TLCbear Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and half years and I'm ending it today...at least that's the plan. I really don't want to end it, but have to, and I'm really confused right now. Thoughout the relationship (well, 6 months into the relationship) I have been having problems with him and cell phones, off and on...from naked pictures of other women, signing up for dating sites, texting, and getting a secret cell phone. This is will be my third time getting sooo close to ending it. The other two times, I decided to give the relationship another chance thinking he was going to change this behavior. I have tried discussing this with him in the past and we always end up arguing or he will just shut down and not say anything...so it's like talking to a brick wall. Things have been pretty good for the past 3 months, until I was talking to my daugther and she told me that when I go to sleep, he's in the living room on a cell phone. My heart dropped, however, I wasn't surprised, I guess I knew the cycle would repeat itself sooner or later. Anyway, a couple of days ago, I find a cell phone charger, plugged behind my sofa and there was my answer. We both had cell phones in the beginning of the relationship, but once my cell phone became expensive and I chose getting my home phone back instead, (and he broke his in a heat of an argument) we both decided not get another. Yet and still, this is the second time I have find out he had another phone. I know I have overstayed in this relationship, but right now, it's so hard for me to let go. I was so sure of leaving a couple days ago, but when we went out yesterday, I started having conflicting feelings. Just what to hear from others who have been through something similiar. I wish he would change, but I know, that isn't reality. I'm so in denial, even after 2 and half years. Help me get my head on straight. Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks.
hellhathnofury Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Your problem is you've slowly convinced yourself you need him. You don't. If a person in our life devalues who we are and what we stand for, disrespects us enough to lie to us, and expect to get away with it, then they're of less worth and value than we thought. He's using you. You are a side issue, an also-have, an option. It's up to you, but as is said so many times, when you should be a priority, but you're used as an option, it's time to re-evaluate just what you think of yourself, to permit yourself to carry on being used in this way. If you're happy to obviously be considered not good enough to be devoted to - then let sleeping dogs lie. If not - then ask yourself what you're so scared of? Think you'll fall apart and crumble into dust if you get rid of him? I don't think so. You've brought a child up which is the hardest job in the world. Kicking a lying moron to the kerb should be a piece of cake. Shouldn't it?
Author TLCbear Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Thanks for your reply. First I would like to say it's not about needing him because I know I don't need him. I guess I just didn't want to give up on the relationship...I wasn't ready to give up, hoping maybe things would get better and he would improve. Denial is a crazy thing. What I'm scared of? Lol, starting over. I don't like starting over. Also not seeing us not together, being together that long, you get pretty comfortable. I'm doing pretty good so far, he has called 4 times this morning and I haven't answered the phone. As you can see, I haven't said anything to him about breaking up, I'm just going straight to NC, he doesn't deserve a one on one break up talk and besides I warned him before about what I would do. So once he figures it out, it shouldn't be a surprise to him.
Don Ho Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Sista, two words: bail out. He's treating you like an option, not a priority. You can break it off now or wait until you find him with some slut. Which would feel better? I would say it's better to cut off your toe now than your foot later. You are in denial. I wouldn't tolerate that behavior for five minutes. They want to play the field and "shop" around? I'd tell them "Good. Have a nice life doing that by yourself". Believe me, a cheater is a liar and often a liar is a cheater. By saying you don't want to "start over" you're saying that you ARE dependent on him and therefore you do NEED him. You are in denial on that point. I wouldn't tolerate that BS. Move on. BTW, I would have an in person conversation and tell him why you are done and that it is permanent. Refuse to hear his reasons, excuses and apologies. He won't change. Good luck. Oh, read my signature about ten times.
Author TLCbear Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Thanks for your reply. You are right, I am in denial and still thinking there is hope, but that's the heart. Whoever said "go with (or follow) your heart" is died wrong, lol. The truth is go with your mind...it's more powerful and tend to led you in the right direction. As far as needing him, I disagree, but hey, I'm on the inside looking out and don't see what you see. It just that I know what's out there...that's why I don't want to start over. It's full of too many games and BS and I don't feel like going through the same ole "getting to know" stage...but eventually I know will jump back into this pool. Right now, I'm just trying to take one day at a time and focus on me.
hellhathnofury Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 Thanks for your reply. First I would like to say it's not about needing him because I know I don't need him. I guess I just didn't want to give up on the relationship...I wasn't ready to give up, hoping maybe things would get better and he would improve. Denial is a crazy thing. What I'm scared of? Lol, starting over. I don't like starting over. Also not seeing us not together, being together that long, you get pretty comfortable. I'm doing pretty good so far, he has called 4 times this morning and I haven't answered the phone. As you can see, I haven't said anything to him about breaking up, I'm just going straight to NC, he doesn't deserve a one on one break up talk and besides I warned him before about what I would do. So once he figures it out, it shouldn't be a surprise to him. Who says you have to start over? Men. Who needs em? Don't go dating, don't go looking. Be unavailable,. Sooner or later, they come looking for you. Trust me. The less you seek the more you find. And as somebody sought-after, you'll hold the trump card. The trump card is - "Prove you deserve me".
Author TLCbear Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Thanks for saying that, something I needed to hear. I'm just taking one step at a time and focusing on me.
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