laurant Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Hi i am new to the site and need advice on what to do! on the 12th September after a few months of silly arguments because i have been paranoid, controlling and jealous, my wife and hand an argument that resulted in me threatening to kill myself and then begging and pleading with her to forgive me, she asked for a break. i agreed as i was ashamed about what i had done and the way i had treated her. i moved into a b&b and she remained at home! on sunday 19th after no communication since i moved out on the 15th i txt her and asked if we could talk. she said she wanted to but it was to soon as her head was a mess. we txt back and forth that night and i got the impression she would forgive me but then on monday she said she needed more time so i left it and then on sunday 26th i txt and asked if we could meet up for a coffee and she agree and so on tuesay 28th we met and she sat there silent i said i realised how i acted and that i was sorry and i had changed but she said i always say that and eventually i asked if she give me another chance but she said no! we left coffee shop and we cuddled and then seperated. next day she txt and asked how i was then went on to say we needed to get together and sort things out meaning bills etc! (so she was telling me it was over) i was to hurt to replay so i left it until the thurday and txt asking her if she was ok and she txt back asking me the same. Today saturday 2nd october i txt and asked if we could meet up for a coffee and she said thats a good idea as we need to sort out how we are going to divide things. we are meeting on monday where she suggested we go for a walk with the dogs as i havent seen them since i moved out! She then txt me on Saturday night and said she needed a favour and would I look after the dogs. As I am staying at my sister I could not bring them here so I said yes but I would have to stay at home and she agreed. Monday morning she cancelled our meeting up but suggested Thursday instead and I said fine! Tuesday I got into house after she left as she left a key for me and then went to work after work I went back and painted the stairs as she has been asking me to do it for weeks. On the night she txt and asked how the dogs are and we had a conversation by txt that felt good but today she txt reminding me to leave my key so I put something to eat in the oven for when she gets back and left putting the key through the letterbox. She txt me an hour after that asking where the key was I told her I put it through the letter box and then she said ‘how am I ment to get in..!’ I told her I didn’t realise it was her key (we both had keys and I assumed the key she left for me was the one I had before the separation) she wasn’t very happy and now she hasn’t txt and mentioned anything about tomorrow (thurs). I was hoping as we seemed to be communicating that I was going to ask her how she felt about the whole situation and hopefully get her to talk to me and open up about how she feels. I am currently going to a councillor to sort out my issues as one of the main things according to my wife sister is that she thinks i will never change and she did say while we were having a coffee that if she forgave me it would be good for 3 weeks and then turn back to normal! i feel my wife is trying to move to fast to sort things out as she is still angry and has feeling she is trying to suppress! i want her to come to counselling with me to try and save our marriage but dont have any idea now i can ask her if she is so bent on this course of action. i dont want to make things worse and destroy any chance of salvaging things so i am at a lose! I feel inside and know she still loves me and that her action about sorting things out is probably her lashing out at me cause she is hurt. i need advice on how to proceed and broach the question of speaking to a councillor any advice would be welcome!
Author laurant Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 hi thanx for the advice i am currently going to a councellor and i am sure she knows this even though we have not talked about it, i am just afraid at the moment of doing or saying anything to make things worse between us not that they could get worse in the fact she had ended the marriage.. Base as far as i can tell on the fact that she doesnt think i can change and when i went to the councellor i asked if i could and he said as long as i want to and am motivated i can. i have already notice results in my thinking but know it could take months to fully come to terms with my as the councellor calls them ISSUES.. I think councelling would help but not sure what she would say and like i said am frightened of pushing her further away and also she has ended it! I dont feel from some of her actions it is fully what she wants and the day after she ended it she txt asking if i was ok but then went on to say we had to sort out things (ie how we were going to divide things) i think it was more in anger than what she actually wants. I think meeting up with her and just asking her how she feels about the whole situation and get her to open up to me and talk. I cant tell her how i feel and what i am doing to change when i find out how she feels. would you agree??? I was hoping after doing the painting and cooking a meal for when she arrived back would help but i think the key situation hasnt helped. she has not been intouch to arrange anything tomorrow and i dont know what to do. i dont want to txt her as i think she is angry about the key and it might just make her angry if i ask! God my heads done in lol....
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