The worst is over. It's all up from here.

[rattled]

Well, I deactivated facebook for the last month, avoided all people and places affiliated with the ex so I didn't have to see or hear about her new relationship. Deep down I knew the inevitable would come. So I manned up, reactivated facebook and went on her page. Profile picture of them, check. More pictures with them holding each other, check. More pictures of them kissing, check. Approval "like" buttons from friends and family, check.

 

My initial feeling? Nothing. My feeling right now? Nothing.

 

I didn't flinch, nor did feel any jealousy, hate, or sadness. I actually feel freed and relieved. The largest boulder has been lifted off my shoulders. For once something related to her didn't hurt me. In more ways, I feel bad that I don't feel worse. There's no more surprises left for me.

 

Now what? I guess it's all up from here

[abust1]

How long have you been broken up? How long NC?

 

I am worried about facing the same thing. I could get on a mutual friend's account and see my ex's page, but I haven't. I have no idea what is going on in her life, but in June she told me she was in love with someone else, same person she cheated on me with in January. Part of me thinks seeing pictures of her with someone else would finally get it through my f'ing head that we are over, forever, and I will stop missing her so damn much. The other part of me is terrified that I would see these pictures and whatever else and have some sort of incapacitating breakdown. Like I have to choose between drawing out the pain and getting it over in a burst. I saw a couple new pictures of her by herself on facebook before I blocked her, and that was enough to freak me out for a couple days. I still painfully imagine even those pictures in my head occasionally, and it has been over a month. I'm not ready.

 

Unfortunately during this drawing out process I have received a couple texts from her since NC (I didn't respond). She didn't have anything nice to say, but just the fact that she was even thinking about me made me happy. I have to keep telling myself that it means nothing, we are over, she hates me, this is just her anger, she doesn't care about me anymore, etc, but it is a constant battle. I catch myself using memories of us together to make myself feel better, like we are still a couple. I'm a pathetic mess.

[bittermelon]

Good for you!!!! I'm so proud of you! So how long did it take for you to reach this point? Something for the rest of us to look forward to....

[EricaH329]

Congrats!! You have a lot more strength than I did!! I wanted so badly to erase my FB page but just couldn't bring myself to do it.

 

Anyway, take this new found sense of self-empowerment and use it to your advantage. Begin focusing on yourself and learning more about who you are and what you want to become. You'll find that the more you better yourself, the less and less you'll think about the ex. Don't get me wrong, there will be days where it feels like you've taken a few steps back... but for every few steps back you take (when headed in the right direction) you'll take a massive leap forward.

 

Good luck!!

[rattled]

Abust: I've been NC for 2 months, on and off since mid July before she started a relationship behind my back (the same relationship she's in right now). The official break up (the loss of the gf/bf title was back in February). On and off relationship since September 2009.

 

I know exactly where your heads at. Before deactivating facebook I saw her delete all the pictures she had of us, deleted comments, wall posts, even deleting my "like" buttons. Hurt like hell, so I said "f*ck facebook, it hurts too much, sh*t is the devil". And you're not pathetic we've all walked a similar path. I waited until most of my hope for reconciliation has subsided and I realized that we were over before I decided to reactivate to see it. It's been a real hard time for me and I have become such a cold person (see my threads, they're all pretty bitter).

 

Am I totally over her? Absolutely not. Am I getting better? At the slowest pace possible. But bottom line is that after this, I know I'll be okay. It's still an uphill battle but I've hit the bottom and I've seen it all.

 

Bittermelon: I'm probably not the best poster child for hope and it took me a LONG time before I could do it. Truth be told, I deactivated facebook AGAIN right after I had my good look at the pictures. I enjoy not having facebook and I don't think I need to be flooded with more pictures of them in the future, especially that thanksgiving and the winter holidays are nearing. This was enough to get me over the hump. But if you want some encouraging words, this was the first time in long time I felt relief.

[rattled]

Congrats!! You have a lot more strength than I did!! I wanted so badly to erase my FB page but just couldn't bring myself to do it.

 

Anyway, take this new found sense of self-empowerment and use it to your advantage. Begin focusing on yourself and learning more about who you are and what you want to become. You'll find that the more you better yourself, the less and less you'll think about the ex. Don't get me wrong, there will be days where it feels like you've taken a few steps back... but for every few steps back you take (when headed in the right direction) you'll take a massive leap forward.

 

Good luck!!

 

Thanks Erica! I guess I was getting kind of bored and frustrated with FB in the first place and the only real reason I had it was to creep my ex. When the pain was too much I knew I had to get rid of it.

 

I'm actually quite baffled at how much I feel like my life is now an open and free lane. I don't even know where to begin. But I'm hoping that this isn't the calm before the storm because I'm really surprising myself at how I'm reacting to this.

[EricaH329]

Thanks Erica! I guess I was getting kind of bored and frustrated with FB in the first place and the only real reason I had it was to creep my ex. When the pain was too much I knew I had to get rid of it.

 

I'm actually quite baffled at how much I feel like my life is now an open and free lane. I don't even know where to begin. But I'm hoping that this isn't the calm before the storm because I'm really surprising myself at how I'm reacting to this.

 

Oh, it's definitely different!! I was scared too, at first. And, to be honest, it most likely is the calm before the storm. But no matter what point you are at a few months from now, know that you were once in this great frame of mind and the lows you will endure will pass... and you'll come out on the other side much stronger and wiser than before.

 

Take a look at this, it's a thread I started that basically explains what I had gone through once the sense of relief began to hit. I think you'd be able to relate to this.

 

It's only up hill from here, even through the hard times, you'll end up a much better and stronger person.

[Ajax]

I made the boneheaded decision to look at my ex's Facebook page last night. She also had deleted the posts I had put on there, but hasn't deleted all the pictures of us. Seeing how she deleted the happy b-day message I left her two weeks before she dumped me hit me like a ton of bricks.

 

But I can only blame myself for looking I suppose.

[rattled]

Ajax it took multiple steps and a lot of trial and error for me. Getting rid of FB didn't all happen at once for me. Deleting my ex as a friend was large stepping stone but very quickly notice that it didn't matter because I could still see her activity through profile picture changes and mutual friends walls. Then blocking her was okay except for the fact that I still saw pictures of her through mutual friends uploads. Then the obvious deactivation. However it became a habit to reactivate and deactivate periodically. That didn't do much for me. But after knowing her relationship went facebook official was much easier for me to let go of social networking altogether.

 

I was given an incentive, which was not to be hurt be any further information about her relationship. I guess you just gotta find your incentive and stick to it.

[Art_Critic]

Congrats.. I guess you are no longer rattled then.

 

Time for you to fill up your facebook page with a new girl and memories with her...

[isitreal]

I'm getting to that sweet point I think. I can't wait till I'm out, yeah it feels good! I went from thinking to myself "How can I win my ex back" to now, "How will I be successful in my next long-term relationship" which is pretty groundbreaking in my situation. Getting alot of projects going and just going to the gym everyday has helped me out alot as well.

 

Let's do this!

[rattled]

I'm getting to that sweet point I think. I can't wait till I'm out, yeah it feels good! I went from thinking to myself "How can I win my ex back" to now, "How will I be successful in my next long-term relationship" which is pretty groundbreaking in my situation. Getting alot of projects going and just going to the gym everyday has helped me out alot as well.

 

Let's do this!

 

Every improvement goes a long way! Keep yourself busy isitreal and you'll make it through. I've started back at the gym after a 2 month haitus and it feels good!