dbmystinkbug Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Am on week 4 of NC and today am feeling particularly stupid, lonely, depressed, desperate, etc...just want to talk to her. And deep down i realize there's the possibility that she's not giving me a second thought. This Herculean effort I'm putting forth to not contact her may be completely alien to her...the not knowing if she misses me at all is the worst part. As well as the fear that for whatever reason she'll play this game as well as me and i really will never hear from her again. I don't like playing games, and I know she isn't the game-playing type either, so part of me wonders if I wouldn't be better off just putting something out there to her, an email or text, some kind of feeler, to see what she's thinking. It couldn't make things worse, could it...I'm already feeling so low and just hearing anything from her seems like it would make me feel better, at least in the short term. I'm venting, I guess.
collegeguy_24 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I am in the same boat as you are friend, read my posts and you'll see. But we have to remain strong, if she wants to contact you, she will do so. If you give in now, you will appear weak, and must not allow that. You must appear strong, a man, be proud and and show your strengths!
thatsonlyme Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 I agree, you should let her contact you first. If she never does, then she obviously doesn't care anymore. But even if she does, don't get too excited, she may just want you as a friend or maybe cares about you as a person. My ex contacts me frequently but her flame is obviously gone for good. I don't think she would even consider me as an option in the future and she was very clear about it. I think even if she started getting her feelings for me back in the future she would probably just go NC or find someone else rather than try to get back with me.
Fouts Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 It's because it IS a stupid game. Say what you want to say, if she responds back fine. If not, let it go forever and at least you said what you wanted and got the answers you were looking for.
Nkognito Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 It is a deadly game indeed and by that is because you are where you are now (without her), you're letting your mind drift to things, you're over analyzing, you're going back and making changes in your mind, you're creating your very own image of her and how she would react to things in different perspectives. We are all guilty of this at one point or another. I still do it even though I should be moving on. For now, I workout heavily. I walk 3 miles in the morning, I walk 2 miles to my gym after work, I would workout and walk another 3 miles when I get done. While this might not be what some of us can do now. I feel good about myself, I am glad I am healthy, I am going to get the body I was going for, like I had been trying to all along. My story is rather retarded but nevertheless, I still think of her even though her exit strategy was poor. While I am walking I think of her, lately I have not cared about what she is doing without but more of what I am doing to better myself. I concentrate on all the red flags that I was blindly over looking. I continue with my head up because I KNOW, the next time I see her if and when I do, I won't be regretting my judgement because it was not mine to begin with. Because in the end depending on how she left you, she will do exactly the same to the next guy and so on, until she will eventually find someone who will put up with her, then he will end up doing something to her that will be karma's fate. I wish my ex and any girl who has been in my life the best. But you must know that if you felt this way for this girl and there are over 10 billion people out there (half of them women!!), that you can feel the same for another. "Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
alliance_820 Posted October 5, 2010 Posted October 5, 2010 Heres how i look at NC. Assuming she broke up with you, she did it for a reason. In my case from what ive gathered, she still has some feelings, she just feels its right for the future. We're long distance and its been getting tough. Im giving NC a shot because honestly, its the only chance i have to make her miss what we had. If your ex broke up with you and told you frankly she just didnt have any feelings for you anymore, i dont know how well it would work for getting her back. But i imagine its better than begging her or anything like that. But if you think she still has feelings for you, go NC for awhile. The goal is to make her miss you, and NC does that better than constantly talking to her.
MTA111 Posted October 6, 2010 Posted October 6, 2010 I've been going through the exact same thing at the moment. She broke up with me because she found messages to/from other girls after hacking into my email account. I'd of never met these girls, which I'm pretty sure she knows. Stupid, pointless mistake on my part. Anyway, she broke up with me on a friday night. We spoke on the monday night & she was still really upset, saying she was heartbroken etc. We had a nice conversation......then never heard from each other again. I didn't contact her, she didn't contact me. 2 weeks later she was moving away to go to university. It's been a month now since we broke up (or spoke). I'm really gutted because I knew instantly I'd made a huge mistake. We spent everyday/night together for a year. We got on really well & genuinely had a really close bond. One night, that all ended & now it's difficult to re-adjust to not having that person there anymore. One minute they're there, the next they're gone. It's like a death. I'm in the same boat, where I ask myself, is she just being strong and trying not to contact me, or alternatively, has she gone to uni and forgotten about everything we had? All the feelings have gone away and she's carrying on with her life quite happily. To be perfectly honest, I think the latter is the most likely. She was a VERY good looking girl, so she definately won't be short of shoulders to cry on, while I'm back home living the same life I was before she left, just without her in it. Not easy. Really sad though, we were really into each other & if I hadn't been such an idiot then we'd still of been together. Anyway as they say you learn from your mistakes. I've rambled on here. Point is I feel the same. Is she playing the same game, or alternatively (and more likely) has she moved on and forgotten about me already. Painful, but it gets easier as each day passes. You'll think about her less, so in turn you'll miss her less. Eventually you'll meet someone else, fall for them & it'll start all over again, until hopefully you'll meet the one that yuo stay with! I appreciate people having a hard time (myself included) hate hearing; "you'll meet someone else" & "it gets easier with time" But it's true. Have faith, keep your chin up & one day it'll all be a distant memory!
Recommended Posts