actually, i need to "figure myself out" too.

[pandagirl]

After pondering and wondering what my ex meant by saying he was "lost" and needing to "find himself" again, I've realized that I've actually been totally lost, too. And part of the reason our relationship combusted, was because I was trying to use him as my compass.

 

I've never been the type to depend on a guy for my happiness, because I've always had so many good things going for me in my life. But the last two years of my life have been rough. I once was an ambitious career woman, who left her job voluntarily to pursue something I believed in more. I was once a very well-respected professional in my field, producing quality work. Years later of trying to figure out what this "thing" is, I'm as lost as ever. My identity has suffered as a consequence. I don't know who I am anymore.

 

I've lost direction and focus in my life, which has led me into more depressive episodes and my self-confidence has suffered. I inadvertently used my ex as my grounding, because it was the only consistent thing in my life, and I began to rely on him more for my emotional well-being. Him sensing this in lieu with his other life issues, made him pull away.

 

I've always thought he just pushed me away, but now I realize I pushed him away too. The whole thing is sad, but also I know I am finding strength to make myself happy again. I just don't really know how I got to this point. I used to be so self-assured and always knew I could accomplish anything, because I always did.

 

I need to figure out what makes me happy again.

Edited October 5, 2010 by pandagirl

[Ajax]

I think I'm on the flip side of the coin. Before and during my relationship with my ex I had it all figured out. Especially while I was with her though. I knew who i was, where I was going, what i wanted to do. She came along and was icing on the cake.

 

Now that she's gone, I still know who I am, where I want to go, and what I want to do, but I'm losing my grip on it because I can no longer focus my thoughts on my work.

[pandagirl]

I think I'm on the flip side of the coin. Before and during my relationship with my ex I had it all figured out. Especially while I was with her though. I knew who i was, where I was going, what i wanted to do. She came along and was icing on the cake.

 

Now that she's gone, I still know who I am, where I want to go, and what I want to do, but I'm losing my grip on it because I can no longer focus my thoughts on my work.

 

Don't worry, you'll get back your focus. I promise.

[mea]

Your posts always ring so true with me Panda girl and I like you was told that he felt he had lost himself and I couldn't work out what he meant. It's now been 5months since we broke up after 8years and now that I have started focusing on me and as very wise LS member said being 'my own best friend' and I have realized how lost I have been.

 

I think it started last year as we went through a big change as we moved to the UK as my ex was doing his masters. I planned to work but with the recession hitting I ended up struggling to find work and did odd jobs to support us. After that year I was so proud we had got through it I had thought nothing could come between us but I hadn't realized how it had changed me.

 

I went from being self reliant and self assured, to not thinking I was capable and like you panda relying on my ex a whole lot more for my emotional well being. Isn't it just amazing what clarity time gives you. So I ended up blaming him for pulling away, don't I just wish I could turn back time and see it for what it was. Would love to tell my ex this now but after 3months of nc, I don't know if telling him this would change anything. I wish it would.

 

The only positive is Panda, I am slowly finding myself again, have realised the things that make me, me. Have started doing alot more of things that I love, my confidence is growing day by day. I'm not there yet, but getting there.

 

So I don't doubt that you will find yourself again Panda.

[Billie The Puppet]

Before my ex I was focused on getting a house , then girl, marriage then family. My ex then entered and changed my concept but I'm starting to revert back to that. However I feel more lost without her than ever. I know it cliche like and pedastooling her but I felt like she completed me. I do feel like my insecurities/ cheating accusation ended us and really hope/wish we will find each other again but also know in reality it's a fat chance. It's funny because I feel like she no longer saw a future with me all in a matter of a week. Yet since loosing her my previous goals will be obtainable except at this point I don't want to find another girl she really completed my visions.

 

I still have that vision of the photo I saw of her on facebook wearing the key to my heart necklace which was taken a week ago and is 2 months post break up and a month into no contact.