Breaking NC..

[Gt.ooh]

I know there's a few of us out there that couldn't stand it any longer and had to make contact again with the ex...

How long did you wait?

How was the reaction/reply?

Share your stories, frustrations of being in the NC zone, and where you think it really gets you.

 

I've been NC for a week, and totally fine.. I need to give the space that she needed in the first place, as I have pushed her away. Our break went to a break up due to my "needyness", so for my own good.. and the good of us where ever we may end up I see it as a good thing to show I am strong.

 

However, my opinion depending on your break-up..(cheated on or just in general bad) I believe NC for a very very long time if not at all... My break-up was no real arguements, nothing bad said about one another she just wants space and time to think things through and see where we lye... so I believe in waiting for her to contact me, but after about 3 months of NC what are your thoughts? Do you see where you stand?? If the ex hasn't contacted you yet..I know lot of you will say then it means they don't want you anymore...but it could also mean that they're playing the same game. It's a toss up, more opinions and stories the better.

[Ajax]

If she broke up with you, it's up to her to break NC. If she doesn't it means she doesn't want to be with you. Sucks, but that's the way it is.

[9Lives]

sounds like she is fine with her decision to me. if she is strong enough to go three months and she broke up with you, you don't need to call her. if u do, you have put yoursef hell emotionally. the best thing to do is keep it moving. she knows your number

[Billie The Puppet]

I agree with Ajax, but I do think it's acceptable to break NC if indifference is reached and I mean true indifference or if a substancial amount of time has passed like years. ( Well there have been cases here where 6 months broke NC) however you must be able to accept rejection with either case.

[Jannah]

I know there's a few of us out there that couldn't stand it any longer and had to make contact again with the ex...

How long did you wait?

How was the reaction/reply?

Share your stories, frustrations of being in the NC zone, and where you think it really gets you.

 

I've been NC for a week, and totally fine.. I need to give the space that she needed in the first place, as I have pushed her away. Our break went to a break up due to my "needyness", so for my own good.. and the good of us where ever we may end up I see it as a good thing to show I am strong.

 

However, my opinion depending on your break-up..(cheated on or just in general bad) I believe NC for a very very long time if not at all... My break-up was no real arguements, nothing bad said about one another she just wants space and time to think things through and see where we lye... so I believe in waiting for her to contact me, but after about 3 months of NC what are your thoughts? Do you see where you stand?? If the ex hasn't contacted you yet..I know lot of you will say then it means they don't want you anymore...but it could also mean that they're playing the same game. It's a toss up, more opinions and stories the better.

 

The responses you will most likely receive is blanket advice.

 

You have to always consider the dynamics of the relationship, its length, the core of the matter with regard to breaking up, etc.

 

You state it was because you are needy... If you were over protective towards her, then she most likely wants to feel as though she knows you can trust her with certain things. You need to know “why” first before you can start looking for a solution. Then you can start approaching things from a different perspective, if not this relationship, then the next one.

[Gt.ooh]

The responses you will most likely receive is blanket advice.

 

You have to always consider the dynamics of the relationship, its length, the core of the matter with regard to breaking up, etc.

 

You state it was because you are needy... If you were over protective towards her, then she most likely wants to feel as though she knows you can trust her with certain things. You need to know “why” first before you can start looking for a solution. Then you can start approaching things from a different perspective, if not this relationship, then the next one.

 

We had been together for a year. First seven months we lived in BC with either of our parents.. she had school setup in Toronto before she met me. Long story short she said if she met me before deciding to gt Toronto she wouldn't have left, 2 month into her leaving I moved out there to be with her. We lived together for 5 months before she wanted this break.

 

Jannah u nailed it, I was definately over-protective not totally obssessive. She I would say definitely felt trapped. I know she is not the type to just go out a get a new guy right away... She's full time school and no car. So trying to start a new relationship wouldn't make sense. Not saying she couldn't get a fling... she is definately very strong minded and knows what she wants. I never looked at it in the sense that if I can't trust her or for that matter show her I can allow her freedom as everyone is entitled to..then she'll resent me. Good advice, NC it remains.

 

Keep the posts coming!

[Capthxc]

I'm in a similar situation. Left me cuz im over protective, went straight to NC with no real indication of her wanting that besides her telling me she needed space before the break up. It's been almost 4 weeks now, i still feel pretty terrible, and i have an e-mail written up that i really want to send, but i know if i break it now its just going to show that im still weak and dependent on her. I'd like to think that there isnt someone else right now, but the little bit of research i've done proves otherwise. Havent been able to check her facebook or anything because i made a smart move in taking her off right after the break up. Just feels like our relationship and everything we had will be in vain because she just forgot and doesnt care anymore.

 

But i guess i have to look at it as it didnt mean as much to her as i thought it did if she doesnt contact me again, that she didnt care as much as she said she did, which will make it easier to heal in time.

[Gt.ooh]

Capthx... I'd say the hardest thing about the NC thing is not knowing.. but Jannah is right... Us guys have to show our girls they can be trusted, and if they end up with someone there's nothing we can do. NC or not.. Since we're in the situation now, I treated her well never said anything rude, or threatning... We have to respect their space as it's the only option we are left with. Once they miss us, or realize someone else won't treat them like we did (we just had over-protective issues, and we must address them head on) we are definitely not perfect, they should come to realization and it will make for a much stronger bond.

 

In your situation, I'd say 4 weeks should be long enough to just send a quick "hey, how's life treating you, just thought I'd say hi." wait for a response..see the reaction. If no response then go for 2 months more. 3 months I'd say would be a long enough time for make or break. If no contact up to three months...I think most would agree that it's definitely over..

[Ajax]

I'm sure it does depend on the situation. I'm 5 weeks of NC, and I have no intention of ever breaking it. Sure I've thought about it, but in my situation no good would come of it.

 

I still love my ex to pieces. Want her back in my life. But I told her I'd leave her alone and that she could call me when she was ready. I think after five weeks it's safe to say she doesn't want me in her life. I don't like it, but I'll respect it.

[Capthxc]

Well there were a few other issues in the relationship. I mean, i never really treated her bad. She always told me i was the sweetest guy she had ever been with, and gave her things no one else really ever gave her, like holding hands and cuddling, and the obvious sweet words to her and the i love yous every night before bed. I just got mad over the littlest things, and since we ended up being long distance, it was very hard for me to cope with who she was going out with, and how she dealt with people. She had a very flirty personality. My previous relationship left me with some real bad scars, and she really helped me heal them up. Our break up wasnt really smooth, at first i wasnt very accepting of it and i flung into desperation mode, but it wasnt too bad, and we got to say our goodbyes and she wished me well. It's just that i tried to tell her i didnt want to cut off contact with her completely the next day, and i havent heard anything from her since. The second e-mail i have written up and drafted doesnt have any emotional ties to it. It's pretty much just a thank you letter, something i feel she deserves since i never really got to thank her for the things she did for me in the past.

 

 

But i agree. Even if she is with someone else there isnt anything i can do about it but accept it and work on my issues. The thing is, the guy i think she rebounded too isnt really her type. She's more of an independent alterative girl, and hes your stereotypical country boy that goes out to the rodeo and loves to hunt and fish. All i can do is cling to the little bit of hope that i have left that our relationship was as meaningful to her as it was to me. After all, she was much more into me at the start of the relationship than i was with her. But I became very dependent on her, i think once she sees that i've broken that dependence and become more confident in myself she will come back around. Maybe not for a second chance, but she was also a good friend of mine before the relationship, and i dont want to lose a good friend over something like this.

[health]

Do not break no contact ever. Okay - do it and face whatever consequences!

 

With girl for 5 years +, she jumps into new relationship 3 days later - that hurt. She kept calling me like crazy for the next ten months - I talked to here off and on for 4 months in - then no contact. I've been no contact for almost 1 year and a half.

 

Recently, I break it - to say I've healed and wished her happiness.

 

She must have told her new man to stir some drama -

Her violent new boyfriend threatened me - I laughed it off and didn't reply to the uneducated, alcoholic, unemployed, clown.

 

She was confused at first, and wondered why I contacted her. I told her just to say peace to you that's it - this is all over email.

 

She says she doesn't feel it's right she talks to me this moment cause her new man is pissed off and angry.

 

I didn't care.

 

Then it hurt, cause I felt what we had was so pure and lovely and now she is in this violent crap.

 

He got mad at me - while when she was my girl I let her talk to him - I had faith and trust and eventually - I got angry left her cause I felt she was having an emotional affair - and three days later she hooks up with him.

 

It's funny, cause I told him in the beggining I didn't know she could leave for another guy - but now You know that! Ha Ha - from whatI heard he is super over protective and they never go out - he knows she is untrustworthy! LMAO

 

It's fine, just lately I've been clearing it out. I will never contact her again. I deserve way better than that.

 

Moral from what I understand? Don't break no contact.

Edited October 8, 2010 by health

[Capthxc]

Really it depends on the situation. No contact shouldnt be some sort of guideline that one has to follow. It's simply giving someone and yourself the space thats needed after a break up. Whether or not it was their fault or yours. It's not your fault that shes with someone who is overprotective. Even in my case i wouldnt go to such extremes. I knew she was talking to someone who was jealous of our relationship, someone who spoke pretty ill towards me when they talked, and while i wasnt too fond of the guy, i never threatened him or her because of it. Can't blame the situation on yourself. You wanted to give yourself closure and a peace of mind and that's exactly what you did. If anything you should be proud of the fact that you were able to keep it together for so long and still keep a positive outlook on it after the situation escalated. I've seen too many stories of people that cant even hold it together for a few days at a time.

[boltsfan17]

I think it all depends on the situation. My ex broke up with me because she started losing her feelings for me. I got too comfortable in the relationship, didn't put the effort like I did the first year, and wasn't giving her the attention she wanted. Of course I didn't realize any of that because I was being stubborn when she told me she wasn't happy.

 

I broke NC after a month to try and reconcile the relationship. Luckily she gave me another chance and things have been great since.

 

I don't always believe that if your ex doesn't break NC, they don't want to be with you. People are stubborn sometimes.

 

Since every situation is different, I believe that telling someone to never break NC is not always the best advice. In some situations you shouldn't break NC. I just think that it all depends on the reasons for the break up, if you want to reconcile, etc.

[Billie The Puppet]

I think it all depends on the situation. My ex broke up with me because she started losing her feelings for me. I got too comfortable in the relationship, didn't put the effort like I did the first year, and wasn't giving her the attention she wanted. Of course I didn't realize any of that because I was being stubborn when she told me she wasn't happy.

 

I broke NC after a month to try and reconcile the relationship. Luckily she gave me another chance and things have been great since.

 

I don't always believe that if your ex doesn't break NC, they don't want to be with you. People are stubborn sometimes.

 

Since every situation is different, I believe that telling someone to never break NC is not always the best advice. In some situations you shouldn't break NC. I just think that it all depends on the reasons for the break up, if you want to reconcile, etc.

 

Those same reasons apply to me, I know my ex is stubborn, but it is still not up to me to break NC unless I am ready for rejection, your case worked out but where you ready for rejection had it not? Had it not it would have just made you look needy etc piling onto of the break up giving her more reason to not want to get back with you. You used NC as a game and followed it to a T like most e-books would say. Break it at one month. It just so happened to work for you. I hope the issues where addressed.

[boltsfan17]

Those same reasons apply to me, I know my ex is stubborn, but it is still not up to me to break NC unless I am ready for rejection, your case worked out but where you ready for rejection had it not? Had it not it would have just made you look needy etc piling onto of the break up giving her more reason to not want to get back with you. You used NC as a game and followed it to a T like most e-books would say. Break it at one month. It just so happened to work for you. I hope the issues where addressed.

 

I wasn't using NC as a game. I did it because I did the typical mistakes after the break up, begging, etc and I pushed her away. We were broken up for months, but did have limited contact. When I started begging and doing everything you shouldn't do, she got mad and stopped talking to me. After getting my head on straight, I knew I needed to give her space. I just figured a month not knowing if it was long enough or not. I honestly wasn't thinking about if I was ready for rejection or not. Luckily in my case that didn't happen.

[Gt.ooh]

Yea, I'm not playing a game. I'm like most of you here.. pushed to much too fast, too soon = angry g/f... I too have smartened up, and putting my head straight.

 

She had an ex bf before me who I made her get a restraining order against cause he was beyond obssesive... waited at her house, went to her work, none stop FB msgs and emails. threatened me.... So long story short, she wanted a break, I didn't give it to her and she changed her number, and froze FB (which is probably better...much easier when no ones' posting what the did for the day). I sent a few txts nothing over the top, but they were beggy/needy ones, so nothing new. I believe she was partly protecting me from having a very bad fate, and partly thinkin about how the ex before ended up. None the less wake up call to go NC..(I can email still)

 

She comes out in a month from toronto to visit her family(and that will be a month NC)...before I pushed a little too much she said we could meet for coffee when she was in town. Now I'm leaving her alone (never given her more than 8 days to herself), and not sure if I should break NC closer to her trip, or leave it.

 

NC should definately remain no contact if it was a bad break-up or anything to do with cheating.

 

My situation is sounding very similar to cape's by the post.. I too got mad a stupid a$$ little things. Frankly I'm quite glad for the break, because the way I was headed it was doomed no if and or buts about it. I've truly realized all the dumb little things. If I ended up meeting her for coffee, I wouldn't bring up getting back together at all. Just see her, check on each other at let her know I'm here, but on the level she wants.

Edited October 8, 2010 by Gt.ooh

[Billie The Puppet]

I wasn't using NC as a game. I did it because I did the typical mistakes after the break up, begging, etc and I pushed her away. We were broken up for months, but did have limited contact. When I started begging and doing everything you shouldn't do, she got mad and stopped talking to me. After getting my head on straight, I knew I needed to give her space. I just figured a month not knowing if it was long enough or not. I honestly wasn't thinking about if I was ready for rejection or not. Luckily in my case that didn't happen.

 

All this sounds all to familiar with the exception of breaking NC and reconciling.

 

My ex claims I treated her every way I girl should be treated, that she loves me but is unsure if she is in love and never really was single. All classic lines.

 

I see it as Actions > words. I was given the soft let down. I found an email and made an accusation that lead to our break up though she says that had nothing to do with it.

 

I can't break NC as I feel I'll be rejected again and just as much as I am doing NC she is as well. I misread signals during LC and pushed her away further.

 

Tomorrow marks the beginning of week 6 for me. It's also a pride thing now. I do have my urges to break NC but fear what's to come of it. Your reply fear was not even on the mind.

 

My ex has done weird things like wear a necklace (key to my heart necklace and post it on facebook,) I gave her at breifly makes it a profile picture, bought tickets to the same event as me. Then goes on an boasts how much she loves life in her online statuses which all seem to be a direct hit or hint towards me but that I chalk up to my minds natural tendency to overanalyze.

 

I love her and want her back still and in a couple of weeks we will be 3 months broken up and by then 2 months nc as I was LC fir the first month.

 

Basically my point about breaking NC and you made it somewhat yours is if you don't think about it as breaking NC, the fear of rejection etc. Basically you were somewhat indifferent.

 

How dud you reconcile give us your story from the moment you broke NC.

[Gt.ooh]

Yea, the NC thing after a month of LC and pushing her away is needed. Doing the FB thing to you after all this is just like you said...your mind tries to overanalyse it.

 

I too am curious about you breaking NC after a month...It will be a good indicator for me because like I said my ex comes out in a month to the west coast. I definitely don't want my NC get to the point of total moving on. If I leave it for too long I know she'll just move on and that's that.. She said she wanted to be friends and nothing more at the beginning, all the while pushing her away and being needy/desperate.

 

I feel I'll go the month NC, and it'll be a good indicator. Not going to declare my love, and I miss you etc etc. More or less play it cool and show her I can respect her space, and let her decide if she wants to move to LC...Then again u were broken up for months and then did one month NC..

Edited October 8, 2010 by Gt.ooh

[Billie The Puppet]

I don't want to reset my NC clock so I won't be breaking it unless she contacts me with something real. Not how are you doing ? Not I miss you? But I made a mistake can we work on us as a couple. Or a natural run in in which I'll fake indifference keep it short and go.

 

As for FB it's a NC killer and I check it despite what others have told me not too but I can only see profile album and basic info. No wall etc. I check it because I politely asked her to remove traces of me and that's when she said she had enough of this **** and we both went NC. I'm trying to move on and have in many areas of life but have figured out I'm not ready to date so it's the single life for me for now.

[Ajax]

I don't want to reset my NC clock so I won't be breaking it unless she contacts me with something real. Not how are you doing ?

 

Guys I have to admit that I'm weakening on this. She hasn't broken NC, and neither have I so far... unless you count checking Facebook. It's been 5 weeks and I was seriously close to texting "I miss you." I know I'm not going to get the response I want, but I'm soooo curious as to whether or not she even thinks about me.

[Gt.ooh]

We are all in the same boat unfortunately. Ajax... 5 weeks I don't know your story completely; however, I'd say it wouldn't hurt to just say "hi, how are you." something along those lines... 5 weeks is quite a long time as we know going from 100+ txts a day to nothing. Avoid anything like I miss you or anything like that.. My opinion it's just a way of saying I'm still here. You'll know quite soon if she's thinking of you or not and to be honest I'd like to know that after a month.. give you piece of mind to move on further and faster if she doesn't give a hoot... or depending on what she says she might be thinking of you and play your cool, go back to NC.. at least then u know it's working for the better. and if nothing or a bad response then to me u can NC it again and move onward in your own time.

[Billie The Puppet]

Guys I have to admit that I'm weakening on this. She hasn't broken NC, and neither have I so far... unless you count checking Facebook. It's been 5 weeks and I was seriously close to texting "I miss you." I know I'm not going to get the response I want, but I'm soooo curious as to whether or not she even thinks about me.

 

We have so many similarities it scares me, Those thoughts surface with me too. I do have my urges but I am using NC as a new game and I am competitve by nature. I must reach the high score. Ha ha. Seriously though you and I have been preaching I can't lose my preaching buddy now! I'll give you my cell number put it in place of your ex so you can get the gratification of sending it but it won't get to her rather me instead lol. You believe it or not have sort of been my backbone seeing we are running the same clock. I would urge you not to break it right now. 5 weeks seems like an eternity but it really isn't that long. (Tomorrow I am starting week 6) I'll always break NC in terms of checking MSN statuses and FB as one day those will reveal what I need them to for me to hit rock bottom, funny though because NC she won't know if I do or not. As far as she knows I dont even look at them because I haven't fallen for bait statuses etc. Does checking that prevent me from moving on only relationship wise yes but at the moment I don't care for another relationship other aspects of life have been going great since the BU. Its the little hope those pages give me thats helped me stay strong to no communication with the ex. Sure the day it makes me hit rock bottom will be a downer but it may be just what I'll need in the future.

 

We are all in the same boat unfortunately. Ajax... 5 weeks I don't know your story completely; however, I'd say it wouldn't hurt to just say "hi, how are you." something along those lines... 5 weeks is quite a long time as we know going from 100+ txts a day to nothing. Avoid anything like I miss you or anything like that.. My opinion it's just a way of saying I'm still here. You'll know quite soon if she's thinking of you or not and to be honest I'd like to know that after a month.. give you piece of mind to move on further and faster if she doesn't give a hoot... or depending on what she says she might be thinking of you and play your cool, go back to NC.. at least then u know it's working for the better. and if nothing or a bad response then to me u can NC it again and move onward in your own time.

 

That's tough too though. A reply like good thanks and it puts him back into LC and back to square one and not even anywhere near what he wants as in reconciliation. A No Reply will equal the last 5 weeks but worse because he made contact and let the overanalyzing begin. The slim chance that a dumpee makes break NC and a reconciliation is not worth it at this point because not enough time has passed emotionally. Indifference has to be reached for a dumpee to break NC.

Edited October 8, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[Ajax]

We have so many similarities it scares me, Those thoughts surface with me too. I do have my urges but I am using NC as a new game and I am competitve by nature. I must reach the high score. Ha ha. Seriously though you and I have been preaching I can't lose my preaching buddy now! I'll give you my cell number put it in place of your ex so you can get the gratification of sending it but it won't get to her rather me instead lol. You believe it or not have sort of been my backbone seeing we are running the same clock. I would urge you not to break it right now. 5 weeks seems like an eternity but it really isn't that long. (Tomorrow I am starting week 6) I'll always break NC in terms of checking MSN statuses and FB as one day those will reveal what I need them to for me to hit rock bottom, funny though because NC she won't know if I do or not. As far as she knows I dont even look at them because I haven't fallen for bait statuses etc. Does checking that prevent me from moving on only relationship wise yes but at the moment I don't care for another relationship other aspects of life have been going great since the BU. Its the little hope those pages give me thats helped me stay strong to no communication with the ex. Sure the day it makes me hit rock bottom will be a downer but it may be just what I'll need in the future.

 

 

 

 

I'm not going to break it quite yet. Her cousin (my friend) who introduced us is seeing her family and maybe her this weekend. I'll at least wait and see if he has an update. That might inform my decision.

 

But per my thread, I'm starting to look back and see the red flags that may mean some sort of mental or emotional disorder. She cuts connections to people so easily, even people besides me. I'm afraid that she's detached herself from the relationship as soon as she dumped me. Like She never knew me.

 

And I've been following you too Billie. We're going through similar stages.

[Gt.ooh]

Well, I don't have FB or number anymore. Just email. If you guys didn't have FB helping you along the NC route..

I think that you guys would have contacted the ex after a month -month and half.

 

I truly believe that we all on here want reconciliation(including me), you do not look like a fool contacting. In my mind you will learn a lot more about all the questions rolling around in our heads. The longer you go the much less chance I think of having any idea of what's to come in the future.. Correct me if I'm wrong.. but we've said over and over it depends on your situation.

That being said the longer you go the more of a game it becomes between you and the ex. "high score"...NC is about the healing of yourself, and TIME for the ex to have thoughts and reflection. Disappearing for the long long haul, will in fact make you "disappear." If we don't put ourselves back out there to get an idea of what's happening, the ex's will have shown they can do NC too, but we're the ones with a million questions in our heads.

Why not get some answers to those questions before you mean nothing? A month is not long, but long enough to think..1+ months of nothing and it becomes a memory.

[Billie The Puppet]

Well, I don't have FB or number anymore. Just email. If you guys didn't have FB helping you along the NC route..

I think that you guys would have contacted the ex after a month -month and half.

 

I truly believe that we all on here want reconciliation(including me), you do not look like a fool contacting. In my mind you will learn a lot more about all the questions rolling around in our heads. The longer you go the much less chance I think of having any idea of what's to come in the future.. Correct me if I'm wrong.. but we've said over and over it depends on your situation.

That being said the longer you go the more of a game it becomes between you and the ex. "high score"...NC is about the healing of yourself, and TIME for the ex to have thoughts and reflection. Disappearing for the long long haul, will in fact make you "disappear." If we don't put ourselves back out there to get an idea of what's happening, the ex's will have shown they can do NC too, but we're the ones with a million questions in our heads.

Why not get some answers to those questions before you mean nothing? A month is not long, but long enough to think..1+ months of nothing and it becomes a memory.

 

I'm not sure I'm going to put that to the test and go No FB for a week and see. Email is two-way contact, FB is cyber stalking and thus only one way contact I know its still not committed to full NC but truth is it feels like it as my ex's stuff has not updated since NC begain other than a photo being uploaded wearing a necklace I gave her (Sentimental as it's a key to my heart necklace not some random pendant).

 

My high score comment is not compeating with the ex it compeating with myself and LS ha ha.

 

Seriously though more reconciliations happen when a significant amount of time has past I mean years not days, weeks, months etc. (Some cases here at 5-6 months) A month and a half into NC is nothing to a dumper. We are in the dumpee mindset and it feels like an eternity.

Edited October 8, 2010 by Billie The Puppet