USMCHokie Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Watch me do it. Hokie eats a lot of omelletes, hence is a relatively big fan of eggs. I don't particularly care for eggs. There's a difference between us. Is that saying anything negative about him? Or me? Of course not. You don't like eggs??!?!?! GASP!!! Well I don't like cheese...and brace yourself for it...or wine... :eek:
Author OceanGirl Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 "Go with your first instinct" is something that should be taught in schools. Our brains are tricksters. We will start to analyze, mis-remember, visualize and give credit where none should be given. Or we'll get lonely, self-doubt will creep in and we'll wonder if we were too hasty. Almost universally, when I have gone against my first instinct I've absolutely regretted it. It's the most maddening progress of dragging out the inevitable. Choose > Do > Don't look back. When I read his profile on OKCupid, and saw how heavily sports are featured there, my first instinct was not to contact him at all. But then I went back to the profile, saw the cute pictures and well.... When we first talked on the phone (I even posted it on here), my first instinct was "This guy sounds boring" - but then I got carried away because I found him physically attractive. In retrospect, both of those instincts were spot on.
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 .... brace yourself for it...or wine... :eek: That will HAVE to change!!
Author OceanGirl Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 I am a HUGE wine fan too... I think this is a dealbreaker SG
CrestfallenNoMore Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I am a HUGE wine fan too... I think this is a dealbreaker SG I agree! Not a fan of wine?!?!? Run, run like the devil!
Ariadne Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 The thing is, although I would never hard core train, I would be open to going running and cycling to get fit.. Ha.. too late now I guess. Nah, this guy must be beating himself up what he did wrong to lose you. He was probably trying to save face and told you some things that he thought. I think that if you let him train and do his exercise he wouldn't mind what you do, or maybe encourage you if you want to train. And I don't think it'd hurt to say hi. Anyway, take care.
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I am a HUGE wine fan too... I think this is a dealbreaker SG Nah... He'll just become really bored being my wine tasting chauffeur! Napa needs more sober drivers anyway...
Author OceanGirl Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 This thread has been most helpful. I have realized 2 things: 1) We are not compatible 2) I am not really missing him and it's mostly an ego thing I can now put this behind me.
bellabella Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I think it depends what the interest is. For him, if he takes it very seriously then he probably would suit someone on the same wavelength who would be able to talk to him about it and empathises with the amount of time it takes. I have two main passions, one takes up one evening a week and the odd weekend here and there, doesn't bother me at all if my man is into it or not (current boyfriend isn't). The other takes up two evenings a week training and the vast majority of weekends - it simply doesn't work seeing someone who is not into it (I have tried, and it has always ended as the guys don't like not being my priority - which is fair enough, but current guy is into it too so understands and joins in!).
Lakeside_runner Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 When we first talked on the phone (I even posted it on here), my first instinct was "This guy sounds boring" - but then I got carried away because I found him physically attractive. Was he boring because of the sports thing?
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 This thread has been most helpful. I have realized 2 things: 1) We are not compatible 2) I am not really missing him and it's mostly an ego thing I can now put this behind me. You're welcome. Onward and upward!
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Yeah, I was just surprised that he said anything negative about me.. Well, at least it doesn't seem like my looks were the problem (which is always my worst fear) Why is that your worst fear? You realize that you have a lot more going for you than just your looks. If the guy is dating you... it can be safely assumed that he finds you to be attractive. Do you have to be better looking than all the other girls? This thread has been most helpful. I have realized 2 things: 1) We are not compatible 2) I am not really missing him and it's mostly an ego thing I can now put this behind me. I take it SG's points really hit home.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Was he boring because of the sports thing? Haha no, not at all. He just didn't/doesn't seem to have a sense of humor and is very shy so I had to direct all the conversation. Also, he never said anything that I found even remotely interesting. His other hobby is gardening (I am so not into that either). He generally seemed to have no fire or animation in him, even when talking about things he is supposed to be passionate about. I also had to come up with ideas of where to go and what to do because when I asked him, he would always respond "Whatever you want to do..". The only way I knew he was even interested in me was because he kept calling and asking me out. BTW LakeSide, would you date a girl that hated sports?
Author OceanGirl Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Why is that your worst fear? You realize that you have a lot more going for you than just your looks. If the guy is dating you... it can be safely assumed that he finds you to be attractive. Do you have to be better looking than all the other girls? I take it SG's points really hit home. Yep, SG nailed it in this thread. It only took about 2 pages too
Star Gazer Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 He generally seemed to have no fire or animation in him, even when talking about things he is supposed to be passionate about. If you were in NorCal, I'd think you were talking about Skiman. Even when he was REALLY STOKED about something, his excitement measured a 3.0 on the Richter scale. At one point I even tried picking a fight with him about a topic he's passionate about, just to see that fire...and nothin'. Not even some smoke. Man, was I bored.
Lakeside_runner Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 BTW LakeSide, would you date a girl that hated sports? This is a very good question. In fact this thread made me think about it today - a lot, for several reasons... I think I wouldn't want to date a girl who HATES sports. She'd have to be at least ambivalent so I don't hear all the time that sports are stupid. My first GF ever kept saying that running is stupid. Well, guess what? It didn't work out between us although it lasted 4.5 years! Then the best, albeit short relationships, were all with somewhat athletic girls who enjoy sports (at least running). Both had to be ended because of me moving for my current job (and I didn't have much choice). There is something about athletic girls that makes me go :love: The perfect match would be a girl who is not afraid to run a 1/2-marathon, slander/athletic, we get along well and has that something in her eyes, a nice smile. That's it. Seriously. There is plenty of them on the tri-team but I think the age-gap is too big :) I think, sharing a common interest/passion in a relationship is important. Having common goals and values is even more important.
Alma Mobley Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 If you were in NorCal, I'd think you were talking about Skiman. Even when he was REALLY STOKED about something, his excitement measured a 3.0 on the Richter scale. At one point I even tried picking a fight with him about a topic he's passionate about, just to see that fire...and nothin'. Not even some smoke. Man, was I bored. I can't be with someone like that. I can see where both you and Ocean would not be compatible with those respective exes because of the way you both come across. My ex was like this -- no passion about anything. Drove me nuts.
Gattica Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Of course common interests are important, but sharing core values is what is really important. As far as common interests go...I am not musically inclined in the least, but music still plays a major role in my life. It is important to me that a partner of mine is passionate about music. We don't have to like the same artists or instruments, but I like being with someone that understands how passionate I am about music and how important it is in my life. Anywho, sharing core values is of utmost importance. Those are where my deal breakers come in. It is great to share common interests, but if we don't share core values then common interests mean nothing.
Kamille Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Well, at least it doesn't seem like my looks were the problem (which is always my worst fear) You confirm yet again a theory I have that it's the best looking people who worry about their looks the most. I'm average looking so I tend to focus more on my personality because, in my life, being funny, charming and interesting is how I enticed attractive guys. I think the topic of common interest thing has been covered, but you do realize that what you describe as "boring" stems from a lack of common interest right? In essence, you were agreeing about the same thing. You made it personal, a flaw that he had, while he didn't question your personality but rather thought of it as something external that informed how you two interacted.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 You confirm yet again a theory I have that it's the best looking people who worry about their looks the most. I'm average looking so I tend to focus more on my personality because, in my life, being funny, charming and interesting is how I enticed attractive guys. I think the topic of common interest thing has been covered, but you do realize that what you describe as "boring" stems from a lack of common interest right? In essence, you were agreeing about the same thing. You made it personal, a flaw that he had, while he didn't question your personality but rather thought of it as something external that informed how you two interacted. Firstly Kamille, I very much doubt that you are average looking. Second point is something I thought of too. Maybe conversation was boring because we had nothing in common. The first word he used to describe me is "interesting" - which is kind of weird as I have been describing him as boring (not to him obviously). There were also many little things that added up to having little in common. Apart from the big ones, he likes to spend his spare time doing sports, and I like to go to the opera, theatre, cinema... For example, when we go to the movies - he hates getting popcorn. I on the other hand get excited about having popcorn and don't really feel I get the full "going to the movies" experience without it. He also hates technology. His mobile phone is the simplest one imaginable, he has had it for over 5 years and doesn't want to update it. I, on the other hand, got up at 7am to cue in front of the Apple store to get the iphone 4 when it came out recently (but I kept telling myself that those things are not important). The way he handles money also annoyed me. He is very uptight and watches every single cent. He is very concerned about dining out at something that's even slightly pricy. I am of the belief that money is there to help you enjoy life. Of course, you should pay for the basics first (bills etc). But anything left over, I like to have fun with. I also enjoy treating my friends when we go out (they do the same in return) and he seemed puzzled by it as he and his friends strictly pay for what they each ordered... Having just typed all that out makes me realize that we were really completely incompatible
Author OceanGirl Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 I also need to confess something. Earlier today, I caved and e-mailed him Luckily, it was just a brief e-mail asking him how is his weekend going and commenting on the nice weather (not talking about us in any way). I am not sure why I did it as I clearly see that we wouldn't work and that the decision to end it was 100% right one. He hasn't responded (yet) and I am now kind of releived that he hasn't. I think I am just missing the abstract idea of being in a relationship or heading towards a relationship...
Ariadne Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 Well, The guy is not so bad. Really. Popcorn? Old cell phone? At least he seems nice and level headed, is attractive, likes you, and so on. Good thing I didn't get bitten by the "dating bug", I have enough troubles as it is.
Author OceanGirl Posted October 9, 2010 Author Posted October 9, 2010 Well, The guy is not so bad. Really. Popcorn? Old cell phone? At least he seems nice and level headed, is attractive, likes you, and so on. Good thing I didn't get bitten by the "dating bug", I have enough troubles as it is. I realized that all these things are not a big deal by themselves, but when it all adds up, we have nothing in common. I literally can't think of a single thing that we both like to do or talk about. Being nice and being physically attractive is not enough for a LTR. He is a bit TOO level headed. I wish he has shown at least some temperament.
Ariadne Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I realized that all these things are not a big deal by themselves, but when it all adds up, we have nothing in common. I literally can't think of a single thing that we both like to do or talk about. Being nice and being physically attractive is not enough for a LTR. He is a bit TOO level headed. I wish he has shown at least some temperament. Yeah, But you didn't have much in common with the PG either, I mean, you are not into that kind of stuff but you would date him. Not sure I'd be attracted to a sports fanatic though (go Lakers etc) so I give you that. I don't know.
Recommended Posts