fireinthesky Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Hi everyone.. I'm in a bit of a predicament, so the stories on LS have been a tremendous help! I'd like to ask you for some advice... sorry about the length! I've been with my girlfriend for about 3 years now. We met at work, and immediately kicked it off. The longer I knew her, the more I fell for her. But there a few red flags along the way... she was in the process of getting divorced, and essentially had been with other guys, including myself, while she was married - although I had met her after the paperwork had been filed. He husband had also cheated on her, and things weren't working, which was the reason for the divorce. It was probably my fault for continuing to see her while she wasn't properly over the divorce and her husband, who she once came home crying about, after she'd met him briefly. But things aren't always black and white, so I allowed her to deal with it in her own time and way. As one of her family members was ill, she moved back to her home country, while I stayed and worked to get a visa and get over there to be with her and start a new life together. It's been one year since we've been together, but we had always had this plan. And I've stuck to it. When she left, things were hard at first, as I was used to seeing her every day. When she got a new job, she became quite distant and contact became haphazard. This worried me, and I told her that we needed to communicate to make the distance thing work. Anyway, about 2 months later, a guy appeared on her facebook and began writing messages which made it obvious she was seeing him, even though she denied it when I asked. I went through a really rough time and went to counselling to sort myself out. I also told her I didnt want to see her again because I knew she had been spending time with this guy, and it was not fair on me. She called back the day later and apologized but never admitted that she slept with him. She called also it off with this guy, but only recently did I discover she actually had cheated on me a few times with him. I've told her I know and now she's basically said it's over, saying she does love me, but no relationship gets through this kind of thing because there's too much hurt involved. She said it was a terrible mistake and never intended for me to know. She said she was bored at the time, which automatically made me think, WTF?! Now, one week to go, and I am about to move to her country - it's pretty much too late to turn back, plus living in a new country will be a good adventure for me. She has offered to help me out initially which will be great, but I am not sure whether it will be a good idea to see her, and to be living at her house for 2 weeks or so, before I move to get a job (we'd planned to move there together when things were fine between us). She said we'll have a heart to heart about what happened and the cheating, and part of me thinks this might be her way of trying to reconcile, but the fact that she isn't in love with me makes me doubt that. We've been broken up for about 2 weeks. The idea of "no contact" seems to be very popular on the board, and so, I am considering taking it, full-on. When I arrive, I will no doubt have jetlag, so it would be good to get someone to help. My real problem is that I have reached a point where if she wants to reconcile, she needs to come to me. At the moment it feels like I am going to her, staying at her place, and she has a strange power over me because of it. Would you say that in this case, I should tell her I don't want to pick me up at the airport or hear from her unless she wants to sort things out between us and get back together? I could easily spend the night in a hotel when I arrive and try organize my life, by myself. I am willing to give us a chance, but am really confused if I even should. Trying to be strong, but it's not easy What would you guys do in this situation?
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