So lonely

[4givrnt4gtr]

I just broke up with my boyfriend. We didn't date long, just over 6 months. I feel so guilty and mad at myself for not being able to accept him the way he is and help him get through the trauma he lived as a child.

 

I tried, really hard, to be there for him, but at the same time, I was starting to resent him for not being able to give me the type of relationship I wanted. I wanted a happy, easy going, relationship. I know all relationships take effort, but when all you do is talk about the past, even when you are supposed to be in vacation. When everything reminds him of how horrible his home life is, when he resents the people on the street because they dont have to deal with a mentally ill mother who abused him, its just really freaking hard. I asked him several times to go to therapy, and though he always said yes..he never made the effort to do so.

 

Still, I miss him a lot. and I hate that im putting both of us through this.

 

Ive been in the position of getting dumped, and though that sucked, I knew I could do nothing but move on and forget. I was even able to hate my exes til I was over them. But this time around, I got all the power, I can change it and go back...yet again...but I KNOW it wont work, so I have to stick thru it and deal with the sadness and loneliness.... I hate myself for not being able to love him the way he deserved.....this really really sucks..

 

Sorry, Im just rambling. I got no friends in the new city Im at, and I dont want to bother the ones that already know the story. Everyone thinks I did the right thing, everyone even congratulates me....which pisses me off even more...he isn't a bad guy, he never treated me bad. If anything he loved me too much, attached too fast....I hate when people dismiss the break up as "phew! that was close!....hey! i got this guy that would be perfect for you!"

 

I did love him.....and I still do.....but I guess its time to learn that sometimes love isn't enough

 

 

Im so very sad

[BellaBellaBella]

I married a man whose mother was mentally ill. It is not an easy road. I don't think either of us realized the profound effects this had on him. We met online were friends only for 7 months. Then started really getting to know each other for 5 months. When we met in Jan, I knew he was the person for me. I came across country in Feb, to meet stay with him for two weeks. That was the first time I realized his mother was mentally ill.

He had told me a few things I thought were odd. It is when after we took her shopping and I went in her house I realized she was truly crazy.

 

I asked him why he didn't tell me and he was ashamed. Fourteen days later I accepted his proposal. We were married 4 months later. The crazy started for us immediatly after the first night. The final straw for me, was when I moved in permanetly and 4 days before a reception and blessing by his childhood minster. There was a huge outburst by his mother in public. I wasn't present, I refused to comment or get dragged in and said he had a close friend who is a social worker and to call and get advise from her. This resulted in us a huge storm, with me being called lots of names by her and the rest of her family. Refusing to come to the reception. The night before, she simply called and said she would be there. He said okay. I was devastated. My father and friends talked me down.

 

As it turns out, the final answer was to block her from calling and eventually getting an attorney. She died and all the family who abused me prior to the wedding reception hadn't visited her more then once.

 

However, her words truly came to haunt me. She told me watch he is going to put you in my postition and grow to resent you. He did that and we worked extensively on it. He turned over every bit of his power to me. I go back and am fair with him and tell him why he isn't to blame. I share equal responsablity. He turns everything in and blames hisself as she taught him. Fourteen years later we struggle. However, he is a wonderful loving man. She is finally dead, we had a private service. We invited the only sane one from the family, her brother. Her brother said after this was the only family service were there was no violence, name calling and fights. He was relieved we chose this and didn't have her two sisters. His family has a history of mental health issues in women.

 

Her Brother's daughter has inherited the family mental problems.

 

My husband has had much therapy. While he still has some learned behaviors we cope much better now. I love him, but if I had no I question if I would have gone forward. Then I realize I couldn't be without him.

 

It is very difficult living with someone has gone through such crazy times.

[cozenedindigo]

I'm on the other side as ya'll and reading all this just made me want to burst out crying ='(