need serious RESPONSES ABOUT ORDEAL

[oogggie]

:confused:i wrote a whole lot then it said i wasnt logged in took me an hr to write so i guess ill some it up.

4 yr relationship im 9 yrs older,we where in a dom/sub relationship for like a yr and half her suggestion,ive went thru her almost dying in a car wreck a yr after we got together i stayed at the hospital a week and took care off her for a yr,her ex husband has tried for 3 yrs to break us up for some reason or another,she has kissed a guy and talked to one about leaving me b4 her wreck,she has tried numerious times to kill herself,she has left me already this yr and had the cops come saying i was going to slice her throat and she had a ride i never new about going to TN,THATwas one day after our anniversary and a month later i went and got her,then a month later she said she needed space and we have to live together a day after valentines day she wasnt in love with me anymore 2 weeks later out off the blue she said im back in love with u,everything was fine until her son said i burnt him with a lighter and cps was involded the kid lives with his dad,so from there it went bad,i took a vsa test 97% accurate i didnt do it then her oldest kids said i didnt interact with them she was going to leave me for that,then i sat for 7 hrs with tv on mute so she could do her homework and was being txted by someone she said was a girl that wanted to go to the bar with and after i told her why dont u tell her your doing your dam homework she went off agian started packing her stuff me crying and her saying its over then she said we our single got it we our roommates and i need to figure out in my head what is wrong with me that she doesnt feel like she can do anything or look at anyone with out me not letting her, mind u i never told her she couldnt have friends or go anywhere just let me know where your going and if ur going to b late just call i do the same for her,she said it was from past relationships she said i love u but im not in love with u and im commited to us and there is know one else,could i sleep on the couch tonight i said sure then she got stoned for 4 hrs and didnt do any homework a said she was sorry for getting angry then she went to bed called me from her cell said she needed me there to sleep with her we cuddled and said i love u and she reassured me on our relationship woke up she asked me if i would fight for her kids for her, i said yes she said i love u have a nice day at work and 4 hrs later im in jail for 8 days and 3 different charges,she has berated me all over her college and facebook plus she put a restraining order on me was dating a 19 yr old hanging out with a icp crew who are juggolettes and juggalos.so recap being submissive she wanted it and to b controlled every way possible i didnt feel good about the punishment thing she would say if i do something wrong punish me and tell me what its for,we have done sex sites together and she would regret doing them the next day and ask me if i thought she was a whore,and i would tell her no,what we do together is our sexually expierence,we would role play alot,make up fantasies,she would dress up in the house in all kinds off get ups and i would take photos she would do orgasm control,theres alot off stuff we did for each other that way all her idea,she said she need control,discipline,love,stability and rules to go by like when she was a kid so i played alone with it cause i loved her and thought she might get sick of it after a while and would tell her if ever u dont want this im ok with it,sometimes if i didnt do stuff she would get really emotional and tell me if ur not going to give me what i need from it then hell with it just forget it i ever told u i was submissive,so how does one be so cold not to tell u the the truth and make up lies to get u out off the house we both own together and say all the right things we even where looking at wedding dresses and she still had her ring on to this in a matter of 2 days.i have alot off stuff to beraid her in court with but i dont want too threw all this has been 3 weeks and 3 days and yes i am totally still in love with her and its driving me insane i cant talk to her or see her.i blocked her on facebook but she 1st defriended me then blocked me then took off mutual friend and unblocked me to blocking me to unblocking me so i blocked her got rid of messenger also,telling friends not to tell me what she is posting cause she was posting alot off stuff she would post 3 different emotions in matter of hrs.so will she contact me soon u think?is she over with the relationship?cause she once said last time if i dont tell u goodbye wich she didnt that it wasnt over she just couldnt face me last time she said,will she at least tell me what the hell happen im so confused and a total wreck like if she has died....what i have done wrong some it up 1 yr ago i jabbed her twice in the jaw for correcting her and she said dont ever correct her that way agian!!!i didnt appove of some friends she was with but never told her not to see em she said i would look at her mad,she said one point i was unemotional to her,i wasnt trusting her enough,i wouldnt communicate with her enough that was true but after we got back together last time thats all i did,so plz help even if its critisism i need serious hlp here.just ask me anything except what charges and court stuff.cause i dont know what i can say except the facts.

[Downtown]

Oogggie, the behavior you are describing is so unstable that it sounds like your exGF has strong traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). BPDers (i.e., those with strong BPD traits) do all-or-nothing thinking, giving them a black-white view of all other people. They therefore classify everyone as either "all good" or "all bad" and they can flip from one extreme (adoring you) to the polar opposite (hating you) in ten seconds. The flip, or mood change, typically is triggered by some innocent thing you do or say. This type of behavior would explain why your exGF was flipping back and forth so quickly between loving and hating you.

 

If that sounds familiar, I suggest you read more about typical BPD behavior in my three posts in Bob's thread at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2838148#post2838148. If that behavior also sounds familiar to you, I would be glad to discuss this with you here if you will provide us more background information. For example, was your Ex abused or abandoned before the age of five? Did she often have trouble trusting you and everyone else? Did she do the black-white thinking often? Were any of your Ex's allegations about your hurting her true? For example, did you slug her twice in the jaw? It is unclear whether you are saying that she fabricated allegations against you or whether some of them are true.

[oogggie]

yes that sounds like her i will write in detail some things later i thank u for reply,i thought she might have bi polar or maniac depression.

[Downtown]

i thought she might have bi polar or maniac depression.

In addition to BPD traits, your Ex may also have bipolar, which used to be called "manic depression." Most folks suffering from one personality disorder (like BPD) also suffer from another PD -- and may have depression or bipolar too. Keep in mind that the ten PDs are not separate diseases -- indeed, none of them are due to a known disease. Instead, they are classificatory devices for identifying and grouping a strong pattern of dysfunctional behavior. This is why people often have symptoms of two PDs and is why BPD (which is sort of an umbrella disorder that overlaps others) has so many traits (nine).

 

That said, there are several clear differences between bipolar and BPD. Bipolar mood swings are very slow because they are caused by gradual changes in body chemistry and, hence, do constitute a physical disorder, not a personality disorder. They are considered rapid if as many as four occur in a year.

 

In sharp contrast, four BPD mood changes can easily occur in four days. BPD rages, for example, typically last about 5 hours and rarely as long as 36 hours (if the BPDer's anger is inner-directed, you will not witness a raging screaming person but, instead, a quiet withdrawn person who turns her anger onto herself).

 

A second difference is that the onset is very different. Whereas a bipolar change may occur over several weeks, a BPD change typically occurs in less than a minute -- often in only 15 seconds -- because it is event-triggered by some innocent comment or action.

 

A third difference is that, whereas bipolar can cause people to be irritable and obnoxious during the manic phase, it does not rise to the level of meanness you see when a BPD is splitting you black. The difference is huge: while a manic person may regard you as an irritation, a BPD person can perceive you as Hitler and will treat you accordingly. Hence, extreme meanness and a strong desire to "get even" is hallmark of BPD but not of bipolar.

 

Finally, a fourth difference is that a bipolar sufferer -- whether depressed or manic -- usually is able to trust you if she knows you well. Untreated BPDs, however, are unable to trust -- even though they sometimes may claim otherwise. This lack of trust means there is no foundation on which to build a relationship. Moreover -- and I learned this the hard way -- when a person does not trust you, you can never trust them because they can turn on you at any time -- and almost certainly will.

 

Yet, despite these four clear differences between the two disorders, many people confuse the two. The primary source of this confusion, as I note above, seems to be the fact that many BPD sufferers also have the bipolar disorder.

Edited October 8, 2010 by Downtown