livelife Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I've posted on here a couple times. I have had to go NC with my ex plenty of times, but the two major times were this summer, and now. both times I claimed that we couldnt be friends. So im going NC with my ex. We broke up forever ago, but he has kept pulling me along since. Its been 7 months since our official breakup. Recently ( this past week) its been hard, he was the focus during my senior year. I mean that as since the start to the end of my senior year, everything was about him. He was in it that whole time. Drama, Dating, and more drama with him.he was my first love, my first everrrrything. He was my senior prom date. Now when I go back at my senior pictures, there he is, and theres nothing to change that. It hurts, that I cant talk to him. He recently was telling me how much he missed me and how he couldnt stop thinking about me and that it was driving him crazy, he had to see me. We hung out, and it was weird- i havent seen him in half a year- this was about 3 weeks ago. Anyways, since then, he has made it clear that he doesnt like me more than a friend, and he needs me as a friend. I said no, that we couldn't be friends. Since then, i ended things on a good note, i apologized if i said anything hurtful and just was nice. He apologized too and that was that- I thought. Then, like 3 days later, I run into this girl he was dating for a month ish. She claimed that she hated him- I heard they had drama. She was drunk, so she calls him and goes Im here partying with your ex girlfriend!! And we are talking so much shi* about you right now!! ( in reality, I wasn't, i was just standing there) So the next day, i texted him and I told him that I wasn't talking crap about him. His reply:" mmmhmm" I said, " haha, thats fine I don't care if you don't believe me." Then I go, " but really, (my friend) was the one standing there doing all the talking, but whatever" No reply. I have just really really missed him/my senior year this past couple days. I just want someone there for me, I don't miss who he is now, I miss who he was when me and him were dating, I miss those days. I don't know. I guess i just really needed to vent =/ *** I posted that earlier in a different forum. After this happened, I decided to go out to eat with my brother. My brother was sitting against the restaurant, while I was sitting towards it. We were outside, so I was facing the door. From inside, I see my ex walking outside where we were sitting with a couple friends. Instantly i'm like oh my god... and my brother asks what i'm freaking out for. I tell him and he just starts laughing, so I start laughing. THen I look up and my ex waves, I wave and get back to my own business. My ex is sitting so I'm looking directly at him, he was facing me and I was facing him. My brother offers to scoot over to block my view of my ex and I agree, so we both slowly scoot so I don't have to look at my ex. Then, my ex switches seats with one of his friends ( don't ask me why) so yet again, he is in my view. I tell my brother which he thought was weird, so my brother scoots more haha! Then, I get a text from my ex " Hi there! haha" I didn't reply.I was getting texts from other friends though, so I think he might have seen me open my phone, and text someone back, but I didnt reply to him. He was there when I ignored him! haha! We quickly got to-go boxes and left. When I left I said bye, and we walked out. What the heckkk?! Thoughts?
Author livelife Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Also a quick thought: When i got home, I was thinking about it. and I feel like my ex could have thought I was on a date? I don't know, he knows my brother, but who knows. My brothers back was towards him, and I was smiling and laughing and stuff. I also made eye contact with him once. He kinda looked sad/upset/uncomfortable, I can't really explain it.
Trovador Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I also wonder why exes insist so much on being friends... why can't they go away from our lives? Why can't they go NC as much as we want? ha ha... Seriously, I wonder why isn't she in my place (the one hoping, waiting for possible calls, overthinking and so on) and viceversa... By the way, you are overanalyzing stuff too much, according to what you wrote about him, he doesn´t seem a monster, just a regular guy who, at this moment, is not that much into you as a romantical partner, just as a friend... is that a sin? I think not... Look at it this way: if you find an extraordinary person, nice, smart, etc, and for some reason you break up with him, wouldn´t you like to keep it in your life? My ex used to tell me "I want you in my life, it doesn't matter if it is only as a friend... you are that important... take it as you want" I took it as if I'm not important as a lover, I don't want to be important as a friend... and I've running away from her since then... confusing, isn't it?
Trovador Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I mean, don't push yourself too hard, at least he isn't stringing you along... he was clear about the friendship thing so I, in your place, would keep LC Light Contact... at least while I'd gather my **** together... sometimes, it's us the ones stringing ourselves along... (sorry for my bad English)
Author livelife Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 I also wonder why exes insist so much on being friends... why can't they go away from our lives? Why can't they go NC as much as we want? ha ha... Seriously, I wonder why isn't she in my place (the one hoping, waiting for possible calls, overthinking and so on) and viceversa... By the way, you are overanalyzing stuff too much, according to what you wrote about him, he doesn´t seem a monster, just a regular guy who, at this moment, is not that much into you as a romantical partner, just as a friend... is that a sin? I think not... Look at it this way: if you find an extraordinary person, nice, smart, etc, and for some reason you break up with him, wouldn´t you like to keep it in your life? My ex used to tell me "I want you in my life, it doesn't matter if it is only as a friend... you are that important... take it as you want" I took it as if I'm not important as a lover, I don't want to be important as a friend... and I've running away from her since then... confusing, isn't it? See, I went back and read what I wrote, and i didn't mention alot of details. Basically, he is a jerk, he played me for far too long, I just didnt go into detail about that ( the thread would be too long) None of my friends like him, infact, they all hate his guts. They hate hearing about him, so thats why I come here for advice. But I agree, the thing is, im not 100% over him. Im starting to be, but not quite. So until i am over him, I can't be friends with him.. i kind of don't care to.
Author livelife Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 I mean, don't push yourself too hard, at least he isn't stringing you along... he was clear about the friendship thing so I, in your place, would keep LC Light Contact... at least while I'd gather my **** together... sometimes, it's us the ones stringing ourselves along... (sorry for my bad English) Yes, he was clear about the friendship thing. But, the thing is, about a week before he was clear about that, he was texting me about how much he missed me, and how he couldnt stop thinking about me, and one time, he even went to say that he still had feelings for me. See why I was so confused? But now that he was clear about it, and i stated that I didnt want to be friends, I thought it was funny that he did that at the restaurant yesterday.
Author livelife Posted October 6, 2010 Author Posted October 6, 2010 Seriously, I wonder why isn't she in my place (the one hoping, waiting for possible calls, overthinking and so on) and viceversa... If you think about it, they could easily be in our spot. We go NC, they wonder why we go NC. People think about things alot and we may not even realize it, they may not even act like it, but at night it could be killing them... ( maybe not killing, but you get the gist )
Trovador Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Yep, you are right, a break is not a breeze in the park for them either, it's just that they are more convinced about the split than what we are... But why the insistence at being friends? Why bothering in giving us just scraps and not the whole tamale? Why playing with us and sending mixed signals? If they want the break up that much why simply they don't disappear from our lives right away? Well, if your ex was a jerk, you have a powerful reason not to jump in the friendship wagon... If only our heart knew too well as our mind...
Author livelife Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Yep, you are right, a break is not a breeze in the park for them either, it's just that they are more convinced about the split than what we are... But why the insistence at being friends? Why bothering in giving us just scraps and not the whole tamale? Why playing with us and sending mixed signals? If they want the break up that much why simply they don't disappear from our lives right away? Well, if your ex was a jerk, you have a powerful reason not to jump in the friendship wagon... If only our heart knew too well as our mind... Exactly, and this time around its easier for me, becuase it has happened soo many times, that he has messed with me. But yes, he was a jerk. I would love to be friends with him maybe in the future, but right now? I don't see that happening. And I completely agree with you- they broke up with us, they don't just automatically get a piece of me!! Its weird, its like hey we were just telling eachother that we loved eachother, but now we're best friends,nothing more...pal. haha. It's funny how easy it is to do NC when its your turn to mess with your ex, like when that incident happened at the restaurant, It was soo easy to just ignore his text, I felt powerful! it's awesome. I hope your doing ok with your situation with your ex!
Trovador Posted October 7, 2010 Posted October 7, 2010 Yep, it is aggravating when they remind us the limits of the friendship... "don´t call me sweetheart, we are just friends", "I trust you a lot, you are a good buddy"... My ex and I are coworkers. I am just letting the friendship die of inanition... I find easier and more gratifying "slipping away" from her than going NC... According to her, we are friends but I wonder when is going to realize that I don´t call her or seek her. Funny, yesterday she saw me talking eagerly to another girl and she didn´t call the whole day (she calls me 3 or 4 times every day) but at night she did it angrily, asking why in hell I hadn't called. I don't get it. Actually, I'm getting over her faster with this odd arrangement, while if I was in NC I'd be wondering about her and waiting for her call so I could ignore her... it's crazy... Honestly, at last I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel... good luck and please, tell us how you are doing...
Author livelife Posted October 7, 2010 Author Posted October 7, 2010 Yep, it is aggravating when they remind us the limits of the friendship... "don´t call me sweetheart, we are just friends", "I trust you a lot, you are a good buddy"... My ex and I are coworkers. I am just letting the friendship die of inanition... I find easier and more gratifying "slipping away" from her than going NC... According to her, we are friends but I wonder when is going to realize that I don´t call her or seek her. Funny, yesterday she saw me talking eagerly to another girl and she didn´t call the whole day (she calls me 3 or 4 times every day) but at night she did it angrily, asking why in hell I hadn't called. I don't get it. Actually, I'm getting over her faster with this odd arrangement, while if I was in NC I'd be wondering about her and waiting for her call so I could ignore her... it's crazy... Honestly, at last I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel... good luck and please, tell us how you are doing... Thats awesome!! Good for you Thats funny, I was actually thinking about that today- What if I told my ex I would be friends, but I would just act like i'm not his friend. Buttt in his mind, we're friends? Hm. Oh well:) Thank you so much for your advice/words and I will definitely keep you updated!! Keep me updated on how you're doing as well
Trovador Posted October 8, 2010 Posted October 8, 2010 I guess it might work only if you really want to move on, because the initial rejection is still there... I don´t know why she doesn't realize that I am killing the friendship... I never call her and she does most of the talking... but in all truth we enjoy our conversations and rare moments together, we laugh a lot and we try to talk about kind of "deep" themes... it's not a game or a trick, I really want to walk out from that relationship, but I am doing my best to leave her a very good impression of me... In sum, I am doing very well... since the break up it's really the first time I am feeling fine... You deserve the best, you will get the best...
Author livelife Posted October 8, 2010 Author Posted October 8, 2010 I guess it might work only if you really want to move on, because the initial rejection is still there... I don´t know why she doesn't realize that I am killing the friendship... I never call her and she does most of the talking... but in all truth we enjoy our conversations and rare moments together, we laugh a lot and we try to talk about kind of "deep" themes... it's not a game or a trick, I really want to walk out from that relationship, but I am doing my best to leave her a very good impression of me... In sum, I am doing very well... since the break up it's really the first time I am feeling fine... You deserve the best, you will get the best... Thats awesome to here:) thats how I am too, its the first time I am feeling fine too. I have caught myself thinking about him, but then I realize I rarely think of him anymore!!
Trovador Posted October 9, 2010 Posted October 9, 2010 I don´t know how have you been able to endure my bad English but thanks for sharing, I'm glad you are doing fine too... well, I'm not supporting LC, it's just due to my circunstances (being coworkers) but elaborating about something you said before, about your ex prolly thinking that you were hanging out with other guy (not your brother), I don't know if I should say this but a bit of jealousy it's useful sometimes, or at least is funny... Today I asked to my ex something that another girl told me one of these days, I mean something totally alien to my ex; when she realized I was taking her for another girlshe got mad, asked me "who are you talking to?" and ended the call. But she kept calling me all the afternoon, even at night, something she rarely did even while we were sweeties... She cryptically invited me to go out some time (that I crypticalle refused). It was odd and I know for sure it was because my slip of tongue, that I did candidly... It so confusing... getting back with someone only functions if you really don't want get back with them? Is a reconciliation only possible when you don't want it anymore? As the ancient sages said: you get greatest things when you stop desiring them... I think the worst is over... and that's thanks to nice people like you... good luck dear friend!
Author livelife Posted October 13, 2010 Author Posted October 13, 2010 I don´t know how have you been able to endure my bad English but thanks for sharing, I'm glad you are doing fine too... well, I'm not supporting LC, it's just due to my circunstances (being coworkers) but elaborating about something you said before, about your ex prolly thinking that you were hanging out with other guy (not your brother), I don't know if I should say this but a bit of jealousy it's useful sometimes, or at least is funny... Today I asked to my ex something that another girl told me one of these days, I mean something totally alien to my ex; when she realized I was taking her for another girlshe got mad, asked me "who are you talking to?" and ended the call. But she kept calling me all the afternoon, even at night, something she rarely did even while we were sweeties... She cryptically invited me to go out some time (that I crypticalle refused). It was odd and I know for sure it was because my slip of tongue, that I did candidly... It so confusing... getting back with someone only functions if you really don't want get back with them? Is a reconciliation only possible when you don't want it anymore? As the ancient sages said: you get greatest things when you stop desiring them... I think the worst is over... and that's thanks to nice people like you... good luck dear friend! I don't know how that happens.. but it does!! Once you aren't chasing what you want anymore and start to move onto the next thing, they all of the sudden want you back. Ill admit, i've been in that position too! We want what we can't have. It sounds like you're in control with the situation with you and your ex though. You have the upperhand. Good luck to you too!! Keep me updated:)
Trovador Posted October 13, 2010 Posted October 13, 2010 Hi there, you don´t mention how are you doing. I guess it is a week after you went NC, isn't it? Are you better? Have you had a setback? Remember, this is your NC thread and I'd like to know how a brokenhearted fellow is doing... I think our main problem is that most of the time we don't know exactly what we want from our exes. I do know what I want right now. Peace. I'm sick of the way I have been living these past months. I want to be free of this burden, and I am getting there, but as you surely know, it's not cost free... I am sure though that I have paid most of my dues... I am grateful every day is better than the one before... A final thought: it is sad to stop loving... more than when someone stops loving us...
Author livelife Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 You're right! It's been longer when I said I couldnt be friends anymore, but when he contacted me at the restaurant that was last Tuesday, so over a week ago ( remember, I didnt reply!) I have not heard from him since, I have not talked to him. I am doing soo much better, Sure I think about him from time to time, but its not as much as I used to. Recently, I have caught myself thinking " will he ever contact me again? He told me to contact him when I want to be friends, which will be never, so will I ever hear from him again?" and I think about if he wants me again, but then I tell myself that it will never happen ( I know it won't, nor do I care if it doesnt!!) Because he wants to be just friends. It is very funny because he is a senior in highschool. He has downgraded himself so much, and its quite funny to see him running around trying to find girls to date. He is SO desperate. Its a new girl every week, really. I forgot what you said about your ex so I need to submit this reply and then read what you said, and reply to that. Thanks for checking up:) I forgot this was my nc thread!
Author livelife Posted October 14, 2010 Author Posted October 14, 2010 I think our main problem is that most of the time we don't know exactly what we want from our exes. I do know what I want right now. Peace. I'm sick of the way I have been living these past months. I want to be free of this burden, and I am getting there, but as you surely know, it's not cost free... I am sure though that I have paid most of my dues... I am grateful every day is better than the one before... A final thought: it is sad to stop loving... more than when someone stops loving us... You're completely right about that we don't know what we want from our exes. We say we want NC...but is that what we REALLY want? I doubt it. I am sick of living this way too, and I am close to 100% better. Not quite, but i'm definitely getting there! Im glad your healing too. Are you dating other people? Have you still been talking to your ex? Btw- Never stop loving!! Love anything as much as possible, even if its just loving what you eat for lunch that day
Author livelife Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 so lately ( the past 2 days maybe) I have been thinking about him and there are moments that i REALLY miss him. I don't like it!!! But I won't become weak enough to where I will talk to him!
Leandro Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 so lately ( the past 2 days maybe) I have been thinking about him and there are moments that i REALLY miss him. I don't like it!!! But I won't become weak enough to where I will talk to him! Good job!! I miss my ex a lot too but I refuse to contact her. Keep it up!
Author livelife Posted October 16, 2010 Author Posted October 16, 2010 Good job!! I miss my ex a lot too but I refuse to contact her. Keep it up! Thanks for the support!! You do the same!! If you need anything, you can vent to us on here
Leandro Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Thanks for the support!! You do the same!! If you need anything, you can vent to us on here alright. i have my own thred in the coping section. that's where I vent.
Trovador Posted October 16, 2010 Posted October 16, 2010 Hi, somehow, not fighting against the urge to contact the ex is more dangerous, because after some days of being fine, you fall apart and without thinking pick up the phone or send an email... Well, now I still feel fine, no urges, no need to know about my ex, no desire to talk to her and I don't want her to contact me... We were talking again, hours at day and I am sure that if we kept that going on, we would end together again... but I really don't want to keep her around, I was on the verge of telling her that we should go NC when we fought, she said things and I took advantage of that... I told her goodbye for ever. I am going NC this time, but I don't see it as a battle or a punishment... I see it as something liberating, something I really want to do because I don't want her to have anything of me... to be honest, I felt I couldn't stand her anymore, those long talks! She called me too much, real friends don't do that! But I have been there, where you are now and it sux, but I used to repeat this mantra of mine: "I'll be fine... I'm going to feel allright..." until, eventually, I felt fine... You are going to be all right... please, believe it...
Author livelife Posted October 17, 2010 Author Posted October 17, 2010 Hi, somehow, not fighting against the urge to contact the ex is more dangerous, because after some days of being fine, you fall apart and without thinking pick up the phone or send an email... Well, now I still feel fine, no urges, no need to know about my ex, no desire to talk to her and I don't want her to contact me... We were talking again, hours at day and I am sure that if we kept that going on, we would end together again... but I really don't want to keep her around, I was on the verge of telling her that we should go NC when we fought, she said things and I took advantage of that... I told her goodbye for ever. I am going NC this time, but I don't see it as a battle or a punishment... I see it as something liberating, something I really want to do because I don't want her to have anything of me... to be honest, I felt I couldn't stand her anymore, those long talks! She called me too much, real friends don't do that! But I have been there, where you are now and it sux, but I used to repeat this mantra of mine: "I'll be fine... I'm going to feel allright..." until, eventually, I felt fine... You are going to be all right... please, believe it... Thats awesome to hear- how you were once in my situation and now you don't even care to have anything with your ex!! I agree, i don't want my ex to have any part of me- He wants to be friends.. I don't care. He just doesnt still get me like that. It's not an urge I have to contact him, I don't have an urge to see him, Its just missing him from time to time. I'll be ok
Trovador Posted October 17, 2010 Posted October 17, 2010 Above all, don't overrate him, he was just a guy who was in the right place at the right time... Without being meany but realistic, I used to think my ex was a gift from God, but gradually I realized it was just of the same, nobody to suffer for... nobody to put in a pedestal and pray to them... I just gave some light into her mundane life, it was me who saw her and her life as something special when in reality both were as plain as they can get... I wonder what was I thinking ha ha!
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