all this talk of single time being the time to learn about oneself...

[yes]

i wanted to ask more details about that. first of all, surely one can learn about oneself while in a relationship, right? what are the benefits of being single for learning about yourself? just the fact of more free time and less people to take into consideration?

 

also, the phrase of learning about yourself always makes me wonder - am i learning about myself or am i molding myself... am i the author or the reader, so to speak...

 

-yes

[Darkangelism]

When you are sinle you spend more time alone to learn about one's self., or at least this is what i have convinced myself so I can handle being single.

[UCFKevin]

I honestly just think it's an excuse.

 

How hard is it to say, "I need my own time. I don't want to take a break, but I want more time to myself and for my friends. "That's IT! That's all it takes.

 

If someone needs time to find themselves, they're basically saying, "It's over. I want out. This is my easy way out. Goodbye. Don't expect me back."

[yes]

Kevin, I didn't mean it as the reason given to break up. I mean in general - do you think you learn more about yourself when you're single (for whatever reason)?

 

-yes

[UCFKevin]

Nah. Not really. You can't learn much about yourself when you have no one to interact with.

[Curt]

I believe that both are correct. One can learn important parts of him/herself while in the midst of a relationship. Likewise, one can learn more individual (yet different) parts of one's character when alone. Both situations challenge us to grow in different, but equally important ways.

 

The only question is often whether or not we are willing to truly evaluate ourselves objectively in these circumstances.

 

Curt

[moimeme]

What you learn on your own is how to be independent. You can figure out how to handle life on your own, should you need to. You can find out that you can be perfectly fine eating in a restaurant alone or going to movies alone or doing anything else by yourself and enjoying it. You manage your own funds, negotiate your own contracts, etc. Essentially, you learn how to function in the world.

 

Some people count on their partners to be their sole friends and companions; they don't go places or do things and they don't develop their own tastes, ideas, or attitudes. In short, they lose themselves in their partners' identities. Not everyone does this, but it's more likely if a person hasn't managed to individuate well.

[yes]

when you put it that way, moimeme, it makes sense ... and makes me want to stay single for a few years, too!... not date-less, but largely single. for somebody whose identity used to be some family-dependent (and still is, somewhat), losing identity in a companion is way too likely.

 

back when i fought with my folks about moving out on my own (they only wanted me to move out when i get married), they didn't understand me when i said i want to know that i can be fine on my own. thanks for reminding about that idea.

 

-yes

[faux]

I believe one can learn a great deal about oneself while being single. I believe that one must feel comfortable out of a relationship before one can be comfortable and perform well within one. This has proven true for me. Without the obligation of taking care of someone else's needs and feelings I can focus on myself.

 

In-as-so-far as it being something brought up in a relationship it is most always an excuse. Even in a relationship one can have time to his or herself. When someone does insist they need to be alone it is an end to the relationship, yet they choose to use confusing terms such as "break" or "time to apart." If only people would simply say what they mean. That however is another issue.

[bellatina]

some people are afraid to be alone and jump from one relationship to the next. I have many friends like this...some are like Jlo have the next one waiting before the relationship has even ended.

 

From my own experience I think is good to spend sometime alone ...specially after a significant relationship. Why? well, first of all after a significant relationship is important to rediscover oneself , also to evaluate the previous relationship and avoid making the same mistakes.

[Arabess]

am i the author or the reader

 

You are BOTH. The great part about life is....if you don't like what you are reading at the end of the day.....you have the power to change the way the story is going.

 

Relationships cause you to grow in one way. Being single causes you to grow in another.

 

I wish I would've taken the time at YOUR age, to really define what I wanted from my life, myself and the person I fell in love with....BEFORE I got any further. I didn't do that. I just plowed thru and hoped God would Bless it. I think I made Him laugh instead!

 

You are very insightful Yes....you are going to do great! The end of your story should read beautifully.

[yes]

thanks for the vote of confidence =)

 

i like the view that i'm both the reader and the author...! and it's funny that you say you wish you defined what you wanted better... because what i'm lacking, all in all, is precisely what you had - going w/ the flow.

 

-yes

 

PS the end of everyone's story is the same, isn't it... i like Frida's attitude: "I hope the exit will be joyful and I hope never to return."

[Arabess]

Well...there are some 'thoughts' that if you go with the flow, you still end up where you were supposed to go.

 

I don't know if that's true. I think it's much better to make a plan early on. Beat the odds.

[moimeme]

Well...there are some 'thoughts' that if you go with the flow, you still end up where you were supposed to go.

 

I sure as hell hope so! I can't count the number of dead ends I've run into after making plans. I figured Somebody was telling me to quit planning because there's a different plan for me than the ones I kept making.

[yes]

"Life is what happens while u'r busy making other plans" - Lennon

 

-yes

[simplybrill]

I love having time to myself now that Im single. It made me realize how much control I have over my own life, and how much happier I am when Im single.

 

Im not totally against relationships, I just dont want to date anyone right now. I like having all this wiggle room Things get claustrophobic sometimes when Im dating- but that totally depends on the guy and the circumstances.

 

Some people need time to cultivate things in their life, whether it be hobbies, friend or family relationships, or just themselves personally-if they dont get that in, or before they get into a relationship it messes a lot of things up.

 

Personally, im so glad ive reached a point where im honestly working on this stuff and changing stuff in my life, so when the right person does come along, I wont be like half-ing it when it comes to my own interests, and such- Ill be more where I want to be, and if its the right person, they'll give me my room to change, and develop in the relationship too.