forbidden fruit Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Today I was at a coffeehouse doing work. When in walks xmm. He had to knew I was there my car was parked out front. The skin on my arm raised up and when I looked up he was saying hi right over me. He pulled up a seat and just looked at me. I said what? He said he was sorry for hurting me and did care about me. He moved because he thought we were going to get caught and we would lose everything. He said he hard time letting go and he still wants to be friends. He told me he did this to save our kids of two divorces. I was in a fog and he came to reality. He said I will probably never understand why he did what he did and he did it for me. He did what he did because of the situation was getting out of control not because he did not want to be with me. He knew he could never hurt everyone. He wanted to give me time to cool down before approaching me. He continued to stare and I think there was a tear in his eye. "He wants to be friends, and forget that we slept together because it was wrong." Before I put opinion in on what happened, I would like to hear others opinion.
desertIslandCactus Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 "When Harry Met Sally". Seldom can a man and woman be 'friends'. Because normally, one of them will want more. You hurt, you healed - his 'tear' cannot be used to tear you apart again. (and I don't even know your story.)
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Today I was at a coffeehouse doing work. When in walks xmm. He had to knew I was there my car was parked out front. The skin on my arm raised up and when I looked up he was saying hi right over me. He pulled up a seat and just looked at me. I said what? He said he was sorry for hurting me and did care about me. He moved because he thought we were going to get caught and we would lose everything. He said he hard time letting go and he still wants to be friends. He told me he did this to save our kids of two divorces. I was in a fog and he came to reality. He said I will probably never understand why he did what he did and he did it for me. He did what he did because of the situation was getting out of control not because he did not want to be with me. He knew he could never hurt everyone. He wanted to give me time to cool down before approaching me. He continued to stare and I think there was a tear in his eye. "He wants to be friends, and forget that we slept together because it was wrong." Before I put opinion in on what happened, I would like to hear others opinion. Boo hoo-hoo for him. FF, do NOT be friends with him. It'll only mess you up and cause problems in your marriage. You've been through enough with this schmuck! I hope you told him NO and to leave you alone. Closure is done, move on sweets. Focus on your kids, your husband and living life without him in it.
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Now, what's your opinion of this? I really hope you're not considering a friendship. Once you have an affair with someone (and you two are both married with kids) and the A ends, it's pointless to be friends. NO GOOD can come of this. He's a big boy and can take care of himself, so don't worry about hurting his feelings when you reject his offer of friendship.
lkjh Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 of course she is considering "being friends with him". We all know her FF, you are a lost cause. For the love of all that is good stop disrespecting your husband and family. Just divorce him so he kind find someone that is worth it. You never got over this guy and you never will. Stop using your kids and family to stay near this guy. People who are not familar with FF will think what I wrote is wrong but this is a affair that has been going on for 4 years and she never learns.
lkjh Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 Oh and use your common sense, the guy doesn't want to be friends, he wants to bang you again and he knows you will jump right back in. Especially if he says something like 'I did this for you". HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU, YOUR FAMILY, OR HIS FAMILY. HE CARES ABOUT HIMSELF.
Author forbidden fruit Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Now, what's your opinion of this? I really hope you're not considering a friendship. Once you have an affair with someone (and you two are both married with kids) and the A ends, it's pointless to be friends. NO GOOD can come of this. He's a big boy and can take care of himself, so don't worry about hurting his feelings when you reject his offer of friendship. I am not going to be friends contrary to what others think. I have worked to hard to get to where i am emotionally. Seeing him was not fun or easy. He has not changed or will not, but I have. I know he wants to be friends to keep the door open. I know he never loved me or cared about me. I know it was about easy sex. I know what he meant to me and I know what I meant to him. It's over and I will smile and wave, but will never go back to where I was.
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 But did you make it clear to him that you want no friendship with him? That you can't stand the sight of him and he makes you sick? BE MEAN to him if need be so he will leave you alone.
KarmasTestDummy Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 If u can still bring a tear to his eye and he can still make the hair on ur arms stand up but nothing will ever come of it then you are going To set urself up for more disappointment and heartache. Nc can hurt too clearly but unfulfilled hope is ten times worse.
Author forbidden fruit Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 If u can still bring a tear to his eye and he can still make the hair on ur arms stand up but nothing will ever come of it then you are going To set urself up for more disappointment and heartache. Nc can hurt too clearly but unfulfilled hope is ten times worse. I am not sure what u are trying to say?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 (edited) She's saying that you still care enough to be REALLY hurt by this guy again. Let's assume that everything he said was true. That his actions were some altruistic move to save both families from devistation. Then thank him profusely and explain that there is NO reason in this world for you two to be friends. This is for you, and for YOUR family, and you can get some brownie points by throwing his kids and wife in too. Turn it around on him, and say that he was right, he was the strong one when someone needed to be strong, but THIS time its you who is going inforce the boundries he so galantly put into place. THE END. Edited October 6, 2010 by IfWishesWereHorses
Author forbidden fruit Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 She's saying that you still care enough to be REALLY hurt by this guy again. Let's assume that everything he said was true. That his actions were some altruistic move to save both families from devistation. Then thank him profusely and explain that there is NO reason in this world for you two to be friends. This is for you, and for YOUR family, and you can get some brownie points by throwing his kids and wife in too. Turn it around on him, and say that he was right, he was the strong one when someone needed to be strong, but THIS time its you who is going inforce the boundries he so galantly put into place. THE END. Your right, he and I know exactly what he means by friends. I really think he has no intention of being my friend he is just trying to pacify me.
Author forbidden fruit Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 But did you make it clear to him that you want no friendship with him? That you can't stand the sight of him and he makes you sick? BE MEAN to him if need be so he will leave you alone. I think he will leave me alone after he said what he wanted to say. Closure for both of us?
greengoddess Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I think he will leave me alone after he said what he wanted to say. Closure for both of us? He wasn't looking for closure. He was looking for an opening.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 FF - you do realize he is making himself out to be the good guy taking the high road, and you to be the bad guy who was determined to ruin everyone? If someone came to me on a moral 'doing the right thing' high horse after everything he did to you - I'd kick him off so hard his teeth would rattle. How dare he make himself out to be the "saint"? He moved because he didn't want to get caught, not because he cared about you, what you had to lose, nor did he give a damn about what would happen to you. He was out to save his own ass, and his own ass only. I'd refuse any offer of 'friends' from someone who set me up to lose everything and then bailed as soon as it started looking rough for himself. What a frikken' jackass! :mad::mad:
seren Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I am not going to be friends contrary to what others think. I have worked to hard to get to where i am emotionally. Seeing him was not fun or easy. He has not changed or will not, but I have. I know he wants to be friends to keep the door open. I know he never loved me or cared about me. I know it was about easy sex. I know what he meant to me and I know what I meant to him. It's over and I will smile and wave, but will never go back to where I was. I think this is such a sad statement to read, I hope you never have to say that someone just used you for sex or didn't care about you. I also hope you care for yourself more to tell him to sod off and run, run for the hills! Don't open the door, not even a tiny bit. Take very good care, I hope you love yourself so much you will never settle for a just sex relationship when you want more. Seren x
bentnotbroken Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 All the years that you have been posting FF, very little has changed with your mentality. Letting him sit down without you getting up and walking away. Noticing the "tear":sick: in his eye. Entertaining his load of crap. Your mentality is still firmly entrenced in the affair. You are still emotionally tied to this man and I would bet even money that will eventually end up in a PA with this person(who is not a man)again.
Samantha0905 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 He wasn't looking for closure. He was looking for an opening. I agree with this. Men who truly want to end things simply end things. FF - you do realize he is making himself out to be the good guy taking the high road, and you to be the bad guy who was determined to ruin everyone? I agree with this also because it happened to me in my affair. If someone came to me on a moral 'doing the right thing' high horse after everything he did to you - I'd kick him off so hard his teeth would rattle. Ditto. Mine kept using the "you're married" and "this isn't right and a sin" method of manipulation -- and that's what it was. He would actually get tears in his eyes and go on about Bible studies, God and ask me, "How can you do this?" This would go on right after sex. OMG!!! Wonder why the discussion wasn't had before the sex act. It wasn't him really feeling that way because if he truly felt that way, wouldn't he have stopped having the affair? As the saying goes, "I wasn't holding a gun to his head" the many times we had sex. Unless my va-jay-jay cast some sort of evil spell on him. FF, if your XMM really was a changed man he would have ended things with you and moved on with his wife. Do you think it's nice to his wife for him to walk in and explain things to you at this point? He made a decision to move back in with his wife to work on things supposedly? I personally thinks it's him covering his ass with his wife and you -- especially now that he's made contact with you again. I do think people can repent and move forward to repair damage, but he totally showed this isn't what he is about by making contact with you. He has an agenda. It's sex. He's buttering you up describing himself as some sort of caring man -- cares for you, cares for his wife, cares for both families (blah, blah and insert violin music.) He will eventually -- if you are agreeable -- work himself up to making his move with you again. Then he will be back home and still having you on the side. Voila! How dare he make himself out to be the "saint"? Thank you! I always wanted to respond to my XAP like PeeWee Herman -- "I know you are, but what am I?" I believe we were both participants and he knew I was married. I'd say we both pretty much stunk. It really is grating when someone does what your XMM is doing FF. He's a saint huh? Doing the right thing? Okay. Aaaaaaggggghhhh! He moved because he didn't want to get caught, not because he cared about you, what you had to lose, nor did he give a damn about what would happen to you. He was out to save his own ass, and his own ass only. Sadly -- true again. I'd refuse any offer of 'friends' from someone who set me up to lose everything and then bailed as soon as it started looking rough for himself. What a frikken' jackass! :mad::mad: Yes. FF, it's difficult when you feel you have some sort of emotionally valid feelings for this person. But are they really? I don't think -- in hindsight as usual -- my XAP and I truly cared about one another or would we have really dragged each other through all the affair mess?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 FF, I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that he never loved you. Your MM is an attention-seeking, selfish, drama king. I don't believe he's capable of real "unselfish love". I'm glad that you feel so strongly that you will not go back on your convictions.
TigerCub Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 He didn't want to hurt anyone? WOW really, then why was he f*cking around on his wife? That wasn't gonna hurt anyone? Oh, the poor confused little saint, was being corrupted by the evil b*tch aaawww, a tear in his eye? You should have kicked him in the nuts, then he'll really have somethin to cry about
whichwayisup Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I think he will leave me alone after he said what he wanted to say. Closure for both of us? No he won't. You need to be CLEAR with him that you want nothing to do with him and fact that he's even bothering to talk to you after everything that's been said and done just shows what a selfish prick he is. This isn't closure, atleast for him, gg is right, it's an opening and HE was testing YOU. I'm sure he was hoping you'd cave and say "let's be friends again." Your kids can play with his kids, but you don't have to get involved or deal with him. How old are your kids now? I asked you before on another thread but don't think you answered.
Author forbidden fruit Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 No he won't. You need to be CLEAR with him that you want nothing to do with him and fact that he's even bothering to talk to you after everything that's been said and done just shows what a selfish prick he is. This isn't closure, atleast for him, gg is right, it's an opening and HE was testing YOU. I'm sure he was hoping you'd cave and say "let's be friends again." Your kids can play with his kids, but you don't have to get involved or deal with him. How old are your kids now? I asked you before on another thread but don't think you answered. My kids are 9 and 12. I think you are exactly right. Another disgusting thing mm said. He told me he has been going to some sort of place to get a happy ending because he figures while everyone is having affairs it is easier to pay for it. I all know what u are going to say about this. Yesterday after talking he showed up school and said two times in one day and then jokingly flipped me off. WTF?
lkjh Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 All the years that you have been posting FF, very little has changed with your mentality. Letting him sit down without you getting up and walking away. Noticing the "tear":sick: in his eye. Entertaining his load of crap. Your mentality is still firmly entrenced in the affair. You are still emotionally tied to this man and I would bet even money that will eventually end up in a PA with this person(who is not a man)again. You are 100% correct
whichwayisup Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 My kids are 9 and 12. I think you are exactly right. Another disgusting thing mm said. He told me he has been going to some sort of place to get a happy ending because he figures while everyone is having affairs it is easier to pay for it. I all know what u are going to say about this. Yesterday after talking he showed up school and said two times in one day and then jokingly flipped me off. WTF? He's f*kcing with you. Remember, this is the man who LOVES when you react. He's pushing your buttons. Why else would he tell you that stuff? Tell him to shove it up his ass and to leave you alone. He isn't interested in friendship, you do know this right? As for the kids, try to keep them busy. School activities, other kids to play with after school, enroll them in swimming or karate somewhere else other than on school property.
Author forbidden fruit Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 He's f*kcing with you. Remember, this is the man who LOVES when you react. He's pushing your buttons. Why else would he tell you that stuff? Tell him to shove it up his ass and to leave you alone. He isn't interested in friendship, you do know this right? As for the kids, try to keep them busy. School activities, other kids to play with after school, enroll them in swimming or karate somewhere else other than on school property. I will tell him to shove it, it is so ridiculous. You all think he wants to start this whole thing over when it wil only have the same outcome? Is he really that desperate for free sex.
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