whatupwiththat Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I really need some advice. Ive been dating my boyfriend for 6 months, officially a couple for the past 2 or 3 months, we are both 32 years old. I love him with all my heart and I saw a future for us up until last Friday night. We had plans but then I couldn’t get him to answer my calls or texts. This continued well into Saturday until he called with an elaborate story how he had lost his phone. I knew the story was a lie, and I tried to end things, but he wouldn’t let it go and spent all day Sunday convincing me of the validity of his story and also being very sweet and loving. I accepted it finally, because I wanted to believe him. But Monday I ended up calling the venue he claimed to have left the phone and verified that his story was false. So with my proof, I accused him of cheating. He was very offended that I would dare accuse him of such things, telling me I had trust issues, said “feck you”, accused me of using mindgames to break up with him, threatended to be done with me, played sad victim, like used many different tactics to divert attention from the fact that he was busted. I wouldn’t talk to him and so he eventually gave up the fight and confessed to me “the truth”….that him and his buddies had ate pot brownies and he was too jacked up to socialize or respond to my calls and texts, and that he was afraid I would dump him and that’s why he made up the story of the lost phone. (I had once told him I would never date a pot smoker) I chose to forgive him for the lie, as I know he legitimately did not want to lose me (the pot use is not of concern to me, so please don’t say I should dump him for the pot). The problem is that I was convinced that he had cheated and it broke my heart, like was the worst pain Ive ever endured and now Im unable to shake that heavy feeling in my chest. It hasn’t left me since Friday. Im still feeling down even though our relationship seems better than ever. I feel more secure when I’m with him, but when I'm not with him I feel like he doesn’t love me at all, when before I wouldn't question it. Do I need to see a therapist? I understand the reason for the lie and although it was extremely disrespectful to put me through that, I can let it go. I want to continue to build our relationship, but if I cant get happy then this is not going to be fun anymore. The thought of breaking up with him is unbearable. Has anyone else had a problem with forgiveness of a betrayal, eventhough you really truly want to forgive? Do you think the horrible feeling is because he really did cheat on me? I do not feel there is anyway of knowing what really happened that night…
Woman In Blue Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I'm sorry WhatUp, but I don't believe that LAME story at all. Some pot baked into brownies doesn't turn you into a zombie for almost 24 freakin' hours - nor will it render you completely incapable of being able to push a lousy button on your cell phone to call someone. That horrible feeling you have is your gut screaming at you, telling you what a lame-ass story your boyfriend is trying to sell you. Tell him next time, he might want to use the "I was kidnapped by aliens and probed anally!!!" excuse, because his pot-in-the-brownies one sucks out loud.
NayWinter Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I'm sorry to say this, but that "pot brownie" story is complete BS. That is just another lie has he is using to cover up the truth. What the truth is, we have no way of knowing. But I can promise you that being high on pot is not an excuse to not at least text back, if you feel that you cannot speak. He's lying to you. Please, do yourself a favor and realize that because the farther you go with someone like this, the more pain you will experience.
mlaw Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I am sorry. But he is totally lying. And they don't change trust me I was With a man like that for 2 years. And that Feeing in your gut will get worse and worse. They never stop lying. And they always seem So sweet after and u want to believe them Because the love part is so good. They are All the same. And in time he will have sucked Out your confidence and your happiness. Please move on.
make me believe Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I chose to forgive him for the lie, as I know he legitimately did not want to lose me :rolleyes: If he legitimately didn't want to lose you, why was he lying to you in the first place?? And seriously.... he should have come up with a better lie because "I ate some pot brownies" is just freakin lame If this sh*t is happening after only 2-3 months of exclusivity, you better buckle up cause you're in for a ROUGH ride if you stay with this dude.
Kinder-Horror Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I'm sorry WhatUp, but I don't believe that LAME story at all. Some pot baked into brownies doesn't turn you into a zombie for almost 24 freakin' hours - nor will it render you completely incapable of being able to push a lousy button on your cell phone to call someone. That horrible feeling you have is your gut screaming at you, telling you what a lame-ass story your boyfriend is trying to sell you. Tell him next time, he might want to use the "I was kidnapped by aliens and probed anally!!!" excuse, because his pot-in-the-brownies one sucks out loud. Doesn't pot affect everyone differently? A girlfriend of mine smoked pot for the first time at a party I was at and I had to carry her into her house (after only one hit) because she couldn't function. I sat there with her in silence for two hours only for her to apologize to me the next day for "talking for two hours straight." His story sounds plausible - but thats because I know many people who are anti-drug (including myself) and have had to deal with bf's that smoke pot - so I have heard all the lies. Whether it is true or not (though it's even MORE worrisome if it is not), he lied to you and that is the major problem here. He did something he thought you weren't okay with (or at least he thought you weren't okay with)....and then lied about it. Kind of a red flag regardless of it actually being cheating or not
Author whatupwiththat Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 Thank you everyone. Yeah, I guess I still have my looming suspicions. Ideally I would’ve liked a confession that he cheated, because I just don’t know what to do with this story. The night of the incident, he had gone to a concert with a few guys and a few of my girls and I were going to meet up with them after the show, since we were all going to be downtown. Its plausible he thought a lost phone story would fare better than admitting he was too jacked up to hang out with us…maybe?And it wasn’t 24 hours before he reached me, it was 11:00am I’m in so deep now, it seems impossible to walk away. Actions speak the truth, and when I look at his time and money, its all spent with/on me. That says something about his devotion, right? It is possible he messed around, however I am choosing to give him benefit of the doubt, to spare myself mostly….but the blinders are off now, Im going to be keeping close tabs!!
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