LoveTNT Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I'm feeling so hurt and I miss him. I keep thinking about his email that I didn't reply to. I don't want him to think I don't care. I've been nc for a month. These past couple of days I've been crying more. Now atleast I can stay focused when I'm in class but on the drive home at night I've been crying, I mean crying. I pray and I'm trying to understand but I feel so sad and I miss him. His bday is coming up on the 16th and I am aiming to not contact him. I feel like I tried for the first month, but you can only do so much untill you have to grab ahold of yourself and keep moving forward, so I went NC strong. But now after 4 weeks of being strong I feel like I'm taking a step back. Anyhow, I'll stay NC, hopefully these tears run out soon. I'm going to go cry some more now. This is annoying..
Ajax Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I'm feeling so hurt and I miss him. I keep thinking about his email that I didn't reply to. I don't want him to think I don't care. I've been nc for a month. These past couple of days I've been crying more. Now atleast I can stay focused when I'm in class but on the drive home at night I've been crying, I mean crying. I pray and I'm trying to understand but I feel so sad and I miss him. His bday is coming up on the 16th and I am aiming to not contact him. I feel like I tried for the first month, but you can only do so much untill you have to grab ahold of yourself and keep moving forward, so I went NC strong. But now after 4 weeks of being strong I feel like I'm taking a step back. Anyhow, I'll stay NC, hopefully these tears run out soon. I'm going to go cry some more now. This is annoying.. Sorry you're hurting, Love. I think what you're going through is natural though. I've had 5 weeks of NC, and hadn't cried in weeks. But a few days ago I was thinking about the ex and just started crying again. I went in to see my psychologist and he said that's healthy. It doesn't mean you're not healing or moving forward, it just means you're still grieving. You can't rush the process. You're a human being and you have feelings, and when we hurt we cry. Some people (my ex included) supress their emotions and refuse to feel them. That's not healthy, and PREVENTS a person from healing past wounds. Pat yourself on the back for letting yourself feel them. You'll be much better for it in the future.
Div Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I always find the days you feel worse are a sign that things are going to feel much better the next day. The healing process certainly isn't linear.
Author LoveTNT Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 That's very sweet of you Ajax. That's exactly what I don't want to do, keep my feelings bottle up. I need to deal with it as it comes. It's crazy a couple of weeks ago I was like" interesting I don't feel like crying". Then bang! All of a sudden my heart gets heavy the memories begin to flashback, get angry, then sad, then mad that im even getting sad, then a song comes on that reminds ne of him, and how we used to sing together alot. Then the toxins start getting released and im crying.. Maybe it's also the weather, it's been raining in LA. What a bummer, I miss you M. Please don't think I don't care, I'm just trying to heal.
Ajax Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 That's very sweet of you Ajax. That's exactly what I don't want to do, keep my feelings bottle up. I need to deal with it as it comes. It's crazy a couple of weeks ago I was like" interesting I don't feel like crying". Then bang! All of a sudden my heart gets heavy the memories begin to flashback, get angry, then sad, then mad that im even getting sad, then a song comes on that reminds ne of him, and how we used to sing together alot. Then the toxins start getting released and im crying.. Maybe it's also the weather, it's been raining in LA. What a bummer, I miss you M. Please don't think I don't care, I'm just trying to heal. That's the natural way of things. We might feel like we're getting better and then a few weeks later we'll have a thought and get sucked right back down again. When I talked to the psychologist about getting over my ex he said I'll never be "over" her. He said I'll always have a spot in my heart for her, even decades down the line. He said I'll heal, and get over the breakup, and find new love just as strong, but that this relationship will always be with me. I actually liked the thought of that. I know what you mean though about songs reminding you of your ex. My ex and I joked that our song was "Hero" by Enrique. The very night she broke up with me and several times since, that song came on the radio. It's so old and never played anymore it made me wonder if God was playing it to torture me.
Author LoveTNT Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 That's the natural way of things. We might feel like we're getting better and then a few weeks later we'll have a thought and get sucked right back down again. When I talked to the psychologist about getting over my ex he said I'll never be "over" her. He said I'll always have a spot in my heart for her, even decades down the line. He said I'll heal, and get over the breakup, and find new love just as strong, but that this relationship will always be with me. I actually liked the thought of that. I know what you mean though about songs reminding you of your ex. My ex and I joked that our song was "Hero" by Enrique. The very night she broke up with me and several times since, that song came on the radio. It's so old and never played anymore it made me wonder if God was playing it to torture me. heh, no God wouldn't be torturing you. But it's interesting how anything and everything can remind you about your ex after a break up. The weirdest things too. You'll see a word that has all the letters of your ex name and you'll swear it was to torture you, but we do it to ourselves. I was going through some files the other day with clients info. I came across a number that had all the same numbers except like 2 were switched around, I was like, you gotta be kidding me! Stop thinking about him. :/ this week I found a flower cut off a bush and tucked in my windshield, of course I thought/ hoped it was him... But it's stupid wishful thinking. For all I know it was one of the little kids that live on my street or something. Haha-wawa :/ goodness gracious.. And the beat goes onnnnn, the heart beat that is...
Recommended Posts