September Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 These fingers are itching!!! I won't won't won't and refuse to make contact but the desire and yearning are so great at the moment. I have had a lot of triggers this week reminding me of us to the point of feeling sick in the pit of my stomach. When does the itching strike, is there a time frame they usually hit? Do xAP's get the itches as well? What I would give for this awful feeling to go away....
delirious Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 We are in no contact for two weeks, although I am not sure why we are doing that, this is the first week. I have texted him and he has texted me only when we are used to talking every day it is very hard. The pain is unbearable. Yesterday I gave in and texted him first "can we choose another option than this like sticking me in the eye with a red hot poker". Because that is what I think would be less painful.
Author September Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 It's awful! When we were together (earlier in the relationship) I decided that we should probably break as I felt that nothing may ever come of it. He was utterley devastated. NC lasted 24 hours, I couldn't bear not having any communication with him. It was a very intense physical and emotional relationship spanning 2 years. He went back to his to his family earlier this year and has kept NC with me. He did keep our secret email account open and would still check for emails from me but most of the time he wouldn't respond (I knew this because I got a secret read receipt telling me he read them). Looking back, I was so desperate and stupid. I finally gave up 2 months ago. All it did was feed his ego. I recently heard that things were not going so well with their R but who knows if it's true, only they do. Along with a lot of triggers it's making me want to contact. I just can't though. As odd as it sounds, I would like to retain some dignity.....(yes, I know I can hear the laughter).
siuys Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I understand how hard it is to maintain NC, September. I think in your case you gotta stick to your guns because his choice made it clear what you need to do. He may still have feelings for you etc and may still be reading your emails or hoping to hear from you, but that is not enough for you. You need to accept that fact and move on and forget about it. If ever he does leave his M he knows where to find you. All the best.
Tsm Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 I know what you talking about. The thing that kept my fingers from being itchy, was/is my fear of rejection (i dont take it too well) and my pride,it had to be intact.
WTFBBQ Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 My itchy finger is used for the one finger salute. Sorry you aren't ready to give your MM that yet.
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