ItsAllGoodAgain Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 My girlfriend and I havebeen together for just over 7 months. A few weks ago we had a fight and decided to take some time to ourselves. Last Thursday we went out and had a blast. We told eachother we loved one another and we would make this work. I went out of town for the weekend. She stayed behind and had a bacholrette party to attend on Saturday. Let me rewind. Friday night we talked and texted. she told me how much she loved me and miised me. It was great, things seemed to be heading in the right direction. She went out with her sister lateron and got pretty bombed. Her sister met some guy and they were going to meet up later. My gf said on the way she started to feel uneasy about going to some strangers house and asked that her sister dropped her off and she did. Saturday was a different story in regards to fellings. I texted her in the morning after fishing and asked how she was doing blah blah blah. She would respond with one word answers and wouldnt say much at all. She was probably busy getting ready or what have you but still things were different. I wasnt going to bother her so I just stopped texting and didnt attempt to contact her for the rest of the day. Heres where things get interesting. She went out with the Bachlt party. Party bus, drinks and stripper. I did send her a text at around 9:30 (drunk) telling her I missed her blah blah. No response. The next day when I arrived back in town I recieved a call from her and she needed a ride. She said she got wasted last night and had to call her sister for a ride. She was on the side of the road 4 blocksd away from the bar in front of some apartment complex. Apparantly she got in a cab, the cabby was rude so she jumped out. So I picked her up and she started going into detail about the night and how f'd up things got. She talked a lot about this stripper, how he would get anerection, and how she teased him about his appearance then went on to say he ended up hanging out at the bar. She bought him a few drinks and shots, he told her his life story blah blah. At this point I thought nothing. No jealousy or questions. Just a girls night out. We ended up back at her place and she was extra loving, like abnormal for her. We ended up sleeping together and during sex I noticed i white discharge from her area. I've never seen it before other than after sex. I sort of mentioned it but really didn't think anything of it after that. The next day she recieves a few text messages from a couple of her friends. They asked what happened with her and the stripper, you were alll over each otherat the bar, we thought we saw you leave with him. This is when I started to wonder. She goes missing from the party, 4 blocks away, in front of a random apartment building. Her friends are wondering and so am I. She denys all. She promises up and down nothing happened. She says it was another girl from a different bar that looked like her that must have left with him. Her sister begins texting me on what happened and why she had to pick her up. Shesaid when she got there she told the friends that everything will be fine and she'll take care of my GF. Well my gf said she had to be picked up 4 blocks from the bar and none of her friends were around. Needless to say there were many points about the stories that were very conflicting. I stopped allof them and told them all to drop it. I gave my gf the benefit of the doubt and told her I believe her and lets just move on and forget about all of this. That is until last night I was doing laundry. I came across the underwear she was wearing Saturday night and there it was. I massive globb of white, yellowish crust in the crotch of her panties. I lost it. I had put this all behind me but at that point I couldnt believe. I asked her about it and she said it was a normal discharge. A discharge I've never seen other than after sex. She cried and told me nothing happened. With tears in her eys she swore on her fathers grave that she didn't do anything. I asked her to look me in the eyes and tell me she loves and respects me and would never do anything like this. She got angry and told me she shouldnt have to. She continued to get angry, I may have forced the issue and kept nagging at her for the truth and she stuck to her guns. I told her I needed time to think so I left. This morning we see eachother and she is mad. She says I should have never questioned her and that any signs I thought were there were "retarded" and my thoughts and actions made her wonder if she really wanted to be with me. I want so bad to believe her because I do love and care for her. Maybe she did get really drunk and things got really out of hand. Maybe she called her sister for a ride because she felt guilty. Maybe nothing happened at all and I'm just being paranoid. I don't know... What I do know is I have to either let her go or forget about this and learn to trust her again. There is a part of me that believes her but the evidence is clear. What do I do?
Cuchara2 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Sorry to say, but as much as you want to believe her, the signs are against her. Her friends say she went missing? Her sister says she was missing and picked up from a dodgy apartment complex 4 blocks away? You find what is obviously stripper semen on her underwear? Tell her that you're not stupid and you know she did something, so she could at least admit it.
Author ItsAllGoodAgain Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 I know she did it. There is no doubt in my mind that something went down. You can see it in her face. The writing is definitely on the wall. She can't tell me she did, she's affraid that I'll leave. She'll never say she did unless there is a slip-up. My delima is the feelings I have for this girl. I'll pretend to believe her. I'll forgive her in my mind. I won't forget. I'm not an overly jealous person. I just want respect and what she did was as disrespectful as it gets. However, whatever happened brought her closer to me. Whatever release or jungle woman tendencies she may of had before, I hope are gone. I can't be a pushover though. I can't make her feel like she can get away with this. How do I do this and still give us one more chance?
Mad Max Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I asked her to look me in the eyes and tell me she loves and respects me and would never do anything like this. She got angry and told me she shouldnt have to. Sign of a liar. If she truly did nothing wrong, there would be nothing to hide. Dump her and get tested for STDs.
GorillaTheater Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I can't be a pushover though. I can't make her feel like she can get away with this. How do I do this and still give us one more chance? I don't see how you can effectively balance the two. Frankly, I don't see how you can stay with her after she cheated on you and lied to you. I think you've become a doormat and yes, I think she's going to do this to you again. But it's your choice to make. Some of us have to learn the hard way.
Author ItsAllGoodAgain Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 So you all believe that cheating is the end all be all of a relationship? The problem with my stuation is she can't admit it. But when I think about it, I don't really want to know what happened. I guess nobody wants to hear that thier gf/bf has been unfaithful. The problem here is her honesty, all doormats aside, she can see that I'm willing to at least atempt to fight through this. She feels horrible, she feels ashamed. As she should. But really, does cheating have to be the end all be all?
Bryanp Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 How can you talk about respect? She screwed some stripper scumbag, puts your health at risk for STD's and lies to your face. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. She clearly has no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? By the way, since you had sex with her after she screwed this scumbag then you should also be checked for STD's. I think you are crazy to be with her. Why should you have to settle for this? Surely you can do better.
reservoirdog1 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 (edited) So you all believe that cheating is the end all be all of a relationship? The problem with my stuation is she can't admit it. But when I think about it, I don't really want to know what happened. I guess nobody wants to hear that thier gf/bf has been unfaithful. The problem here is her honesty, all doormats aside, she can see that I'm willing to at least atempt to fight through this. She feels horrible, she feels ashamed. As she should. But really, does cheating have to be the end all be all? The older I get, the more I've come to believe that the answer to the question you pose twice above is "yes". A successful relationship is built on a number of things. One of them is trust, which is important for a number of reasons I don't think I need to get into. In your case, suddenly, that trust is gone. Or, if it isn't -- i.e. you still trust her, despite her cheating -- you're a fool. Shattered trust takes years to get over. Do you really want to be paranoid about her behaviour for the next several years? Wondering who those unknown numbers are on her cell phone? Wondering, when she says she's hanging out with a girlfriend, if that's where she REALLY is? Wondering if you're risking catching an STD from her because of some other guy she's screwing on the side (without protection, no less)? Wondering if, god forbid, she gets preganant, the kid is really yours? Being suspicious of her, ALL THE TIME? Another requirement of a successful relationship is mutual respect. Right now, her respect for you is negligible, as Bryanp pointed out. She didn't respect you enough to NOT keep some stripper dude's dick out of her (and I agree, the evidence is pretty strong that she fycked him). Her righteous indignation speaks volumes. You said "this morning we see eachother and she is mad. She says I should have never questioned her and that any signs I thought were there were "retarded" and my thoughts and actions made her wonder if she really wanted to be with me." Dude, that is CLASSIC cheaterspeak. It would be slightly better (only slightly, mind you) if she admitted it. But she won't, and in fact she's MAD at you for questioning her. She's trying to put you on the defensive and keep you there, to distract your focus from where it really belongs -- namely, on HER behaviour. Somebody who truly was innocent would be doing everything possible to convince you that you're mistaken -- using logic, talking to the friends in question, and DEFINITELY not getting mad at you for having the gall to question her. Somebody who's innocent would want to look at the things in the story that don't make sense, and address them, to put your mind at ease. She doesn't care about putting your mind at ease -- instead she's trying to distract you by making this all about you, not her. All of which comes down, again, to her lack of respect for you. And if you take her back, she will continue to lack respect for you. You'll have shown her that she can screw some random guy in secret and lie to you about it, and you'll STILL take her back. Again, it would be another matter if she'd come clean, but she hasn't. And, one other point -- consider your self-respect. Consider how much of a shot in the arm it'll be for you to be able to look at the world, the situation, and your own life and say, "I have certain very reasonable standards I require of people I'll consider sharing my life with. She chose not to meet those standards. She wasn't good enough for me." We teach people how to treat us. By dumping her ass, you're sending a message to yourself, to her and to others that you are not a pushover, and that you won't tolerate shyt like that. And your self-respect is worth its weight in gold. Dude, you only have seven months invested in this cheating beeyotch. That's nothing. You sound like you're young -- you've got your whole life ahead of you, and there are tons of women out there who WON'T cheat on you. Don't tie yourself to this one... she's not worth it. Edited October 6, 2010 by reservoirdog1
MichiganMan222 Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Track down the stripper and ask him what happened.
FryFish Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Make her get an abortion if it turns out she is pregnant.
lkjh Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Dude your gf cheated on you with a stripper and you think that will bring you closer together. That is flat out dumb. Also get checked for std's
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