CLC2008 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Does anyone ever find yourself attracted to a person who has a certain je ne sais quoi, only to find later on that that "je ne sais quoi" turns out to be startling similarities in appearance, personality and/or mannerism to an ex? If so, how do you adjust this mindset?
Star Gazer Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 That's only happened to me once, with the first guy I dated right after my ex... But it was fairly minor, they had some identical pieces of property, but it was just coincidental. They didn't have anything else in common. But if I ever noticed similar appearances, mannerisms, etc. I'd take a HUGE step back and question whether I was trying to replicate my relationship. As it stands, all the guys I've dated have been pretty different...
Author CLC2008 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 That's only happened to me once, with the first guy I dated right after my ex... But it was fairly minor, they had some identical pieces of property, but it was just coincidental. They didn't have anything else in common. But if I ever noticed similar appearances, mannerisms, etc. I'd take a HUGE step back and question whether I was trying to replicate my relationship. As it stands, all the guys I've dated have been pretty different... The men that I have dated don't have the same physical characteristics at all, and their personalities were different in terms of how they interacted with people and myself included. I would definitely not want to date anyone that reminded me of an ex. But I notice, that after someone I dated over two years ago, I have found myself drawn to similar personalities. And, I have noticed that I am projecting certain behaviors because of it, when in reality - they are two different people. I dont want to dwell on the feelings I had for this person, I want to continue to move past it.
USMCHokie Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 But I notice, that after someone I dated over two years ago, I have found myself drawn to similar personalities. And, I have noticed that I am projecting certain behaviors because of it, when in reality - they are two different people. That doesn't necessarily have to be a negative thing...perhaps you've found the type of personality that you are most compatible with...the characteristics of the kind of guy you get along the best with...and I'd think that is actually a great thing to recognize...but you just need to avoid associating that kind of personality with an ex...and instead associate it with the kind of guy you're looking for...and I know it's hard to do...but it's just something you have to do... Think about it this way, if you're drawn to a certain kind of personality, then it's not because you're trying to replace an ex, but because you're attracted to that personality... If we weren't allowed to have overlapping characteristics, personalities, and qualities from relationship to relationship, we wouldn't be able to date for very long, right...?
Author CLC2008 Posted October 5, 2010 Author Posted October 5, 2010 That doesn't necessarily have to be a negative thing...perhaps you've found the type of personality that you are most compatible with...the characteristics of the kind of guy you get along the best with...and I'd think that is actually a great thing to recognize...but you just need to avoid associating that kind of personality with an ex...and instead associate it with the kind of guy you're looking for...and I know it's hard to do...but it's just something you have to do... Think about it this way, if you're drawn to a certain kind of personality, then it's not because you're trying to replace an ex, but because you're attracted to that personality... If we weren't allowed to have overlapping characteristics, personalities, and qualities from relationship to relationship, we wouldn't be able to date for very long, right...? I know I cannot avoid overlapping characteristics. I have never been in such a situation, where I've felt like other personalities reminded me of one specific person, someone of whom I have struggled with keeping good thoughts towards in the end. And, I certainly don't want to project negative feelings and disappointment from it, towards other people who have similar personalities. It's just something I find myself struggling with at times, and when it starts to overwhelm me, I need to readjust.
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