Minjas Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 (edited) I met a girl online about a month ago, after about 2 weeks of communication, we've been on 2 dates since. My past relationships has been either through friends, or just happened without much courtship, dating, etc., so this whole thing of going on dates, rules between dates, etc. are new to me. This particular girl is confusing me a bit with her actions. Below are some signs IMO that she is interested, and also some that puzzles me. Please let me know where I stand, and whether I should continue pursuing her. Good signs: 1) First date, we had dinner, then she invited me up to her place. We played music for each other, and she sang for me. The comfort level and connection was definitely there. We spent about 6.5 hrs together that day, did not get physical though. 2) Second date was yesterday, we saw a movie, then had dinner. A lot of long eye contacts once again, and she was curious about what I was doing the past weekend, whether I went on dates with other girls, etc. 3) Kissed after the second date. Wasn't too long, but very nice. After the kiss she hugged me and kissed me on the neck. We both had early mornings the next day, so ended the date right there. 4) She returns all my calls/texts, and also initiated twice, even though they were just little notes instead of convo. starters. 5) She hasn't signed on to the dating site we communicated through since our first date. Confusing signs: 1) She seems to always be busy on days I suggest to meet next, even when it's a week or so in advance. This was the same when trying to set up the second date, and again for the third date (no plans yet). She does appear to be very busy with her job though, and working into the nights, certain weekends, etc... 2) She didn't want to be seen with me by her condo concierge, and told me it's because the lady is very nosy. I found it weird, but just laughed it off. 3) Her responses to texts are very slow, but not short, non responsive answers.. 4) She hasn't picked up the phone yet when I called, but does call me back when I leave a message. Tonight she texted after I called instead, and said she's sick and is going to sleep. It appears that she's really trying to control the speed of this entire process, and not meet too often. I might just not be used to such a slow pace in dating. Should this be discussed with her, or am I thinking too much? How interested is she? Should I let her control the speed and not push too hard, see where it goes? thanks! edit: Forgot to add that we live about 20 minutes apart, 30 minutes in traffic. So far I've driven over to her both times, even though I didn't ask her to drive over to me, and she does live in the city where there's more to do. Edited October 6, 2010 by Minjas forgot to add..
Love&KissesXoXo Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 hmm.. she might be playing a little hard to get or maybe she might have a boyfriend already......
Author Minjas Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 hmm.. she might be playing a little hard to get or maybe she might have a boyfriend already...... hmm, you think so? We talked a bit about the reason she's looking for a relationship, and she said she realized that even though her life is good and stable, she gets the occasional 'what if' feeling in regards to no one to rely on or come home to, etc... something else that might be important, I'm 25 and she's 30. She was reluctant when we first initiated contact, and said she could be convinced if things went well (first email). Since then, we joke about age related things occasional but nothing big. I'm considered mature for my age, and I do get along with women older than me better. Physically I'm tall, lean and muscular, dress very well... maybe she's just having fun?
that girl Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 It appears that she's really trying to control the speed of this entire process, and not meet too often. It sounds like you're reading way too much into things to me. She's given you ever reason to believe she is legitimately busy and more importantly she's seen you twice in two weeks. She's making time to see you, even if she isn't available every night. She didn't want to be seen with me by her condo concierge, and told me it's because the lady is very nosy. I found it weird, but just laughed it off. I get why this would seem weird, but I used to have a landlord who if he ran into me with anyone expected an introduction. Mostly, I didn't mind and just considered it a quirk, but introducing a guy you're on a second date with could be awkward.
kickintheaz Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I would say she IS Interested.. her life is clearly busy and she gives you the reasons for same... I'd go with the 'she's trying to control the pace of it'.... maybe she's rushed into things before and been burned, maybe she is unsure about the age thing and is just trying to ease herself into it, maybe her life is so genuinely busy that she wants to date you but she is trying to juggle all her other commitments.. the reasons 'against' her interest don't seem to be outweighing the positive signs she doesnt' want to intro a new guy to the concierge, understandable!!! she always replies albeit slowly.. cos she's busy perhaps or doesn't live on her mobile? she call screens... since she will ALWAYS reply.... to be honest, they're good signs!!!! go with it, slowly, don't be the eager puppy jumping up and down shouting 'see me see me see me'... play it joe mentos (i.e. cool) without compromising too much at this early stage (i.e. cancelling plans just to fit her in!)... give and take a bit and you'll see if it settles down soon enough.. oh and of course she's having fun.. thats what dating is all about!!!.. whether this moves onto full blown relationship or not, only time will tell, but enjoy it for the moment... good luck!
Author Minjas Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Thanks all. I am definitely trying to play it cool, as I know how appearing desperate and damper all chances with any relationship. It's just something I'm not used to, as my past relationships developed very quickly, and I was able to see the other person 3-5x per week by end of the first month. I have another question though. How long is considered TOO long when talking about time between dates with someone that's truly interested? 2 weeks?
Author Minjas Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 the reasons 'against' her interest don't seem to be outweighing the positive signs she doesnt' want to intro a new guy to the concierge, understandable!!! she always replies albeit slowly.. cos she's busy perhaps or doesn't live on her mobile? she call screens... since she will ALWAYS reply.... to be honest, they're good signs!!!! good luck! thanks! Why do you consider those good signs? In terms of the cell phone, she leaves it in her bag when we're together, but does check it when I go to the restroom, walk away for a second, etc.
Author Minjas Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 bump.. This past weekend she was out of town. I called her last night but she did not answer. Today I get a text, saying that her new schedule (told me about this last Monday) is really busy, and that she only has 1 day off this week and she already has plans for that day, and said "perhaps another time". Can somebody help me out here? A girl's either interested or not. I never had someone interested but not available so often. Should I just give her up? I have 3 other girls I see more often that's more available, but for some reason I can't get this particular one out of my head because of the chemistry and attraction I felt the times we were together, and I would go exclusive with her at the drop of a hat if it comes down to it... argggghhh
sagetalk Posted October 12, 2010 Posted October 12, 2010 bump.. This past weekend she was out of town. I called her last night but she did not answer. Today I get a text, saying that her new schedule (told me about this last Monday) is really busy, and that she only has 1 day off this week and she already has plans for that day, and said "perhaps another time". Can somebody help me out here? A girl's either interested or not. I never had someone interested but not available so often. Should I just give her up? I have 3 other girls I see more often that's more available, but for some reason I can't get this particular one out of my head because of the chemistry and attraction I felt the times we were together, and I would go exclusive with her at the drop of a hat if it comes down to it... argggghhh Her interest seems low to me, just from my experience. Don't fall for the "she's blowing me off. that's hot" game. If the other girls are into you, go after them.
Author Minjas Posted October 12, 2010 Author Posted October 12, 2010 Her interest seems low to me, just from my experience. Don't fall for the "she's blowing me off. that's hot" game. If the other girls are into you, go after them. Nah, that's definitely not hot in my book... I try to let her go, but I enjoyed the times we were together too much to just count it off. After 3 weeks though, she did go back onto the site we met at and hid her profile.. I wonder if she saw that I was still active, shouldn't matter though I suppose?
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