I'm moving out - what to expect

[love4me2c]

So I'm moving out on Oct 23. I am not scared or upset. I am actually looking forward to it. It feels like what I am doing is right for the first time. Is this a normal feeling? I'm just wondering if I get to my apt and then things quiet down, will I suddenly be depressed? I just want to know what to expect. If anyone is interested in my circumstances feel free to look up my posting history. Thanks.

 

PS - I have no OM or anything lined up. I want to be alone.

[just_some_guy]

I felt greatly relieved.

 

I didn't have OW lined up or anything. I really needed out, to escape the "caretaker" role I had both fallen and been pressed into. The stress level in my life dropped tremendously.

 

For the first many months, I felt much, much better. My weight easily dropped to a much healthier level, I exercised more and spent some quality alone time thinking about things. I also made time for friends, who have been very important to me.

 

The other thing I did was WORK on ME. I have been seeing a therapist weekly through out. I have studied a great deal on matters of psychology, of coming to an understanding of how and why I found myself in a second unhappy marriage.

 

The key I think was the working on myself, the outreach to friends and taking some time to appreciate a quiet and peaceful living environment.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

love4me2c :

 

"What to expect"? Now that's a tricky little question! First off, congrat's for making the choice to move on and to getting on with your life.

 

If I remember right, what your feeling now, about being ok and content with your choice and somewhat looking forward to it, for me I called it the pre-move euphoric stage. Granted I wasn't the one to move out of the home, my ex-wife was, but still I had that euphoric feeling because the choice had been made, it was settled, and the anger and stress and frustration of making a choice was over.

 

After my ex-wife friends and family helped move her out of the house, I still felt a tad bit euphoric about it. Granted, just as you will be facing.....an empty apartment needing to be filled, I to faced an empty house needing to be filled. This could be a very exciting time for you, the potential of "self exploration" is high. After the 23rd of this month you will be poised a "blank canvas", on this canvas it will be you and you alone choosing how it will be painted. You now will be left to your own devices and imagination about how your new place will look. I found the peace to be had by being totally in control of re-painting my life's canvas after my ex-wife left was quite rewarding.

 

For me after most of my canvas was re-painted, and things started to slow down, and the dust began to settle, that's when the sh*t hit the fan for me, that's when the doom and gloom of the situation hit. Just know that after the euphoria is over, and your blank apartment canvas has for the most part been painted and your not keeping yourself as busy as you were, that's when things could get interesting for you! At this point maybe employing the services of some friends that you can talk to, family you can talk to, a divorced womans support group, maybe some individual (one on one) therapy might come into play, at this point when things start to become interesting for you, you may need an outlet to help you through the "rough patch" that may be on the horizon.

 

I'm not going to chime in to much about the "other man" subject, I think that's been pretty well hashed out in another thread. But I will say this, you are being handed a very nice gift, you have made a choice for yourself and no one else, I would hate to see "another man" bring all that you are about ready to work hard on, come crashing to the ground. Take this time for just you and no one else. This is the time for healing, self exploration, re-thinking ones life, re-organizing ones priority's ect. ect. ect..................and above all else, the time for personal freedom!

 

Just take caution, for what you are about ready to embark on won't always be a sweet smelling bed of roses! There are going to be ups and downs along the way! But I have a funny feeling that your going to be alright. Just remember after the 23rd. it's all about you baby!

 

GO FOR IT!

[You Go Girl]

I moved out in June. I bought the cottage 2 years ago.

I met a couple neighbors that I didn't know before, who turned out to be disappointments. Oh well, that's ok! I have other friends. My point is--small other and new disappointments will happen.

 

It felt great to sleep in my big cozy bed after a year and a half on the couch.

Now I'm no speedy type. I do things slowly, it's my style. I made some immediate changes to the bedroom and the living room of my cottage, and then my enthusiasm slowed immensely. It's ok though. I know, and I knew, that fixing the place up quickly would only be a diversion. I knew I would still have to face the finality of it all, and being alone. Therefore I didn't kid myself for one minute by using diversion tactics on myself.

The cottage will pull itself together slowly over time. I feel no need to rush ANYTHING.

It felt weird to sleep in a house by myself. Luckily it is a safe area. After a week or two, I no longer noticed.

Evenings alone felt weird for quite awhile. However now I am used to them. The lonely feeling of being alone has mostly left me.

All you need is a few good friends. 2 or more real friends. People who uplift your spirits everyday when you talk to them. REal friends are the lifesavers.

Never drink alone if you are depressed. Wait, never drink when depressed whether alone or not. (I have about 4 drinks a week these days, alone, max, and never the hard stuff.)

Everyday, do some small thing just for you and your new living arrangements. You don't have to redecorate the place overnight. Small improvements are sufficient to making you feel better each day, making it your space, an extension of you.

Bad habits will be amplified. If you're on the computer too much, if you watch tv too much, if you smoke, if you drink, if you're messy, whatever your bad habits are, they get worse when there is no one else to see them. So keeping yourself in check is important, because you have to change bad habits slowly overtime, and if you don't watch them, they get worse.

There will be a period of elation over your space that you control, and it will be followed with the finality of what has happened. Expect it, and take it in stride. The best way to fight this is to live the way you wish you would live--instead of embracing your worst habits. Do what makes you feel good about yourself.

Next comes peace...ahhhhh...that feels good. Not elation, not depression, but peace from finally removing yourself from the situation, and you'll find your new rhythm.

[What_Next]

Well I just moved out this past Friday/Saturday so this is fresh in my mind. First off, I'm not sure if there are kids in the picture or not because that will change things.

 

For me it was a HUGE relief. I was in such a stressful situation that it was actually affecting my health in a very negative way. Seeing her every day was just too hard. So right away it felt as though a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

 

Now I am not alone in my place, my mother took a bedroom, but she works out of the apartment from Monday-Saturday each week so I am alone most of the time. My first few nights were a little tough, but I was so busy getting the place in shape I didn't have time to think of it. I also have met someone and we talk often.

 

I do admit that I am looking forward to the time on my own, away from all the stresses around me and I suspect you'll find that as well. Go back to an old hobby, or get into a new one. I am going to start jigsaw puzzles again and read. I am also going to start riding bike again. All of those things can help fill in the gaps when your mind races.

 

Do not be afraid to embrace the next chapter in your life. It happens to many of us and it isn't the end, it's the beginning! Good luck.

[SummerLady]

So I'm moving out on Oct 23. I am not scared or upset. I am actually looking forward to it. It feels like what I am doing is right for the first time. Is this a normal feeling? I'm just wondering if I get to my apt and then things quiet down, will I suddenly be depressed? I just want to know what to expect. If anyone is interested in my circumstances feel free to look up my posting history. Thanks.

 

PS - I have no OM or anything lined up. I want to be alone.

 

Be prepared for it all..At first you are relieved and then it hits you, guilt sets in at some point. No matter how right it is for you to leave guilt always creeps in even if you are not at fault for the end of the relationship. You experience everything under the sun. Take it day by day. be easy on yourself. There is no experince that can prepare you. But know you will get through and come out the other side a better person. There is no way to go but up.. your time frame is dependent on the realtionship length and relationship itself, impact on you and your life. Don't compare to others. This is your story. Good Luck! Remember life goes on..and will return to some sort of normal..

[love4me2c]

Thanks everyone.. I am hoping to find peace, too.