mlaw Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I made my 2year boyfriend move out Because his lies were getting so bad All the time. Now he has been begging To come back..seeing a doctor plus wants Us to go to therapy. I agreed. I went to his New place this weekend..and found out that He had moved in a single girl from his work To the basement apartment in his house. He never asked, discussed or even told Me about it until after I was there and had Been for a few hours. He says she needed A place to go..and yes he should have asked Me first..but isn't that a huge ommission? When I am supposed to be his priority? I feel humiliated.
unappreciated Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Ok try not to get offended but I going to be honest with you. I think that a lot of women have this issue of feeling entitled. If you asked him to move out because you were tired of his lies etc...then what do you feel you should be entitled to? Asking him to move out was basically the same as breaking up with him. What does moving out solve other than proving that you dont want to be with him? With that said, I dont think he had any obligation to telling you about the new rommmate. It is his house and in his mind he probably thinks you two have no commitment to eachother on that level. Basically what I am saying is that once you asked him to move out, you lost the right to know his business, and who lives at his house is his business. Look at it this way, at least he had her move into the basement away from the rest of the house. Where they each have their personal space and its less like they are livin together. I dont know your relationship and what hes has done worng but at least he is willing to put in a lot of effort to fix things but even then some guys will do things like that just to help them lie. Like I said I dont know enough to say its one or the other but in any relationship asking someone to move out is basically breaking up weather you guys continue talking, having sex, etc... With that said, and this goes for any woman, If you continue sleeping with a guy after you have broken up, you are setting yourself up to be hurt. That situation is great for a guy because in his mind there are no obligations and he gets regular sex and variety. Dont do it unless you are in the same frame of mind.
Woman In Blue Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Ok try not to get offended but I going to be honest with you. I think that a lot of women have this issue of feeling entitled. If you asked him to move out because you were tired of his lies etc...then what do you feel you should be entitled to? Oh I don't know. Maybe some HONESTY for a change? He's the one begging HER to let him back into her life. He's the one begging HER to go to therapy because of HIS shi*tty behavior. Funny how the wounded party always has to go to therapy for someone else's crappy behavior, isn't it? But that's a story for another day. She's not acting "entitled" at all. He's been telling her he wants to reconcile and in order to do that, he KNOWS he's supposed to quit disrespecting her and start being HONEST. Not only is he STILL bold-faced lying to her, but he's now moved a girl into his home - and into the mix. I don't see ANY 'self entitlement' on the OP's behalf at all. I simply see her, ONCE AGAIN, being disrespected and treated like crap by someone who wouldn't know the truth if it were shoved up his ass with a shoe horn. You know what, MLaw? Your boyfriend is a liar. It seems to be ALL he knows. Lying, covering up, lying, sleazy behavior, covering up some more, and throwing in a couple extra lies to boot. Basically what I am saying is that once you asked him to move out, you lost the right to know his business, and who lives at his house is his business. And then he MADE it her business once more when he came crawling back, BEGGING her for another chance and asking her to go to therapy with him, with the supposition that they were trying to reconcile. I dont know your relationship and what hes has done worng but at least he is willing to put in a lot of effort to fix things but even then some guys will do things like that just to help them lie. No offense, but I'm going to assume you're very young and very naive. The guy has a HISTORY of lying to his girlfriend. It got bad enough that she had to kick his sorry ass OUT because she refused to be played the fool for even one more day. He then contacts her and begs her to get back together with him, promising to get help for his issues, and asking her to join him in therapy to try to work it out. Of course MLaw is going to actually start hoping that this mess can be cleaned up and that a reconciliation is possible. Then he pulls THIS bullsh*t. So - exactly what "EFFORT" is he putting into reconciling with MLaw? I see just about ZERO effort. And what woman in her RIGHT MIND is going to accept their boyfriend moving a young woman into the lower half of his home - WITHOUT CONSULTING HER FIRST ABOUT IT - and think it's A-OK? Only a very young and dumb one, or a very naive one. MLaw, take it from an experienced adult, ok? His lying and deceit are pattern behavior. It's going to take a long, long time to break this habit and he's going to have to do alot of hard work in order to be successful. In the meantime, you're going to continue being hurt, insulted, embarrassed, humiliated, devastated and angered beyond compare because it's not going to just magically stop any time soon. I guess YOU have to decide if you're willing to risk your pride, integrity, and emotional and mental health for the next umpteen years until your ex-boyfriend finally get his sh*t together. If I were you, it wouldn't be worth the personal price tag to my OWN emotional and mental well-being, but that's just me. Good luck to you.
unappreciated Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I totally agree with you for the most part. I didnt want to say it but her byfriend sounds like a waste of time. If the lies and whatever else were bad enough to ask him to move out then it probably isnt worth trying to mend. I am only saying that, in general the step in a relationship removes those kinds of entitlements from both parties. Since he was trying fix things, I agree that she then had some entitlement to know those types of things, and if I were him I would have told her right away. However, I cant say that I think he should have to conslut her before hand but letting her know the situation, he should have done. I am young and very well could be considered nieve in some aspects but I know that moving out to a guy is basically freedom if you wanna look at it like that. It sounds to me like the ony reason he is beggin for her back is because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Women and men think totally differently. So to save her self trouble and pain, any woman should consider what a situation means to a guy and clarify her needs or wants. The same goes for a man as well.
Author mlaw Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Thankyou for your replies. I think that he 100 percent Should have discussed this girl moving in to his house The only reason he is not living with me is because of His constant lies. Many of which involved women. Then he Swears to never lie again and go to therapy. That all he Wants is to fix what he has done and get back together. So this is his moment to save the relationship. And he chooses Some girl who needs a place to live over US again. I don't think I should even bother with the therapy with him Now. This was a huge decision he made. And of course the Fact that he is a liar. I am going to always wonder what is Going on in that house. Now to top things off he had her Email me to say that she has no interest in him and he just Forgot to tell me. So already he is confiding in her about my Feelings. It's not her business. He has already shown her more Respect than he does me.
unappreciated Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Thats pretty much what I was getting at with the whole therapy thing> To me, when a guy says he will go to therapy after lieing, cheating, etc...it is a red flag. Therapy is better for a relationship when there is more of a mutual problem. Therapy is not gonna fix his lies but a swift kick in the ass may help. I guess what I have really been trying to say is,if you kicked him out why do you care? I know it was a long relationship but it sounds to me that it was never really the greatest. I dont mean for that to sound rude either. I know that women have a harder time letting go even if the guy never treated them very good. My advice is to forget about it, about him, and have fun find someone else or whatever you wanna do. Dont waste your time even posting things on here about him, although I know it can be more like venting then anything. Another thing you could do is put him through some hell...Make him go to therapy, lead him on and tell him you doesnt get any action until he is a changed man. Then you cant post all the funny stories on here for everyone to read. That would be funny.
that girl Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 I am young and very well could be considered nieve in some aspects but I know that moving out to a guy is basically freedom if you wanna look at it like that. It sounds to me like the ony reason he is beggin for her back is because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Women and men think totally differently. So to save her self trouble and pain, any woman should consider what a situation means to a guy and clarify her needs or wants. The same goes for a man as well. You are making this about gender when it isn't about gender. If you broke up with a girlfriend and she immediately moved in with a male friend, didn't tell you about it and then tried to get back together with you, wouldn't it raise a red flag? MLaw- I think it is time to move on. He can't lie to you and try to work on his lying at the same time. He is unlikely to change with you, but you should encourage him to go to therapy on his own while you move on.
Star Gazer Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 If you broke up with a girlfriend and she immediately moved in with a male friend, didn't tell you about it and then tried to get back together with you, wouldn't it raise a red flag? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the OP, but it sounds like he's renting out his basement apartment to her, as in, a separate living space. They're not living together...?
that girl Posted October 10, 2010 Posted October 10, 2010 Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the OP, but it sounds like he's renting out his basement apartment to her, as in, a separate living space. They're not living together...? Oh you're right, I didn't catch that. She does say it is a specific apartment. But I have to say if he has a history of lying, not mentioning his new tenant until she was at his place makes me think he is still lying. It doesn't mean anything has happened, just that he isn't reliably truthful.
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