where you're at, for now, and go about the business of letting your love grow naturally, without forcing it.

[sb129]

Don't rush LS- ESP because "everyone else is doing it".

 

I met H when I was 29 (literally, on my birthday), we got engaged on my 30th birthday, married when I was 31 and I had my first baby just before my 32nd birthday- I thought that was rushing things- its been fine, but the timeline has been pretty busy!